Lessons on Life, Love & Other Stuff: On Christopher Nolan Films, Compatibility, and Attention

Dear dating diary,

I am quite simply sick and tired of talking to men who, no offense, have no personality. I hate to say it but the fact you spend all your free time scrolling on reels and using ChatGPT as a search engine is starting to show. I’ve had enough of men who idolise Christopher Nolan. You’re boring!! Believe it or not, I actually did understand Inception the first time I watched it. You need to find a new hobby, expand your Letterboxd watchlist, and get a freaking personality!

This isn’t to say that you’re boring if you enjoy Christopher Nolan films. I’ve watched my fair share of them, but I also have space to enjoy other films too! You’re welcome to like what you like, but you’re boring if you don’t open yourself to new experiences. A notable example that comes to mind is my ex-boyfriend who loved football so much that he refused to talk to my friends because “if they don’t know anything about football, what can I even talk to them about”. Um I don’t know, any other topic??? Stop shutting yourself off, you’re being lame.

I feel like these are the majority of men I end up meeting which has forced me to question, am I being too harsh? Maybe under the surface they’re incredibly interesting and I have just been too quick to judge. I like to think I have a hunch as to whether things between myself and someone else would work out in the long term. I’ve rejected people for all the classic reasons; boring, subjectively unattractive, and being cringe. I rejected someone because in my eyes they were “too soft,” whereas I feel like I need someone hard (not like that) who I can spark off (NOT LIKE THAT). I said no to another potential suitor because they said “hadn’t been out this late in ages” when we were out at 1 a.m.

The question is, am I rejecting these people for surface level reasons or am I rejecting them for genuine incompatibility? I used to be that person who never went to town and stayed out past 1 a.m., but look how I’ve changed over the course of 6 months! My fear is that I’ve already rejected the perfect person for me all because of my limited knowledge of them at the time. Maybe if I had stuck it out and seen them a couple more times things would’ve worked out? On the other hand, maybe they are just genuinely uninteresting and I should have some self-respect and keep my standards high!

Either way, I can’t stop talking to these boring guys. The sad unfortunate truth is that I love the attention. There is something so validating about talking to a man who is clearly into you, even if the attraction doesn’t go both ways. Like yes, I am desirable and thank you for letting me know. I’ll even engage in a conversation about your marathon training routine to get a hit of that sweet, sweet attention. I am a girl who loves to flirt just for the hell of it, even if it’s at the price of a dull conversation.

Deep down, this just requires some internal reflection on why I crave attention so bad. It is completely normal to want attention, especially from potential partners. It makes you feel validated as a desirable individual who is worth dating. However, I need to recognise when I am showing an interest in someone just because I want attention, rather than experiencing genuine attraction. Realistically the perfect person is out there somewhere, I just need to be patient and live my life to the fullest in the meantime. It’s not as if I don’t have enough going on in my life right now. I’m a regular Salient columnist for God’s sake! I am booked and busy!!!

Lesson: If a man loves Christopher Nolan and football, RUN!!!! Set your standards high and fill your time writing articles for Salient. If no one else gives you attention then Phoebe will x