COLUMNS

Author: KnowYourStuff Cocaine! “Coke” to its friends, “Nose Beers” to its mates, and “Booger Sugar” to the joker in the back of the class that thinks he’s funny. Cocaine is a stimulant drug that increases the rate at which messages travel between the brain and the body. It is made from the leaves of the coca bush, which is native to South America. Cocaine has two main forms, the salt and the freebase: The Salt form Cocaine HCl is the white powder form most people are familia

Dear dating diary, Like many of you lovely readers I have recently been watching Love Island. No spoilers, but all the islanders were asked about their body counts as part of a challenge recently. Their answers typically ranged from around 5 to 12 (with some significantly higher). As one does, I reflected on my own body count (9) and felt a weird bit of shame surrounding it. I feel as though the people on Love Island are stereotypically those with higher body counts. It fo

A feed for fuck-all By the time this issue goes to print, Wellington will again be going feral for chunky sandwiches. Every pub, cafe, and ferry terminal will be scrambling to serve their own Wonky Bonky Baby Burger—a 60-centimetre tall monstrosity, made with the mince of a steer called Jeremy who was fed on a stash of Snickers Pods—topped with beetroot, banana, and a relish of wild dandelion root picked under a new moon, in an Arobake brioche bun. No, I jest. A midwinter fe

Kia ora, Salient reader! Welcome to our fortnightly column on the environment, sustainable living, and the small, stubborn act of hope amongst a world on fire! Check in every second week for waste-free recipes, genuinely good news, and practical ways to lend a hand—nudging a happier, healthier earth a little closer into view. Waste-free recipe of the week Make your own Muesli bars! It's no secret that a good muesli bar is one of the few unrivaled snacks. Whether it's for gett

HEADING L'Étranger (The Stranger) SUBHEADING New Francois Ozon movie scans a bit like a perfume commercial Albert Camus’ 1942 novel L'Étranger is essentially impossible to adapt in another medium. Francois Ozon’s solution is to turn it into a film of surfaces, glossy exteriors, perfume-commercial sheen. It’s an appropriate treatment for a novel centred on a disconnected, lonely, existentially aloof young man who quite literally can’t see past surfaces; who refuses to allow hi

Kia ora Salient readers, My name is Sarah Douglas, and I'm the Vice President of Connections for the Postgraduate Students' Association (PGSA) here at Te Herenga Waka. You might be wondering: We have a Postgraduate Students' Association?! The answer is: Yes! We're a small but determined group of volunteers working to support and represent postgraduate students across the university. Like many organisations, we've been through a rebuilding phase, but this year we're focused on

What to watch during Welly’s upcoming New Zealand International Film Fest Go to nziff.co.nz and get your tickets! I have been attending NZIFF since I moved to Pōneke, and every year it is an absolute treat. Last year, I was an usher. This let me sit in on movies on shift and get my greedy hands on some comp tickets. The best time of my life. I saw seventeen movies (!!!) at a fraction of the cost. This year, I’m slowing my roll a little with a forecast of 10 screenings. That’

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney It’s hard to deny the importance of sport in the Pacific. Our sea of islands has produced countless athletic success stories, and Pacific peoples have become famous world-wide for their sporting achievements. Not only is sport a great cultural unifier, but it is also an essential pathway for many Pacific people to find a level of success that is much harder to come by otherwise. In smaller nations that depend on their relationships wi

Yacht Club Games have already proven themselves with the groundbreaking Shovel Knight in 2014 and its subsequent expansions, reinventing what it meant to be retro-inspired with a genre defining staple I count among my favourite 2D platformers. Nearly 12 years later, I have seen proof that lightning can strike twice. Mina the Hollower has convinced me to burrow headfirst into the top-down adventure genre with its stellar world design, combat, music… basically everything you ca

A feed for fuck-all Kajiken What: Abura Soba Price: $17.50 When: 11:00am-8:30pm, Monday-Sunday Not worth it in value or taste, in short. ⭐ As chain restaurants go, Kajiken is a cut above. The moment I stepped in the door, I was bombarded with greetings from left and right. If a mite enthusiastic, the staff were lovely. Inside, it was all pale pine panelling, paper screens, and renditions of Hokusai’s The Great Wave out of noodles, but tastefully done. Each table has a small

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney WHAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSED IN THE MOANA The Rock’s horrific wig in the live-action Moana was not the only distressing thing in the Pacific news landscape this month. Movies I don’t plan on watching because they look AI generated aside, there is much to be discussed about the ever-changing ocean we all inhabit. So let's run down some of the significant stories from July, from further escalations in occupied West Papua to even more securi

Music, Fashion, Film Charli xcx shows no signs of stopping As I wrote earlier this year, Charli xcx has known for a while now that she needs to escape out from under the towering legacy of her 2024 opus brat. She’d been an important left-of-field pop star since at least 2017’s mixtape Pop 2, but brat was bigger than anyone could’ve anticipated. One of the more lucid pleasures of my life—and for music kids like myself—was rolling to Charli deep cuts like “Track 10” in a field

Within the span of a week, I’ll be trying to accomplish a long-term task just to see if it’s possible, and to see what I can get out of it. Life lessons, skills, resilience training? The stimulation alone should be enough motivation. When I was in high school, I badly wanted a Nintendo Switch. The retail price was about $550, and what I discovered motivated me to save was equating everything to the value of a Switch: If you save your birthday money, that’ll be a quarter of a

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney It’s safe to say that the Cook Islands have had their fair share of political scandals and moments of tension over the past few years. The current Prime Minister, Mark Brown, has seen the spotlight quite a bit since that very public stoush over a deal signed with China that New Zealand was not consulted on. While that might seem like us poking our nose in other islands' business, in all fairness the Cook Islands exist under a ‘special

Dear dating diary, My new year's resolution this year was to act a fool and embarrass myself. This was originally intended as a sort of “don’t worry what other people think, put yourself out there and post whatever you want.” For example, reaching out to Phoebe about this column was a push to put work out that I maybe wouldn’t have originally taken! I would say I have most definitely acted a fool this year, but not in a good way. The truth is that I have embarrassed my

Heartstopper’s film finale is so shaky it risks toppling the show that preceded it In Heartstopper Forever, the feature-length film that closes out the eponymous TV series, things have changed. Once-bullied gay kid Charlie Spring is running for Head Boy, and, on the high of his emotional campaign speech, he clinches it. Now, it’s his gorgeous and popular jock boyfriend, Nick Nelson, who, nearing the end of his high school career, is staring down the barrel of loneliness and u

Hunk Unc: hey hunk unc (long time reader first time caller) I have a very free schedule this semester so I find myself home often and I very rarely see my lovely flatmates as they all have partners who they cannot spend a second without and of course they have busy lives, I spend some days at a time alone in my flat and it feels like I live alone. How do I talk to my flatmates about this? Hey, long-time lonely reader, first-time writer. This Unc is going to give it his best

A feed for fuck-all What: Hamburgers Price: $9.99 When: 8:00pm - 10:00pm; Friday & Saturday If you’re happy to wait, this is a delicious deal. ⭐⭐⭐ It’s been a while since I’ve featured a ‘meal deal’ here. There’s been a lot of low-cost menus, or fudging entrees and side dishes together into something satisfying. It’s high-time that I let an eatery do the fudging for me. So this week, it’s off to the Willis Street bar that sounds like a McDonald’s smut fic from 2008: Burger

What to watch on Welly’s local streaming service This week, I have finally been stricken by the winter illness. My flatmates succumbed one by one, but I foolishly believed I might make it out unscathed. Laughable. Having zero clarity to consciously consume new movies—let alone come up with anything smart to say about them—I am falling back on old familiar favourites. This week: some of my top movies ever, thankfully available on Arovision. Go to ondemand.arovideo.co.nz and g

Who’s Afraid of Ethical Non-Monogamy? The Invite is one of this year’s best (and funniest) films Mild spoilers ahead. Nobody in this damned country remembers Edward Albee’s Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, one of the last century’s nastiest and most nastily brilliant playscripts. An eviscerating document of a marriage falling apart at one epic dinner party in which nobody is allowed to leave (much less consume food), it's the closest literary antecedent to the latest Olivia

A feed for fuck-all Aunty Mena’s What: Vegetarian/Vegan Malaysian Price: $13.50 - $20.00+ When: 12:00 - 9:00pm, Monday - Saturday Homely and healthy, but keeping it budget is a struggle. ⭐⭐ Many of you will read today’s title and, being in your seventh month or umpteenth year of living in Wellington, ask, ‘he’s only just now discovered Aunty Mena’s?’ And to that I say a quiet ‘yeah…’ It’s been one of those places that I’ve heard a lot of other people’s good opinions about

This Unc is sad. Football is coming to a close, and by the time you read this, the FIFA Club World Cup will be over, the All Blacks will have absolutely annihilated Italy, and the Blues will have beaten the Maroons. Do you know what all these situations have in common? They’re full of people with drive, ambition, and the desire to do well—to change their lives and win a Cup, Trophy, or Shield for their country. Well, except for Italy. That was just a test match. These charact

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney Aotearoa’s own Tāmaki Makaurau is often referred to as the largest Pacific city in the world, and there is much truth in that description. The city’s Pacific population exists in all corners of Aotearoa’s most populous city, but suburbs and neighborhoods within South Auckland have become the most famous examples of the Pacific community in the city. Māngere, Manurewa, and Takānini in particular have become significant targets for a ce

Bi-Weekly Game Reviews I’m cheating a little bit with this one, but look—I’ve played these games as far back as my earliest memories, they feel like two halves of a whole, and their recent ports bundle them together on the same cartridge. I feel justified in this. You’re never too old for Mario, no matter what anyone says, something the Super Mario Galaxy duology perfectly exemplifies. Across 91 different galaxies and hundreds of missions, you’ll run, jump, fight, and fly thr

Good news stories (and more) for the planet Kia ora, Salient reader! Welcome to our fortnightly column on the environment, sustainable living, and the small, stubborn act of hope amongst a world on fire! Check in every second week for waste-free recipes, genuinely good news, and practical ways to lend a hand—nudging a happier, healthier earth a little closer into view. Solar success! Renewable energy, the poster child of a clean green world. We can dream right? But what if w

A feed for fuck-all Jugnu’s Duniya What: South-Asian + ‘world’ cuisine Price: $5.00 - $10.00 When: 11:30am - 6:00pm, Monday - Sunday A nice idea for a very nice price, but overreaching. ⭐⭐ There’s a new kid on Cuba Street, who might make you double-take, and then double-take again. Just up from the Bucket Fountain, left of the red brick podium that hosts a weekly rotation of swing dance groups, high school buskers, and Falun Gong protesters, sits Jugnu’s Little India. Or wh

What to watch on Welly’s local streaming service This week's focus: animation! Though this genre has become somewhat synonymous with family-friendly films (which do deserve credit themselves—The LEGO Batman Movie (2017) is in my top 4, after all), animation can also feature adult themes for older audiences such as yourselves to enjoy. This doesn’t necessarily mean sexy stuff—theres plenty of melancholia to go around. Arovision has a lovely selection of artsy animation, so go

Love, death, and the very essence and origin of hard rock. Taine Knox for The Mindstate. The disbanding of legendary band Cream in 1968 changed music history. The supergroup featured Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce, and Ginger Baker, who all went on to have solo careers of their own—to varying degrees of success—while others were left in the fallout. One such example was their producer and frequent collaborator Felix Pappalardi—a man who would go on to lead a career which was, more

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney The changing climate, fallout from foreign wars, and the ongoing drug crisis are just some of the reasons security has been at the forefront of any discussion between Pacific Island nations and their allies. The question of how to remain sovereign in a world where great powers seem content to throw their weight (and missiles) around to get their way is also permeating the minds of Pacific politics. Matthew Wale, who has done the round

Hunk Unc: i wanna start fwb with this guy but we live together and he’s my ex’s best friend - how cooked am i Before we begin, this Unc has unfortunately gotten into the FIFA, so expect a few references throughout. I’m sorry. I contain multitudes now. Well, I think the question is this: how much do you want to burn bridges with your ex? Because, realistically, that’s what you’re asking me. This is not just a harmless little situationship. This is you voluntarily walking into

Speaker 1 (Regular) Speaker 2 (a newbie) Dear dating diary, As of late, my wonderful friend (who is co-writing this with me) and I have been humbled by men who frankly care a little too much. I was casually seeing this one guy from uni and we had gone on one (1!!!) date before both going to the same gig (separately, of course). We spent some time together that evening before parting ways and never texting again. I felt completely and utterly okay about this; it was a mutual

Madonna’s dance music has always been social. This might sound obvious; isn’t all dance music social?; aren’t dance floors literally composed of a mass of people? But if you’ve been to a techno or trance gig recently you might be able to hear the difference. (And see the difference, too; as in, a disconcertingly large number of promising young lads slumped over in a K-hole.) Some dance floors are focussed on a self-pleasure kind of hedonism, where the dissolution of oneself i

MDMA (molly, MD, or 3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine when it’s in trouble) is an empathogen that increases the feel-good chemicals in your body, mainly serotonin. KnowYourYes MDMA increases empathy and enhances sensations like touch and taste, so it is important to remember that consent is key! Your boundaries might get a little fuzzier than normal, so before taking any substance, keep these things in mind: “What does my yes look like?” What will you say yes to? Is yes eve

I Got My Driver’s License Five Years Ago Olivia Rodrigo’s you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love First impressions matter. Olivia Rodrigo introduced herself to the world with the late-pandemic smash “drivers license", a beautifully accomplished ballad replete with an eat-your-heart-out bridge where the bottled up emotions of the verse and chorus are spilled out in a gory half-time. If the song up until that point seems a little one-note, that’s largely Rodrigo’s point: she

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney THE COCONUT CARTEL AND OUR DRUG PROBLEM If you told me that, just a few months ago, a senior member of a Pasifika-led organised crime group dubbed the ‘Coconut Cartel’ was assassinated in Vietnam by a pair of Sāmoans hired by his criminal rivals, I daresay I would have laughed in your face. But this did in fact happen, in what has become one of the strangest developments in our ongoing drug crisis in the moana we all inhabit. This ev

By Will Tickner, Tam Maxwell, and Teg Ward Within the span of a week, I’ll be trying to accomplish a long-term task just to see if it’s possible, and to see what I can get out of it. Life lessons, skills, resilience training? The stimulation alone should be enough motivation. During an event last year, I had to move a big load of tables and chairs from Fairlie Terrace to the Memorial Theatre. What I thought was a ten-minute trip turned into a half-hour sweat-fest of cussing a

A feed for fuck-all Welcome back folks! It’s been a little while since we were last here, since I’ve had to sit down to a meal not for enjoyment or pleasure, but for work. Woe is me. For those like me who have no clue what happened last trimester, or for those new students who’ve stepped in mid-year, here’s a ranking of the places I covered in my last twelve eleven columns. This tier-list is reasonably subjective, but know that value reigns supreme. After the cost-per-bite fa

Good news stories (and more) for the planet Kia ora, Salient reader! Welcome to our fortnightly column on the environment, sustainable living, and the small, stubborn act of hope amongst a world on fire! Check in every second week for waste-free recipes, genuinely good news, and practical ways to lend a hand—nudging a happier, healthier earth a little closer into view. Waste-free recipe of the week: The easiest homemade muesli recipe you can find!1 big jar of oats (screw mea

Ciph’s Cabinet Bi-Weekly Game Reviews Christopher Curtis I’ve been waiting for the day I get to talk about this game. One of my biggest gripes with modern gaming culture is the tolerance towards unfinished products and reliance on patches to alter games post-release, allegedly creating a “better experience”, whatever that means. Rivals of Aether II is the sole exception. Forced to release early and to focus on competitive appeal meant I couldn’t freely recommend it, but it ha

Hunk Unc: Last year I told my friend I had feelings for them and they told me they didn't feel that way about me, I believed I had moved on and recently realised I still have those feelings and hate myself for it, I'm not sure what I should do. Students, today your Unc is pairing up two emotionally shipwrecked souls with the same issue in different fonts. One of you confessed feelings, got rejected, thought you’d moved on, and then your heart did the deeply rude thing of circ

A feed for fuck-all Lemongrass Kitchen What: Vietnamese Price: $11.00 - $15.00 When: 11:00 - 21:00; Monday - Sunday Nothing mindblowing, but wins by the size and value of their menu. ⭐⭐⭐ There’s something doggedly endearing about Capital Markets that calls me back. It’s beyond the fact that it’s a gold mine for plates of food at reasonable prices. The bare concrete floor and the restaurants built inside old shipping containers give the space a liminal but functional feel; i

What to watch on Welly’s local streaming service This week, I’m covering one half of Aotearoa’s fourth most popular folk-comedy duo—Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords. From indie rom-com, to downright absurdity, to Men in Black 3, this national treasure has a varied and pretty weird filmography. Most of his greatest hits are streaming on Aro, so have a read of my picks and then go get watching at ondemand.arovideo.co.nz! An Evening With Beverly Luff Linn (2018) — $5

Weekly Pacific Politics with Otis Whinney As these twelve weeks near their end, there is still no shortage of things going on in our sea of islands. So let's hop from island to island and round up some of the interesting and important stories going on in the moana as this trimester comes to a close. The Solomon Islands have been in and out of the news for a while thanks to the ongoing leadership crisis, where Prime Minister Jerimiah Manele was voted out of his seat due in pa

They Got It Right This Year (Almost)! Ah, the Ockhams. Or, as Susanna Andrew coined last year, the “Shock-’ems”! Her point was not just that there’s something a little weird and very milk-loving-Briscoes-sale-deck-furniture-Kiwi about our national book awards being sponsored by a massive construction company. Nor was it just that her pick for the fiction award didn’t make the shortlist—though that was true, too. She also thought that, in an industry as small as New Zealand bo

Dear dating diary, The past two weekends have potentially been some of the most romantically confusing and stressful I have ever experienced. For the first time since being single, I have been seeing multiple people at once. I know this is no big deal considering I am not exclusive with anyone. However, the stress ensues when your circles begin to cross. Two weekends ago, some friends and I decide to go to a gig. Our friend is hosting pre’s so we head there and to my sh

Students, today your Unc is combining three different questions that all essentially ask the same thing. All of these questions come down to one thing: vibe. Mixed signals are mixed vibes. Not wanting to ask someone directly is trying to catch a vibe without making things awkward. Wanting to build “rizz” is wanting to improve the vibe you’re putting out into the world. The annoying truth is this: every single person on this planet is different, and every single person commun

Within the span of a week, I’ll be trying to accomplish a long-term task just to see if it’s possible, and to see what I can get out of it. Life lessons, skills, resilience training? The stimulation alone should be enough motivation. Currently, I work a lot. By day I slave in the Salient office, but by night I’m my alter ego: hospitality Front of House. My parents always forcefully encouraged me to have a job or two during study. In the past three years, I’ve complained to th

Salient Celebrates New Zealand Music Month! Vera Ellen: HEAVEN KNOWS WHAT TIME Happy New Zealand Music Month, bitches! While all you caffeine-addicted trackie-wearing zombies file in and out of your Maclaurin lecture theatres, ears stuffed full of musical garbage, just know that somewhere in the crowd I’ll be there with my dad’s vintage Workshop jeans and my Vera Ellen tunes. One decaf flat white, please! Just kidding! I’ve relapsed on caffeine, of course. But I still do my b

A feed for fuck-all KC Cafe What: Cantonese Price: $7.00 - $16.00 When: 11:00am – 11:30pm, Sunday – Thursday, and till 1:30am on Friday and Saturday. One of Wellington’s best, even for those on a budget. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Of all of the iconic jewels studded in the grubby yet glittering tiara that is Courtenay Place, KC Cafe & Takeaway deserves top billing. Not as glittery as St. James or The Library, but it is bursting with charm and prowess. Nick Iles, of Two Bear Sandwich Club fame

Dear dating diary, I am quite simply sick and tired of talking to men who, no offense, have no personality. I hate to say it but the fact you spend all your free time scrolling on reels and using ChatGPT as a search engine is starting to show. I’ve had enough of men who idolise Christopher Nolan. You’re boring!! Believe it or not, I actually did understand Inception the first time I watched it. You need to find a new hobby, expand your Letterboxd watchlist, and get a freaking