On Life, Love and Other Stuff: On the Epic Highs and Lows of Early 20’s Dating
Dear dating diary,
As we come towards the end of the year (and my final Salient article eek!!!), it only feels fitting to reflect on the past year of my life. A lot has happened and I have certainly grown as a person. I have found out a lot about myself and what dating means to me, which has been tough but incredibly enlightening overall. There have also been a few stories that I haven’t had the opportunity to tell through this column. SO, without further ado, here are some of the epic highs and lows of dating in my early 20s.
Low: Going home with a guy who works in refrigeration, only to be told that the place I went to for a BYO the night prior is absolutely disgusting and I should never go there again. I won’t get into the details, but I would suggest avoiding any restaurants named after fictional creatures that breathe fire.
High: Being accused of giving someone chlamydia and getting to prove it wasn’t me because I get tested after each new partner. Sorry boo, I think that might’ve been your new girlfriend! Let this be a sign to get tested regularly and use protection everyone!!
Low: Committing flatcest. Would not recommend!!! I am fortunate enough that my flatmate and I remain good friends, but it was a sore spot for him and his new girlfriend for a while. Plus, it’s a super awkward thing to have to bring up with anyone you start seeing. It’s not worth it but there’s no shame in it, these things happen!
High: Having so much time to spend with my friends!! One of the perks of not having a partner is that you don’t have one person taking up a bunch of your time. I have fallen into the stereotype of being that single girl who can’t hang out because she is too busy doing a million different hobbies with her friends and it is AWESOME!!!!
Low: Being the other woman. I went home with this guy who mentioned he was seeing someone and explicitly told me they weren’t exclusive or serious at all. Then one week later I was informed that he had been exclusive with this girl for 2 weeks and they’d been seeing each other for 3 months. What on earth do you mean not serious??? That sounds pretty serious to me!!
High: Having a huge boost of self-confidence. Some of this has been from external validation like being hit on by people I consider to be super attractive! (Like you’re so hot and you also think I’m hot?!?) But also, I think as I spend more time with myself, I start to know myself better and feel more confident in who I am.
Low: Telling someone I was certain that we were going to date and him then telling me that was a bit crazy and intense of me. Yeah… fair.
High: Forcing my long-distance low commitment situationship to take me to Kisa for dinner. I had been wanting to go for AGES but it’s a tad expensive and I felt bad asking my friends to go. The food was DELICIOUS (would highly recommend) and I didn’t have to pay! Thanks love xxx
Overall, a wonderful year full of growth. For a while I was in that phase of seeing quite a few people at once. This was super fun and it filled me with a lot of adrenaline and confidence, but it no longer aligns with what I want. I think it’s time for me to chill out and focus on myself and my friends, for they are the ones who have been beside me this entire year. The right person will come eventually but I’m not going to force it!
If I had to pass on one final piece of advice from what I have learnt this year it would be this: prioritise being yourself and having fun. It’s quite easy to fall into a habit of doing what you think you should do, but that’s not really being true to yourself, is it? If you want to go out and make out with random people at the club, do that! Skip going to the gym in the morning if it means you can hang out with your friends later into the night. There’s no point in pretending to be someone else because then you’re robbing yourself and others of genuine connection.
Lesson: You will experience a range of highs and lows throughout your life. It is very easy to sit and wallow in the lows and ignore all the highs, but it’s all character development baby! One day you’ll look back and laugh, so you might as well enjoy the moment now.
