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JAMIE CLUMPAS (HE/ANY) As students descend back on to the city, it looks like Wellington has dodged a bullet—for now. Latest assessments show that the risk of the city moving to more extreme water restrictions has dropped by almost half since January, but authorities warn we are not out of the woods yet. Wellington Water has been warning of acute shortages of treated water since the start of Summer, and have put restrictions in place. Most of Wellington is on a level two water warning, which only bans the use of outdoor irrigation systems.  The likelihood of a shift up to level three water restrictions has dropped from 76% to 43%. Level three would see all outdoor water usage banned.  However, students already concerned about their flatmates’ hygiene should thank their chosen deity that the risk of level four has dropped to 17%, down from 33%. Level four requires a reduction of all household water use, urging a maximum of two minutes for showers and only one load of laundry per person each week. If a level four level is reached, Wellington Region Emergency Management ( WREMO ) would likely step in to declare a water emergency. It has been warned that areas of Wellington could temporarily have their water shut off entirely. WREMO has recommended Wellingtonians store 140 litres of water each in case of these shutoffs; a collective 500,000 for the approximately 3600 students moving into university accommodation. Accommodation services are confident, however, that the university’s reserves are adequate, with a spokesperson telling Salient “the University has two 90,000L water tanks on the Laby and Kirk buildings on the Kelburn campus, as well as two emergency water tanks which hold 45,000L.”  VUW management have maintained a relationship with WREMO and Wellington Water, and say they are prepared for possible increases in the risk of shortages in halls. To reduce the university’s water use, students have been encouraged to use the half-flush function on campus toilets, and to take shorter showers on campus and in halls.  Works to fix leaks on Vic campuses were completed last year, however students and staff have been urged to contact property services should they see “any unexpected running water" on campus. A spokesperson for Wellington Water told Salient that the improving situation means student’s can breathe a sigh of relief. "Our message to students is the situation is stable and we expect there will be adequate water supply for the residence halls and campus" Even though the situation has cooled, the spokesperson warned that the risk of increased levels has not subsided entirely; “If usage peaks, or there is a major outage or a reservoir went unexpectedly offline, this could have significant impact on the network, and an escalation to level 3 or even 4 is still possible.” Maintaining a buffer between water capacity and demand is essential to avoiding shortages in case of unplanned outages. Estimates show that as much as 45% of Wellington’s treated water is lost to leaks, severely impacting the ability for the agency to keep the system resilient. When Auckland’s leakages crossed over 13%, it was described as a "serious event" that "needs attention". The crumbling state of our pipes is a direct result of council underfunding, with Wellington Water admitting that investment in replacing the pipes has “not kept pace with the number of pipes nearing and exceeding their operational lives.”  With council’s narrow left-wing majority secured by Green candidate Geordie Rogers’ victory in last week’s council by-election, debate will continue—the council is so far relying on a controversial agenda of asset sales to pay for long-overdue investment in our Wai.

Xavier Farrow-Francis (any/all) FROM ACROSS THE GLOBE Fountain Baby  by Amaarae (Ghana/USA) Handily one of the most dynamic and vivacious albums released in 2023. It’s a straightforward record about enjoying life’s simple pleasures: love, money, sex, lesbianism. You know, all the best parts of living. But it’s one executed like no other of its sort. Amaarae’s girlishly sweet and silky voice is the glue that fuses some terrifically masterful production. Thumping afrobeats + lushly arranged beds of instrumentation = an undeniably arousing album that I guarantee will have you moving. If you’re a fiend for R&B, you seriously can’t let Fountain Baby  slip under your radar. Listen if you like : Doja Cat, Burna Boy, Rema, Victoria Monét Genres : Afrobeats, pop rap, alternative R&B Esoteric  by Kiss Facility (UAE/Egypt) Sensual, melancholy, and full of intrigue, the debut EP from Kiss Facility – vocalist Mayah Alkhateri and producer Sega Bodega – is as beautiful as it is wistful. Almost entirely in Arabic, Alkhateri sings of loss and self-discovery across gossamer tracks with reverb-soaked vocals and guitars, sexy downtempo drums, and sweeping synths. Despite how mournful the subject matter can be, Kiss Facility steadily keeps the music graceful and alluring, tapping into the sound of alt-rock and trip hop from the late 90s and early 00s. Esoteric  is ethereal, luscious and sincere, and is among the most fulfilling listening experiences 2023 had to offer. Listen if you like : Massive Attack, Cocteau Twins, Eartheater Genres : trip hop, alternative rock, shoegaze, dream pop SUPERNOVA   by Ralphie Choo (Spain) Trying to encapsulate the whirlwind of an album like SUPERNOVA  is a bit of an impossible task, but I’m gonna do my best here. It’s probably the most instrumentally eclectic thing I heard last year. From the production side of things, Ralphie turns all these sharp corners yet none of them feel half-baked or too odd. It makes for a super fun listen and in the process, gives the album a sublime surprise factor. And he knows exactly what he’s doing too, as he swaggers all over each and every track, never wasting a moment to constantly flex his superb musicianship. Essentially, this album is just really really cool and if you’re looking for something familiar but perhaps with a twist, I couldn’t recommend SUPERNOVA  enough. Listen if you like : ROSALÍA, BROCKHAMPTON, Frank Ocean Genres : neoperreo, glitch pop, experimental hip hop, Latin electronic Heavy Heavy  by Young Fathers (West Africa/UK) As someone who wasn’t particularly well-versed with much African music, Young Fathers’ 4th LP completely blew my mind. Not to say that this is straight up classically-minded West African music, because that really isn’t the case. Heavy Heavy  is a bit of art pop, a bit of psychedelic, with a lot of inspiration from gospel music and spirituals, and some industrial sprinkled in for good measure. Using West African music as a jumping point, Young Fathers crafted a record that is pretty special. It’s magnificent in size and sound, utterly awe-inspiring, touching at times, and completely powerful. Listen if you like : Algiers, billy woods, U.S. Girls Genres : post-industrial pop, West African music, neo-psychedelia HERE IN PŌNEKE classics   by charmort This may only be one song in a list of full-length releases, but don’t let that dissuade you. charmort’s single released in March last year is quite simply divine. Its energetic and pulsating beats and synths wrap you up with a whoosh, as if they were whispering the secrets of the underground electronic scene to you. Chuck in a sample of Tom Hardy and we’ve got ourselves a wonderfully glitchy and futuristic dance track. charmort’s new Viewfinder  EP expands on the musical ideas presented on “classics” in fresh abundance. You’ll find yourself traversing techno, trip hop, club, and ambient realms just to name a few. Truly one of Welly’s finest creative young producers working now. Listen if you like : Burial, Four Tet, Boards of Canada, Autechre Genres : future garage, ambient techno, IDM Holding Patterns   by Grayson Gilmour Shimmering, wondrous, and exuberant are words that come to mind when I think of Grayson Gilmour’s fantastic Holding Patterns . This record, released via the iconic Flying Nun Records, feels and sounds so full of life. Even when removing the meditative/introspective lyrics from the equation, the instrumentation has a distinct quality to it that breathes experience. One of my favorite qualities of this album is its seamless ability to blend electronics with acoustics. The synths and bass all throughout strike you with awe, and paired with effervescent live drums and Gilmour’s soft and lilted vocals, Holding Patterns is an inspiring listen. Listen if you like : Bon Iver, Japanese Breakfast, Rostam/Vampire Weekend Genres : art pop, indie rock, folktronica Unearthed & Obsolete: Recordings from the Akai GX-4000db  by re:ruby Completely self-written, produced, engineered and recorded in part via a tape machine from the 70s, re:ruby’s Unearthed & Obsolete  is a creative and technological feat. The 7 track project is a concept album written from the perspective of, and about the life of, the titular machine. The recordings are often frail and lo-fi, as Ruby explores themes of obsolescence and rebirth amongst flittery guitar and piano, and delicate vocal passages. It’s an introspective little album that packs an unexpected amount of universality despite its specific topic. Listen if you like : beabadoobee, Mount Eerie/The Microphones, Big Thief Genres : indie folk, bedroom pop, singer-songwriter (Soliloquy)  &  (Soliloquy) Remixes   by TOČKA Released in 2022, the debut album from experimental producer TOČKA is a mechanical, abrasive and wild ride. Spanning from harsh glitchy electronics to eerie ambients, it showcased the musical perspectives of an entirely unique up-and-comer. In 2023, a remix EP of the album aimed to showcase more electronic acts throughout Aotearoa, combining a slew of eclectic styles. With a bonus remix from TikTok ‘brain scratch’ sensation Galen Tipton, TOČKA’s (Soliloquy)  projects were a sharp breath of crisp air, and allowed a platform for a collection of innovative new artists. TOČKA’s brand new project Sarcologue  is out now. Taking the caustic sonics of (Soliloquy)  and inserting them into classical instrumentation, Sarcologue is complexly atmospheric and emphasises emotive piano arrangements. Sarcologue is out now. Listen if you like : Arca, SOPHIE, Aphex Twin Genres : experimental, deconstructed club, IDM

DAN MOSKOVITZ (HE/HIM) The Wellington Phoenix Men are top of the league. In the seventeen-year history of the club, that sentence has maybe been typed twice.  For a club who are usually mediocre at best, this is uncharted territory. The last time the Phoenix were top of the league was nine years ago. What’s more, Wellington are the only club in the competition to have never won a trophy. Teams added as recently as 2019 and 2020 have titles to their name. This season, Wellington might finally get one.  As such, there’s never been a time when the Nix deserve your support more. Their atmosphere is one draw. Unlike most sports in Aotearoa where you sit down and quietly watch the game, the Nix’s active support - the yellow fever - is up and vocal all game long. This includes a delightful array of chants, including “seagull, seagull, seagull” (when you see a seagull) “we’ve got the ball” (or alternatively, "we've lost the ball”) amongst more commonplace chants. It’s an experience unlike anything else in NZ sport.  There’s an Auckland-shaped threat on the horizon too. For their seventeen years of existence, the Nix have been the only Kiwi club in the competition. Next season, Auckland, backed by billionaire Bill Foley are set to join the competition, making the Phoenix underdogs to Auckland before they’ve even kicked a ball.   So who would you rather back? Billionaire-backed JAFAs or your new local team defying the odds? Come down to a game at the cake tin - you won’t regret it.

DAN MOSKOVITZ (HE/HIM) On Saturday, he won a seat on the city council in the by-election to replace newly-elected MP Tamatha Paul. On Wednesday, he lost it. Geordie Rogers, his Green Party competitor won Lambton Ward thanks to special votes, which are not included in the preliminary count.  Mr Rogers, 24, is best known as the current Renters United president. On Saturday Mr Tiefenbacher, 55, founder of Kaffee Eis and running as an independent, preliminarily beat him by 621 votes. A day later more votes were tallied. Mr Tiefenbacher’s lead became just 164 votes, with 590 left uncounted. An unassailable lead suddenly became assailable.  The swing continued its trajectory. On Wednesday, Mr Rogers won in the final count by a 45-vote margin. The results are still a shot across the bow for the Greens, given Ms Paul previously held Lambton with the largest margin in the city, and the recent general election wins in Wellington Central and Rongotai.   Turnout was low at 25.47%, potentially contributing to Mr Rogers’ close shave. Mr Tiefenbacher’s key pitch was to stop wasteful spending, including the Golden Mile and cycleways, while focusing fully on investing in infrastructure projects.  Mr Rogers, in contrast, ran a campaign around cheaper housing, decarbonisation, and investment in public transport and infrastructure.  The results mean the status quo should continue on the council, given Mr Rogers should follow Ms Paul’s footsteps and vote progressively.  Given the tight margin, it would not be unheard of for Mr Tiefenbacher to request a recount. However, according to the 2022 WCC Candidate Handbook , recounts usually only occur “when a result is very close, i.e. less than 5-10 votes, depending on the size of the election.”

Picture credit: Ben Pope Words by: Guy van Egmond (he/him) Perhaps I shouldn’t have gone to this show. Because, truth be told, I knew I was going to love it. I’ve watched hours of Mock the Week and Taskmaster and Live at the Apollo: that gloriously dry, deadpan British humour is my shit.  But not just mine, apparently. More than 65 people turned out for Ben Pope’s Holy Cow on a Wednesday night; a pretty solid turnout which Ben wasted no time in bullying us about (who goes to a comedy gig on a Wednesday?!). With some strategic table placement, Fringe Bar felt basically sold out: the perfect, cosy little venue for a deep dive into love, death, the endless void of existence, and a day in the life of a Westminster hype man.  Mister Benedict Pope (yes, that is his full name) took us on a tour of a life inextricably tied up in everyone else’s weddings. He’d been there as a waiter, a singer, a best man and an obligated friend, because everyone is turning 30 now. His three main stories wove quite seamlessly between discussions of unconditional love (reserved for dogs only), God and Jesus (the Catholic brand ambassador), and bullshit astrology (“Sorry I cheated on you, but I’m a Cancer and we’re spontaneous”, said his ex).  It was an incredibly well-written show, very clever and surprisingly clean. He played his deadpan and cheerful deliveries well against each other, and balanced rapid-fire jokes with slower punchlines. His stories devolved into greater debauchery every time, but with enough conclusion between chapters to let us breathe.  Which I mean literally for the two women behind me. By the halfway point of the show they’d lost all sensibility, in a feedback loop that kept them cackling uncontrollably. Even Ben had to stop and wait, which did highlight his biggest flaw. His crowd-work was little more than a reactionary quip here and there, which made it feel very much like a ‘show’. Totally fine, but an intimate venue like Fringe Bar lends itself very well to a bit of back-and-forth banter; he definitely missed out on riffing with some too-drunk patrons. That said, he opened with some really nice local stuff, Absolutely Positively taking the piss out of the Wellington wind and kiwi kindness.  Ben Pope is not, as he called it, a ‘drugs fellow’, but his Holy Cow  show felt like the conversation you have at 2 in the morning, lying in the Botans with your friends, stoned off your faces. It was absolutely delightful. Unfortunately the man was only in New Zealand for the week, and this may have been the last time he performed Holy Cow . However, it might come back as a recorded show on Youtube, so keep an eye out!

Picture credit: NZ Fringe Words by Chloe Eichler (they/she)  Author’s Note: I know Sarah Penny, who plays Alice and Joanne in the show. An Old-Fashioned Lesbian Love Story Whisking us back to a world of swing jazz and giggle juice, Bars Behind Bars  is an immersive experience. From the moment the audience enters, the actors are scattered about, welcoming us, having secret conversations in the hallway, sending us back in time. The show begins with a fourth-wall-breaking introduction to the characters and their lives at The Cat’s Pajamas, an illicit bar in Manhattan during the prohibition. When the bar’s owner is murdered in the back room, his wife Annie is the primary suspect of the interrogation.  Despite having a limited area of IVY Bar to work with, and minimal props, the actors interact with them and each other in a way which makes us feel as though we’re in the audience at The Cat’s Pajamas. Making such a small space work in their favour is really impressive. The only drawback with props is that the cork ‘evidence board’ falls over a few times—finding some way to stick it to the wall, even if it takes a whole stick of blu-tac, would make some scenes run more smoothly. A highlight of the show for me is the use of voice—the 1920’s New York accent is so distinctive that the show wouldn’t be the same without it, and they were nailed for the most part. And though the music is slightly too loud at times, the clear diction of the performers ensures the lyrics are still brought to life, which is commendable given the speed at which they fly by. In a show with characters who do morally questionable things, it makes sense that we dislike the characters as much as they dislike each other—this was performed especially well by the three leads, creating a clear dynamic between them which invites the audience deeper into the mystery. However, we also need to connect with them, even in ways that make us uncomfortable—like relating to Bill’s resentment or Annie’s vanity. There isn’t quite enough weight in the characters’ vulnerable moments; if the tone slows right down from grandiose to intimate, the audience can appreciate them more. If we see Annie let her guard down, Eddie let go of his panic, or Bill let his anger melt into misery, we connect with them in a more profound way.   For me, a large part of the show’s weaknesses come from its length. Because it’s only 45 minutes, there are no other suspects in the murder mystery, and the ending appears largely out of nowhere. As much fun as it was, it’s not a satisfying plot twist if we can’t see it coming, even in retrospect. With that being said, it’s still satisfying in its execution. “An Old-Fashioned Love Story” is undoubtedly the best musical number, with fantastic harmony between actors both in terms of singing and acting. Allikins and Marilyn Mansilla clearly have a great time performing the number, and their energy is infectious. This energy is also brought into the moments of comedy in the show, which are at their best when improvised and particularly with the audience—it gives the fourth-wall breaking a purpose beyond using it to introduce the characters. With a runtime of only 45 minutes, a small space, and minimal set, props, and costumes, “Bars Behind Bars” still shines brightly.

Picture credit: Hāpaitia social media Words by: Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her) (Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi, Tūhoe) Content warning: Death Hāpaitia, created by Parekawa Finlay and Raureti Ormond and produced by Te Auaha, was an incredibly insightful and significant show that explored themes of the Māori mind and emotion intertwined with Te Ao Māori, our history, our whakapapa and our connection to those.  As I walked in, I immediately noticed the set ambience, with one suitcase filled with dirt in the middle of the stage and more falling in. Lighting and sound helped to create this, with the light almost mimicking what natural light would be and the sound being soft but present. They begin the show with Tīmata, a well-crafted monologue and waiata resisting their respective connection through the whenua of their whanau to Papatūānuku that reminds me of tūpuna on the marae. Then starts Te Kaikohi, where Parekawa explores the internal colonisation of her mind and her journey to free herself from the colonial mindset. With an outstanding balance and smooth transition of humour and serious discussion, she talks about Horatio Robley - a coloniser from the 1860s - and his part in our history in and around the Waikato invasion during the Māori land wars. She bears her whole self in a confronting yet validating first half.  This was complemented by special lighting and sound design, which helped demonstrate emotion and attitudes at the time and connected her kōrero back to the Tikanga of Māori people. She beautifully explains Tikanga Māori to help illustrate just how different these attitudes were. Raureti then launches into Te Whio, the whistle, which utilises an ensemble to demonstrate some possible kōrero from the victims of the Tangiwai Disaster. Set on Christmas Eve 1953, the kōrero and waiata provide an emotional experience as you watch the characters give their own lives and the chance to ever see home again. It's a touching and thought-provoking piece that brings us into the heads of those victims. It was evident that much effort had gone into how the waiata was sung and how they sounded, including what different harmonies, emphasises and quiet moments would tell the audience about a particular character or the group. The choreography was well-matched and executed with great timing.  The lighting, along with the costumes and props, effectively conveyed the setting and time period. The ending, Mutunga, had an almost whanau vibe, encouraged by the use of 'Country Roads' by John Denver between Raureti and Parekawa as they brought us back to the main themes and our connection to te ao and each other.  Overall, the show and everyone involved did a fantastic job showcasing topics that can be hard to understand and incorporating aspects from Te Ao Māori. If I had any ways to improve, it would be refining it a little in some waiata and chorus but more importantly, if I had one critique, it would be that the show should be open for more than four days. I would encourage everyone to watch it and listen attentively to its message.  Show Details: Te Auaha (Tapere Nui) 21-24 February 2024 7.30pm shows 4.30pm matinee 24 Feb Full Price $20 Concession $15 Fringe Addict $16 Ticket + 5 $25 Ticket + 10 $30 Book tickets here: https://fringe.co.nz/show/hpaitia or Fringe Box Office

A tale as old as time: men can’t talk to women… Picture credit: Phoebe Robertson Words by: Guy van Egmond (he/him) Turning a five-act verse drama from 19th-century France into a digestible, Bridgerton-era story would be daunting for any theatre company, let alone one that grew from a class of undergrads. But you cannot say they didn’t give it a damn good try. It was wonderful to see a bigger ensemble cast at a Fringe show, with real energy and aspiration; their concept of swashbuckling steampunk poets, fighting with steel and sonnets alike, was truly delightful. Ultimately though, when it came to putting on a well-polished show, The Cyranoid  was tarnished by its overambition.  The play was a fair adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac , albeit quite condensed. The story followed Cyrano—decorated war hero and wordsmith—who the world has deemed disfigured and thus unworthy of Roxane, the woman he loves (thankfully, this adaptation did skip the bit where she’s his cousin). Squarely in the friendzone, Cyrano ends up ghostwriting love letters to Roxane for Christian, a pretty-boy soldier who lacks the wit to woo her. The Cyranoid  gets the gist of all that, as well as cramming in at least seven songs, four other love affairs, three different accents and too many crude one-liners. Not to mention the Franco-Spanish War and the French Revolution (which inexplicably happened at the same time?) and an uncomfy amount of shock comedy based on queer sex and kink.  In all its ambition, the play gave itself no time to sit with its own story; almost no one had space to grow or develop. It reduced everyone to mere stock characters, making most scenes feel very melodramatic. That said, characters who could flex and mature a little, such as Ethan Cranefield’s Christian, stood out immediately. He served as a strong anchor to every scene he was in. Roxane and Cyrano (Ava O’Brien and Alex Quinn) rounded out a strong trio of leads, with nice flashes of chemistry and strong delivery.  However, the delivery of lines very often served to muddy the already murky waters of the plot. Many lines were swallowed by the backstage shadows, as actors turned away from their audience. Though almost everyone seemed to be mic’d up, this only caused more problems, as dialogue was lost to bumps, crackles and poor mixing. Most disruptive however, were the French accents that some characters put on. Clearly an over-the-top comedic bit, they were thick to the point of unintelligibility.  That said, when we could catch them, the moments of fourth-wall and TikTok comedy got a hearty cackle from the whole audience (this reviewer loved the nod to ‘Roxanne’ by The Police). The show absolutely did pull through at some points, including the original music by Nate Smyth, Teddy O’Neill’s consistently good lighting design, and Alanah Munn’s incredibly fun and romantic costume work—not to mention her wahine toa Captain le Bret, who was a strong supporting character.   The Cyranoid  certainly bit off more than it could chew, when it came to scope and execution. That said, the joy coming off that stage was truly palpable; everyone brought an incredible passion and energy to the show. Though its time at Fringe has by now come to a close, I hope that Les Mécaniques stick around. I think they had the bones of a really fun show, and perhaps one day they might revive its ticking heart. I’d check it out again if they did.

Picture credit: Circus of the Night Words by Chloe Eichler (they/she)  The circus is in town, but it might be a little different than you remember…   In a mesmerising hour at the Fringe Bar, “Circus of the Night” presents a variety of classic circus acts - juggling, knife tricks, acrobatics - alongside the glamour, sequins, and risqué fun of burlesque. With these ‘tricks and bits’ promised by the charismatic host, this show is a match made in heaven.   And of course, what better way to start the show than with some bits? Allikins Rose’s performances are bombastic, captivating, and cheeky (literally). With layers upon layers of sequins, feathers, lace, and silk, they easily have the most extravagant costumes. Seriously, if I had a list of all the fabrics I associate with burlesque, I could tick off pretty much all of them with just Allikin's first act. But the best part of their performances is the silliness - an often neglected part of burlesque. The silliness invites the audience to let themselves go and have a great time, and it absolutely works without undercutting the sexiness.   From the other half of the show’s initial promise, there are the tricks. The ease and informality with which Matthias Goed introduces himself to the audience is merely a ruse, behind which sits some ambitious circus tricks that must take years to master. From spinning flaming knives on his forehead (technically, the tea lights hanging from the swords were flaming) to standing on a balance board on top of another balance board, the once-rowdy audience was stunned into nail-biting silence. There was a moment when the handle came off one of his knives - it may or may not have been a bit, but it played off well regardless. The next circus act is Lisa Komatsubara, one of Aotearoa’s top jugglers, who begins her act without a word. Juggling seamlessly with three balls, then four, then five - all in time to the music - was incredible. But as impressive as the act is, it’s not quite tonally cohesive with the rest of the show - the lack of costume and flair was made more pronounced by the fact that it was right after the flashiness of Allikins Rose’s performance. Not only would Lisa’s act benefit from a more spectacular presentation, an act which requires that level of skill deserves to be presented well. As well as producing the show, Nicole Maisley (AKA Athena Rose) also stole it. With the perfect balance of tricks and bits (and perfect balance itself), she was utterly captivating. Spinning around on an aerial hoop in the first act and aerial loops in the second act, the grace and strength, but most importantly the effortlessness of her performance was astounding. It was majestic AF.   And the host, Zane Jarvie, was the glue that held it all together - while audiences often freeze up at the prospect of their participation, Jarvie is a professional at making an atmosphere that was equal parts comfortable and engaging . While the performers are preparing backstage, he serves us up a tight five to divert our attention, made all the better by the willingness and energy of the crowd - only in Wellington would Some Random Guy eagerly volunteer to drink beer from a sippy bottle attached to the belt of a man with plasters over his nipples because he’d been ‘a good little adult’.   The music and lighting cues were simple but seamless, and the Fringe Bar was a fantastic choice of venue - there was plenty of space for the performers to move around, but it still had the intimate feeling of what I imagine cabaret shows in the past were like. Despite there being a couple of slip-ups (which were played off very well), and a bit of a sightline issue for the back half of the crowd, they were more than made up for by the jaw-dropping, oh-my-god-how-are-they-doing-that viewing experience that you can only get from a circus.   Circus of the Night was fun, fresh, and as risqué as it was impressive. To me, the secret of the show is this - the nail-biting tricks make you want to look away, but the bits and the costumes make sure your eyes never leave the stage.   Unfortunately, they’ve packed up their tent for the time being, but Circus of the Night will be returning to Fringe Bar on March 28 th  - and whether you’re there for the tricks, the bits, or a little bit of both, this show is entertaining as hell.

Words by Ethan Manera (he/him) and Francesca Pietkiewicz (she/they)  A curious condom machine in a men's bathroom on Kelburn campus has vanished following reporting by Salient , with the university sending mixed signals. The coin operated machine piqued Salient ’s interest in April for its retro charm and bizarrely off-branded product.  When asked back in April, machine co-owner Andrew told us that although he has personally “never worn a condom”, students were eating them up, “It's a well used machine.” Now, students no longer have the protection of a $2 studded Johnny. The wall in the men’s bathroom on level 1 of the Student Union is bare, with four screw holes left in memory of the metallic money-maker.  We can't know for sure how many unplanned pregnancies have happened as a result of its removal—we don't even know why it was removed in the first place. Salient  issued a ‘please explain’ to the university. A spokesperson said, “The condom machine in the men’s toilets outside Mauri Ora was removed in late 2022 as it was no longer operational. The university attempted to make contact with the supplier but received no response.” However, this simply isn't true. Salient  has seen evidence that a student purchased a condom from the machine in March this year, and used it successfully.  When questioned further, the university replied that “although the removal was requested in late 2022, the machine was not actually removed until 12 April 2023”, merely nine days after the publication of our original article. They also claimed that “the machine was not operational, with its mechanisms, dispenser, and feeder rusted and non-functional. There were no signs of recent replenishment.” But Neil, the other co-owner of the machine, reckons “that's not true at all”. He said the machine was fully operational and regularly refilled, claiming it was one of their most successful machines nationwide.   Neil was contacted by the university two months ago, by “someone who thinks they wield some power” to remove the machine, and says it “was a real shame because it was getting a fair bit of use”. He said he doesn't want to cause any trouble with the university, he just wants to reinstall the machine and get back to business. “I’d love to put it back,”Neil said. “If you can pull some strings and get it put back in, I'd be really grateful.”

Words by Angie Johnson (she/her)  I savour your name on my tongue still My mouth salivates as I reminisce on the flavour of how it used to feel The way it would wrap flawlessly around the individual letters Like golden honey dripping down my throat The taste is not as sweet as it once was There's the presence of a tartness Memories turned slightly sour Your smell haunts me as the thought of an old friend would Sneaking up my nose releasing a deja vu ache Let me roll around in your sheets like a child in long grass I want to walk home with a smile smacked to my face Past the old church and the trees in cages With you lingering off my neck once more I've touched another body since yours My fingers stuttered Sparks of betrayal whistling in the tips The landscape was different from the glorious terrain of your skin I would have travelled over you till my legs gave out and buckled beneath me My final resting place in your embrace I look for your perfect face in every crowd and down every street My eyes are becoming tired Reruns of grey buildings and bland expressions The world has lost its charm since you left me Bruised on my bedroom floor Can’t our eyes meet again through a coffee shop window? And dance like birds of paradise The way you said my name still echoes through my head Leaving trails of clementine sweet kisses down my eardrums The little gravel notes tickle my heartstrings Like hearing a song for the first time And knowing you’re never going to grow tired of it The inflections of your voice in the strawberry blush of the evening sky

Words by Niamh Vaughan (she/her) and Maia Ingoe (she/her) VUW has become a hotspot for politicians heading to cast their vote, with Labour’s Grant Robertson and Ibrahim Omer voting in the Hub last Wednesday, and the Greens’ Tamatha Paul and James Shaw, alongside Wellington mayor Tory Whanau, voting here last Monday. Deputy Prime Minister Carmel Sepuloni showed up in support, but didn’t cast her vote.  As part of their political efforts, Grant Robertson and Wellington Central candidate Ibrahim Omer “awkwardly paraded around university, disturbing studying students to ask them if they’ve voted yet,” a bystander told Salient .  Robertson was closely followed by Study Wage For All protesters holding a banner with the words, “Only 37% of full-time students get any kind of allowance…the main culprit here is the National Government’s absurd means-testing programme.” This quote was from Robertson himself in 1996 when he was president of NZUSA. “We're holding up the sign to kind of remind him about where he's come from and what he should vote for,” said incoming VUWSA president Marcail Parkinson.  Robertson ignored the protestors until Hana Pilkinton-Ching, a Study Wage For All activist and current VUWSA campaigns officer, confronted him. “[When you were a student politician] you said that the current levels of student support were bad. Here you are, like three decades later, what are you doing about it? [...] Labour ruled out expanded eligibility to universal allowances, even though that's what you want to campaign for.” “We've done a lot over the last few years, including bringing in fees free, lifting allowances, [and] consistently lifting access to accommodation support. I know we haven't been able to do everything that you want, or that back in those days I was looking to do,” replied Robertson. The voting booth was not the only thing Grant Robertson paid a visit to, quickly turning to the Niuean Students’ Association sausage sizzle in the Tim Beaglehole Courtyard. “I’m not like the Prime Minister. I don’t eat lots of food,” Robertson said, promising to return for a sausage after he’d cast his vote.  Voting booths in the Hub are open on weekdays from 2-13 October, and voting closes overall for the 2023 General Election on 14 October.