Lessons on Life, Love & Other Stuff - On Making Out, Blacking Out, and the Puritanical Man

Speaker 1 (Regular)

Speaker 2 (a newbie)

Dear dating diary,

As of late, my wonderful friend (who is co-writing this with me) and I have been humbled by men who frankly care a little too much. I was casually seeing this one guy from uni and we had gone on one (1!!!) date before both going to the same gig (separately, of course). We spent some time together that evening before parting ways and never texting again. I felt completely and utterly okay about this; it was a mutual ghosting.

The issue came when I saw him at uni a couple of weeks later and decided to be friendly and say hi. I thought nothing of it until I got a message from him an hour later. Full transparency, I had lowkey blacked out at the gig and did not remember much, BUT apparently he and his friends did. He reached out to let me know he had decided not to text me because that same evening his friends saw me kissing someone else. I also apparently hit on one of his friends, and he was “not about that.” Obviously, feeling embarrassed, I sent him a message apologising, as that definitely would not have been the nicest thing for him to experience. The only thing that made me feel better was that my friend had gone through the same thing a couple of weeks beforehand…

In my defense, I was borrowing my friend’s slutty little skirt! Guys. Binge drinking is no joke, as I have discussed with my Mauri Ora appointed counsellor (shout out VUW). We were celebrating the birthday of a beloved friend, and as the night took a turn towards the bar, I used the last of my data to hit up the cutie in my DMs. Long story short, I forgot about these coms, had a wee kiss with another individual I had locked lips with a month prior, and then stopped hanging out with them once the bae I messaged showed up… Guy 2 & I chatted the night away (I think) and to be FUNNY, I gave guy no. 1 a wee salute as I exited the premises.

My memory of the night is unfortunately hazy at best. This was a problem when a week later, I showed up at a party attended by guy 1 and he was acting WEIRD. I pestered and pestered and we had a 20 minute sit down convo about my behaviour the previous Friday. Readers, I made him feel like an object. Okay, fuck. Uh # feminism? I had to go outside and sit on the street to reflect. Of course everyone reserves the right to not kiss me (sad) but I felt like I had been broken up with by someone I had (spontaneously) kissed, only twice. Has no one else had someone that you have made out with get with someone else at the same event!? This happened to me at my Year 13 afterball…  

Don’t get us wrong, we are sympathetic to the fact that it feels like shit when someone you are interested in gets with someone else. But it truly does bring up some Questions for the Culture. Considering our limited previous interactions and casual relationship, is it really your place to shame us for our actions? Like are we only allowed to kiss one person per week? Were these unemployed, moustached dudes secretly planning to wife us? Are they actually feeling objectified or just mad they didn’t pull and weren’t used to ‘rejection’... All we know is that there is no Loneliness Epidemic for hot girls.   

Being humbled by these conversations most certainly doesn’t feel nice and perhaps should initiate some self-reflection. However, it isn’t the end of the world, and you should not dwell on it! It is incredibly easy to stress over awkward interactions and past mistakes you’ve made when drunk. It is best to meet people where they are at and apologise for how you made them feel, if the situation seems to require it. But also, be so fucking for real. 1. it is not that deep, 2. you’ve survived this long without knowing what you did, and 3. your friends still love you and probably find the whole situation entertaining. Life is all about finding the balance between being young, hot, and charming while also not fucking embarassing yourself. Sometimes that line is crossed.  

Lesson: Men: Get a grip!! Ladies and theydies: Listen to “U Should Not Be Doing That” by Amyl and the Sniffers and have a laugh over your actions!!