Hunk Unc - i wanna start fwb with this guy but we live together and he’s my ex’s best friend - how cooked am i

Hunk Unc: i wanna start fwb with this guy but we live together and he’s my ex’s best friend - how cooked am i

Before we begin, this Unc has unfortunately gotten into the FIFA, so expect a few references throughout. I’m sorry. I contain multitudes now.

Well, I think the question is this: how much do you want to burn bridges with your ex?

Because, realistically, that’s what you’re asking me. This is not just a harmless little situationship. This is you voluntarily walking into the knockout stage of your social life with no subs left, one yellow card already, and the group chat watching from the stands.

If there is any chance—and I mean any chance—that you want to stay friends with your ex, keep mutual friends, or preserve whatever fragile ecosystem is currently holding your friend group together, then this is a Terrible Idea. Do not do it.

Likewise, this Unc always advises against starting romantic relationships with people you’re flatting with. There’s simply too much risk of everything ending terribly. It’s easy enough to argue with someone or drop them when you don’t live together, but trying to break things off with a flatmate and it’ll make your home, and your living situation, that much harder. So think twice. Especially if you’re on a fixed-term lease.

Unlike the 2026 World Cup, you do not have 16 host cities across three countries to spread the damage around. You have one flat, one bathroom, one fridge shelf, and a bond you probably want back.

But, in saying all this, because you’re writing to your Unc about it, I think you’ve probably already made up your mind to sleep with him. And for that, I have this piece of advice: you are very, very cooked.

Think, too, about the reasons you and your ex broke up. If you were only together for a couple of months, that’s probably alright. If you had a long-term “I love you” relationship, why are you trying to sleep with his best friend anyway? Surely there was some relationship-ending, ick-building reason why it all didn’t work out. And if your ex had that trait, what makes you think his best friend will be any different? Birds of a feather and all that.

I think you also need to ask yourself how private you are with your situationships. If this is purely a fuckbuddy situation, then maybe it’s on your ex’s best friend to reject you, since, you know, you’re his best friend’s ex. There is a very obvious offside line here, and he should be able to see it without needing VAR. And if he doesn’t do that, then that’s on him—but it’s still a risky game you’re playing.

This Unc says think it through: if not because he’s your ex’s best friend, then because you live with him, and it could create a horrible living situation. But if you want to ignore all of Unc’s advice, then at the very least: use protection and be discreet. You’ll be sitting on a time bomb, but maybe that makes it all the hotter?

Hey Hunk Unc (big fan btw),

I find that I am increasingly packing dinner along with my lunch to go to uni. How do you deal with not wanting to be at home with my flatmates? Like nothing's bad besides the occasional dinner dishes left undone and food on the counter (which we have talked about). I just find I'm happier at the uni campus rather than at home with my flatmates.

First of all, big fan of you too.

Second of all, it’s a double feature this week because Unc was busy last week yelling at the All Whites, and he’s got advice to make up. 

I think the answer to this question depends: are you living with friends or strangers? If you’re living with strangers, then there’s nothing wrong with preferring to be at uni. You’re paying so much in course fees anyway, I’d actually encourage you to use the space. And, if you’re taking dinner with you, you’re staying economical about it, so this Unc approves.

Not everyone needs their flat to be the main stadium. Sometimes home is just where your bed, charger, and least-mouldy towel live. Sometimes the real tournament is happening elsewhere.

However, if you’re living with friends and finding yourself avoiding them, then it’s time to sit down in the library, watch the sun set over the city, and have a bit of a think about why you’re trying to avoid them. Is it really just a few dishes in the sink? Or food on the counter? Or do you find yourself constantly having to manage them by requesting that they do cleaning any reasonable person should have already done?

Because some people are built for flatting. They love the noise. They love the shared dinners. They love someone always being around for a debrief. Other people hear a flatmate walking down the hallway and react like it’s a penalty shootout. Suddenly the heart rate is up, the palms are sweaty, and you’re thinking, please, God, not another unsolicited kitchen conversation.

If you find yourself actively avoiding spending time with them, then there’s probably an underlying reason why. Now, I can’t answer what that is for you, but have a think about this: next time you spend time with a flatmate, pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Are you excited and happy? Are you drained and unmotivated? Are you annoyed that you didn’t get to be by yourself in peace? I implore you to really dig deep into how you’re feeling, and to try to pinpoint exactly what is making you avoid them.

And the answer could just be this: you would prefer to live alone. Some people are like that. No matter how perfect or fine the flat is, they’d just rather live by themselves. And that’s fine to know. Wait to graduate, save up an emergency fund, then find yourself a little studio apartment.

But if you’re surrounded by friends, finding yourself actively avoiding them, and feeling drained after being around them? Then there’s probably an underlying issue with your friendships—one worth exploring before you commit to another year in the flat, or a lifetime of feeling flat after being around them.