Hunk Unc: hey hunk unc (long time reader first time caller)...

Hunk Unc: hey hunk unc (long time reader first time caller) I have a very free schedule this semester so I find myself home often and I very rarely see my lovely flatmates as they all have partners who they cannot spend a second without and of course they have busy lives, I spend some days at a time alone in my flat and it feels like I live alone. How do I talk to my flatmates about this? 

Hey, long-time lonely reader, first-time writer.

This Unc is going to give it his best shot, but I’m missing one key piece of information: are these people your friends, or did you move into an existing flat with strangers or mutuals?

That changes the game plan.

If you moved in with mutuals—and I suspect you didn’t—my advice is blunt: find some other friends. Flatmates don’t have to become your best mates. You’re better off widening your social squad than trying to force chemistry just because you  live together. 

However, this Unc has a sneaking suspicion you were friends before moving in together. That makes things trickier. Everyone enjoys the honeymoon period and wants to spend time with their partner, but that doesn’t mean existing friendships should be left sitting on the bench.

Being single while surrounded by couples can also be rough. You’re allowed to feel lonely without being bitter about their relationships.

Honesty is your best play here. Talk to your flatmates one-on-one rather than calling a full team meeting and unloading every grievance at once. Next time you’re together in the kitchen, tell them you miss hanging out and have felt a bit lonely around the flat.

Keep it simple. You’re not accusing them of anything; you’re letting them know where you’re at. People can’t respond to a problem if they don’t know the score.

You could also create some regular quality time. Suggest a weekly, fortnightly, or monthly flat dinner. Everyone chips in five bucks, depending on numbers and whichever partners are coming, and you spend an evening eating together.

Different schedules might make that difficult, but pitch it as dinner, cards, a game night, or watching a match. It’s easier to commit to something specific than a vague promise to “hang out soon.”

Finally—and I say this gently—it might help to spend more time outside the flat and meet some new people. Vic has plenty of clubs, teams, and social groups with regular events. Join a social sports team, try something unfamiliar, or simply find somewhere that gets you out of the house once a week.

Clubs might sound lame, but Vic’s Combat Archery Club certainly doesn’t.

You should still talk to your flatmates. Just don’t make them your entire social lineup.

And, as always, you can write back to your old Unc if this advice works—or misses completely. I’m currently accepting applications for regular pen pals.