Salient Weekly Challenge: The Cuba Street Caffeine Crawl

“Within the span of a week, I’ll be trying to accomplish a long-term task just to see if it’s possible, and to see what I can get out of it. Life lessons? Skills? Resilience training? The stimulation alone should be enough motivation.”

This week I set out on an adventure I’m proud of: trying a coffee from every store on Cuba Street. This has been on my bucket list since I moved to Welly, and as a caffeine fiend I usually have about 2-3 cups a day. I made the rules easy enough: have a medium flat white from every place on Cuba Street within seven days.

Sunday, March 7th

I began the first day by analysing Google Maps for every place I could get a flat white. As I started noting them, I realized… these aren't all the coffee places on Cuba street. I could name five extra places off the top of my head. I knew it was up to me to create Pōneke’s definitive list.

After an hour, I had a rough sheet of 20 supermarkets, tea shops, restaurants, and cafes where I could get a cup of coffee on Cuba. That meant that I should have between 3 to 4 cups a day until Saturday if I want to succeed. However, I’d soon find out that there are well more than 20 coffee spots on Cuba Street.

Monday, March 9th

On the second day, I began my drinking right at the top of Cuba at Martha’s Pantry, the high tea shop. My first flat white of the challenge? Cheap and delicious. Only a million more to go. My next immediate stop was Orange Cafe, which was great not only because the drink was also cheap, but there was a dog named Ringo! I stopped at a couple restaurants whose coffee didn’t quite taste as good and aren’t worth mentioning. 

At Nolita, I sat down to get a pizza as well to soak up the coffee. If they were trying to impress me, the long wait was definitely worth it because that flat white was one of the best. At this point, I was five cups in and getting a bit spacy. Even though I thought I was ahead of the curve, five cups would soon feel like light work in comparison.

Tuesday, March 9th

Turns out, there's weird places you can get a flat white on Cuba Street - such as the “Do It Yourself” machine at Fresh Choice, the bar in Naumi Hotel, and COSMIC vape shop. I also discovered some staples of Cuba Street were closed the week of the challenge. To the many diehards of Fidel’s, Black Lion Bakery, and Stories Espresso—I tried. Sorry. But I’m kind of glad, because my list had jumped in size as I kept finding more and more restaurants to get a coffee. Like, The Flying Burrito Brothers, for some reason?

Wednesday, March 11th

Three days into coffee chugging and my body started to feel the repercussions. My mind was constantly foggy and spaced out. While I had a lot of great drinks (Hamodava, Midnight Espresso, Samick) and some not-so-great ones (Kaffe Eis, Hei Restaurant, Santeria Pizza), the tastes started to fade into the same. Something I don’t recommend is getting both a pint and a flat white from JJ Murphy & Co. You’ll be tipsy and buzzing at the same time, which my undiagnosed ADHD took as a sign to talk non-stop for 20 minutes.

Thursday, March 12th

This was the day I discovered the best coffee on Cuba Street. After getting a great breakfast at The Oatery and having two coffee dates at Zelati & LEVEL UP, I found Miss Fox Hairdressing. They give a free coffee to customers who get their hair done, and they graciously offered me a free flat white to try. I sat myself in front of the mirror with a golden cup and saucer.

It was the best flat white all week. And it came from a place full of leopard print and cerulean wallpaper! Maybe it’s the espresso talking, but I highly recommend getting your hair done there if only to have the  most frothy, delicious coffee in the CBD.

Saturday, March 14th

This was it; the final day. By now I had knocked off every cafe, teahouse, and sandwich shop, but there were still the big beasts—restaurants that open at 5 p.m. I now have beef with places like El Matador & Liberty Restaurant, because why are you guys only open for four hours? And you serve coffee yet can’t do takeaway?! I had to sit my ass at the bars with a flat white alone in the evening, looking like the most performative bachelor ever. I might as well have pulled out my Sally Rooney novel.

I powered through eight coffees that evening, and the very last place I had on my list was Mother of Coffee, the Ethiopian restaurant notorious for strong joe. I jittered my way inside with two takeaway cups in hand, and the lady behind the counter asked if I was alright. I begged her to make the weakest drink she possibly could.

I finally finished the weekly challenge, basically convulsing at the bus stop with a constant panging in my chest. Yes, I won. But I didn’t get to sleep until well past midnight.

Conclusion:

This week I spent a whopping $152.70 on coffee alone. But I also discovered some great gems that made it totally worth it! I visited 29 places, yet every single service worker who took my order had a smile on their face and was beyond lovely. I know hospitality blows and doesn’t pay well, but part of the reason I’ll be coming back to some places is because there were great people to have a yarn with and who thought the challenge was hilarious. However, everyone should go to these places to enjoy a coffee on my behalf, as I’m currently on a detox and don’t feel well at all.

The Cuba Caffeine Crawl 

Ranking Every Place That You Can a Medium Flat White

(Subject to opinion. Based on cost, hours, & atmosphere)

Rank	Name of Store	Address	Av. Open	Av. Close	Notes:	Cost
1	Miss Fox Hairdressing	45 Cuba St	10:00AM	8:00PM	Closed Sun. Flux. Hours	“Free”
2	Nolita	203 Cuba St	8:00AM	10:00PM		$6.00
3	Orange Coffee Shop	268 Cuba St	8:30AM	2:00PM	Closed Mon	$5.20
4	Midnight Espresso	178 Cuba St	7:30AM	1:00AM		$5.50
5	Martha’s Pantry	276 Cuba St	9:30AM	3:30PM	Closed Mon & Tues	$5.00
6	The Oatery	8 Left Bank	7:30AM	1:45PM	Closed Mon & Tues	$6.00
7	Samic Cafe & Bar	136 Cuba St	10:00AM	4:00PM	Actual Close: Late	$5.00
8	Hamodava Cuba St	202 Cuba St	8:00AM	4:00PM	Closed Sat & Sun	$5.50
9	Zelati Dessert Cafe	179 Cuba St	12:00PM	10:00PM		$6.00
10	Mother of Coffee	210 Left Bank	12.30PM	10.30PM	Closed Sun & Mon	$4.50
11	Floraditas	161 Cuba St	7:00AM	11.30AM		$6.50
12	JJ Murphy & Co.	119 Cuba St	9:00AM	3:00AM	$4.00 at 9AM-11AM/2PM-3PM	$6.50
13	Ombra	199 Cuba St	12:00PM	9:30PM		$6.00
14	LEVEL UP by Axel Coffee	116 Cuba St	10:00AM	6:00PM	Closed Mon	$5.50
15	COSMIC Vape & Coffee	99 Cuba St	8:30AM	6:00PM	Student coffee is $4.20	$6.00
16	Night ‘n Day Cuba Street	139 Cuba St	N/A	N/A	Open 24/7	$5.00
17	Fred’s Sandwiches	149 Cuba St	10:00AM	3:30PM		$6.00
18	Cuba St Tavern	172 Cuba St	?	?	Weirdest Hours Ever WTF	$6.00
19	Highwater Eatery	54 Cuba St	5.00PM	10.00PM	Closed Mon & Sun	$5.50
20	FreshChoice Cuba St	250 Cuba St	7:00AM	10:00PM	Self Service	$1.00
21	Kaffee Eis Cuba Street	146 Cuba St	7:30AM	10:30PM	The seats were comfortable	$5.50
22	Hotel Bristol	131 Cuba St	12:00PM	12:00AM	Closed Mon	$5.50
23	Hei Restaurant	126A Cuba St	11:30AM	2:30PM	Closed Sun. Flux. Hours	$6.00
24	Naumi Hotel	213 Cuba St	5:00PM	9:00PM	In the Lola Rouge Lounge	$5.00
25	The Flying Burrito Bros	182 Cuba St	5:00PM	10:00PM	Closed Mon	$4.50
27	Santeria Pizza and Pasta	247 Cuba St	4:00PM	10:00PM	Flux. Hours	$5.50
26	Loretta	181 Cuba St	5:00PM	10:00PM	Flux. Hours	$6.50
28	Liberty Restaurant	227 Cuba St	5:00PM	9:00PM	Closed Mon	$5.00
29	El Matador	196 Cuba St	5:00PM	9:00PM		$6.50

Note: Crouching Lion, Fidel’s Cafe & Stories Espresso Bar were not open.

Second Note: I was also coked out of my mind on coffee when I drank them all.