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Ashleigh Putt-Fallows, Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi-Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe Drugs are the biggest boner killer out there and, even if they don’t kill your stiffy, they can lead to a severe case of blue balls. MDMA, acid, coke, ket and even good old weed can and likely will affect your performance in bed.  I bet I know what some of you are thinking “I had the best sex of my life when I did ___” or,  “I could still have a great time on ____”,  and all power to you if you can. But trust me as you experiment more, mix more, or even just get older you’re gonna have to make the choice between pleasures.  So what drugs affect you getting up? Most of them, even prescription pills can lead to erectile dysfunction or other dick based issues when it comes to the bedroom. Some of the most prescribed medicines in New Zealand, such as antidepressants and antihistamines, are notorious for cutting down your morning wood.  Recreational drugs or party drugs can also affect your ability to get jiggy. The most commonly used recreational drugs in New Zealand are cannabis (weed), methamphetamine, MDMA, cocaine, and heroin. Each has different effects downstairs. Weed is the least risky of the common use drugs when it comes to pillow talk time, though it has been linked to erectile dysfunction and a struggle to orgasm.  Methamphetamine is a silent hard-on murderer, as short term effects are less common and often are reported to increase sex drive; long term does the opposite, and due to the drugs addictive nature it’s easy to become dependent on. While MDMA often can prolong sex and cause intense orgasms, that's only if you can get it up. One study showed that 40% of men can’t get an erection while on the drug. Cocaine is debatably the one of the worst drugs for funny business. You’ve heard of “coke dick”—it's very likely you won’t be able to get hard or stay hard while the drug is in your bloodstream. Long term use of coke can cause permanent damage vascular damage which affects your blood circulation, including to your lil buddy. Heroin gets even worse, with a reported 74% of users struggling to climax and 65% having difficulty to get hard. Alcohol (like the infamous whiskey dick) and nicotine can also have an effect.   Drugs in both the short and long term have physical effects which cause lack of blood to your chub—and alongside previously mentioned vascular issues and spinal reflex issues, long term effects can include a drop in libido, from reduced dopamine and testosterone. There is also a mental aspect to drug use and an unlaunched pocket rocket: consistent use of drugs to heighten your sexual experiences can mean in your sober life sex becomes less enjoyable. It's important to acknowledge that besides the effects on your intimate life, drug use can and is very dangerous in a lot of ways and can cause mental health issues and physical issues, especially when addiction comes into play.  All this to say if you want someone to conquer your Krull the Warrior King (aka Pork Sword), avoid drugs.

Checked by Luquin Brennan (they/them) I started checking people’s drugs when I was eighteen and naive. A friend of mine joined KnowYourStuffNZ (KYSNZ) a bit before me, said something along the lines of “Hey Luquin, check this out, I think it’d interest you”. And it did. I went along to the first training session with a couple of friends, but they both dipped soon afterwards. At my first “clinic” for drug-checking I felt underqualified, in my shiny yellow shirt. The hardest thing that I’d taken was alcohol—would I be expected to provide advice to people on cocaine? Fortunately, all the more experienced volunteers had my back when there were unusual results. KnowYourStuffNZ started 2015. By bringing drug-checking equipment into raves in the middle of nowhere, KYSNZ filled a niche. Drug-checking organisations are not new, however most of them previously have operated in a legal grey area, with volunteers at festivals risking arrest to keep people safe. KYSNZ operated like this until 2020, when they were permitted to check people’s drugs for festival season. This was then extended with the Drug and Substance Checking Legislation Act 2021, meaning KYSNZ and other drug-checking agencies such as the Needle Exchange could operate year-round. This act permanently legalised drug-checking in New Zealand, a world first.  A couple of summers ago I had the privilege of going to Taniwha’s Den, a music festival in the Wairarapa, to check people’s drugs. I got a lift with a generous fellow volunteer and threw myself into a festival full of people I didn’t know, headlining artists whose music I hadn’t heard. It truly was an experience. Because it was my first overnight music festival, I came heinously underprepared in terms of food and booze. Fortunately, I brought a bunch of cash to buy food, but no alcohol was sold on site. At night, I felt like the only non-drinking person in a mass of swaying people. Swirling visuals were projected onto the bare rockface, and loud music thickened the air. During the day weather was sweltering, and the most activity I could muster was walking from under the trees to by the river and back again. Checking drugs in a tent was so different from the controlled environment of the indoor “clinic”. The tent was musty, the specs were set up on trestle tables and powered by car batteries. A sign outside the tent proclaimed: “Ask us about nangs!” Everyone seemed more easy-going.  The substance Wellington KnowYourStuffNZ checks most is MDMA, also known as ecstasy, a stimulant which makes people more euphoric and affectionate. Other things commonly brought to us include cocaine, ketamine, and acid. We have to reagent test acid—for other substances we put them on the ‘spec’ (a Fourier Transform Infrared Spectrometer if you want the exact details). This is a piece of equipment which shoots a beam of infrared light into a substance, captures its spectrum (a kind of chemical fingerprint), and sends it to a laptop. The computer has databases filled with the spectra of thousands of substances, from MDMA to caffeine to sucrose to “ LIPO drop powder (red)”. It can then compare the spectra of the substance which has been scanned to the database, and find the closest matches. Sometimes it’s what people assume, and the client leaves relieved and satisfied. Other times it’s just filler, another drug, or something entirely new. After a drug has been checked, the results are communicated back to the client, plus advice on the safest method of taking the drug. I find this one of the trickiest parts of volunteering, especially if the result is something rare like 2C-I. Then, if the drug is what the client expected, KYSNZ volunteers will return it to the client. If it’s something that the client didn’t expect, they can choose to either keep or destroy it. When something new and potentially dangerous comes up, KnowYourStuffNZ can send it to Environmental Science Research (ESR), a research lab which has more sophisticated equipment. ESR can find out more information about a new substance such as its toxicology. Last year I did shift lead training, although it might be a while before I become a shift lead proper. Shift leads deal with setting up the spectrometer, any unusual substances that come up, as well as difficult conversations with clients. I’m not quite confident on that last part, although I’m trying (you may have seen me on the stall at O-Week). I’ve really enjoyed volunteering at KYSNZ at its allowed me to step out of my comfort zone, do chemistry, and talk to new people. If you’re out partying, I’d hugely recommend getting your drugs checked. It’s free, confidential and lessens the likelihood of having an unpleasant time.

Ethan Wolfe (he/him) A selection of five movies, each perfect for a lazy night at home.   Human Traffic (1999) Music, Welsh   A comedy about five friends in Cardiff, Wales, set over one weekend out. It’s a great window  into the music scene of the time, featuring great late 90s early 2000s fashion, and the best film  depiction of MDMA I’ve ever seen. It uses each character to tell touchingly human stories. Jip  and Lulu struggle with sexual hang-ups, Koop tries to sort out relationship jealousy, and Moff begins to deal with the consequences of his aimless, drug-fueled lifestyle. The real star though is  the soundtrack, a showcase of the many moods of UK electronic music.   All the Beauty and the Bloodshed (2022) Documentary, Independent   A documentary by photographer Nan Goldin, that covers both her personal life and career, as  well as her current activist efforts against the Sackler family, the creators of OxyContin. The part  covering her career delves into the pain of her personal life and the impact of it on her work,  which covers queer subculture and her personal relationships. The part on her activism shows her  efforts against pushing the Sackler family name out of the art world, a tactic they used to give  themselves a positive image, and her staggeringly effective results.   Half Baked (1998) Comedy, Cult   A great stoner comedy co-written by and starring Dave Chappelle, with cameos including Snoop  Dogg, Willie Nelson, John Stewart, and more. Dave Chappelle definitely carries the movie with  witty writing and great comedic timing, and he also managed to work in narration in a way that  doesn’t come off as obnoxious or lazy. When you want to get stoned and watch a movie, you  want something that’s entertaining and simple enough that you can enjoy it without having to  pay too much attention, while also including lots of little details and sequences for you to fixate  on. Half Baked walks that line perfectly, and unlike a lot of stoner movies, it’s still good if you’re  sober.   A Scanner Darkly (2006) Sci-Fi, Animated   A real odd-ball of a movie in a good way. Fronted by an all-star cast of Keanu Reeves, Winona  Ryder, Robert Downey Jr., and Woody Harrelson, based on a novel of the same name, and  covering some pretty heavy topics such as the war on drugs, rehab, and addiction. It’s set in the  not-too-distant future where the U.S. has lost the war on drugs and is being plagued by a new,  ultra-addictive drug called Substance D. It’s a sci-fi thriller that really keeps you guessing and  builds to a fantastic pay-off, and is definitely worth a watch for the one time.   Trainspotting (1993) Drama, Scottish   A film that seeks to answer questions that hopefully most of us will never find the answers to  through our own experience, such as: Why do people do heroin? Why do people continue to do  heroin? What is it like to get off of it? And what is it actually like to live as an addict? The film does this while also digging into the everyday relatable issues surrounding friends, relationships,  and trying to find your direction in life. It also includes some amazing comic relief and manages  to come off as a comedy, gritty crime film, inter-personal drama, and heist movie all rolled into  one.

ETHAN ROGACION (HE/HIM) Last Wednesday, VUWSA Te Aka Tauira held its AGM which, unfortunately, does not stand for A lot of Gold and Money. Instead, it refers to an Annual General Meeting, in which VUWSA does a lot of Procedural Stuff. An AGM also allows student members—who VUWSA represent—to ask questions of its executive, and to pass motions. It took over 20 minutes for the AGM to get started, as VUWSA struggled to pull together its minimum quorum of one hundred students—the organisation’s constitution states that if it fails to reach this number in 30 minutes of the scheduled start time, the meeting lapses and no business is able to take place.  Nonetheless, the meeting did begin shortly after quorum was met. Marcail Parkinson, current VUWSA President, went on to outline what she saw as the big targets for VUWSA this year, including a campaign on renting that offers practical advice and more “politically angled” actions, new campaigns and clubs grants, and pushing for the University to become a living wage organisation. This is despite VUWSA itself not paying its executive a living wage (page 8). Sterling Maxwell from Ngāi Tauira also spoke at the AGM, appearing alongside Parkinson to discuss the VUWSA/Ngāi Tauira work plan which, they say, includes pressing for NT to get a service level agreement with the University, and for the establishment of remuneration for Ngāi Tauira. Currently, VUWSA is the only student advocacy group on campus that is paid.  There was only one piece of general business raised at the meeting—a motion by Salient Editor Phoebe Robertson to “adopt a shark through the Sustainable Oceans Society, and to name it Nic ‘ Salient ’ Smith.” She argued that, “By supporting this project, VUWSA can contribute to valuable research efforts while promoting public safety and environmental stewardship.” Prior to the meeting, Robertson said that she was feeling “excited”, and “felt confident about her motion.” This confidence, it turns out, was unfounded—the motion failed dramatically after questions were raised about whether money to fund the shark adoption could be better used to fund other projects. Robertson revealed that the shark would cost VUWSA $4,000. After failing to adopt the motion, and also the shark, she told Salient that, “You know what, I participated in democracy, so I’m still really excited.” The final business of the meeting was the declaration of the winners of the VUWSA by-election. From 265 votes cast, Pierson Palmer was elected to the Academic Vice-President position, and Lupeoaunuu Vaai was elected Clubs and Activities officer. The Postgraduate Rep (a role created by VUWSA in 2023) was also vacant, but no nominees stood for the position and it thus remains empty.  Palmer said that he is, “very excited to get stuck in and get some real work done at VUWSA,” aiming to focus on “quality of education.” Vaai told Salient she is especially grateful to Pasifika students who backed up her campaign, and said that she hopes to help bring about a campus that is “pulsing with energy, diversity and [inclusivity].”

Words by: Alia Marshall (she/they) “Being cool? Yeah, tino māori.” This line from Two Guitars sums up exactly how I felt after leaving the show, and has been stuck in my head since I watched the opening on Saturday. Written by Jamie McCaskill and directed by Carrie Green, this meaningful and challenging comedy has a little treat for everyone, the theatre lovers, the music lovers, even your uncle who’s only seen Phantom of the Opera on DVD.     After a lovely but incredibly tiring day at CubaDupa (shouts out to the team who put it on) my friend and I are excited for a chill 80 minutes of music and fun. The set (Ian Harman) is stripped back but as the lights dim it becomes clear this is the green room where the majority of the action takes place. It’s great fun noticing the little details that add to the greenroom feel like the snacks station, we smell slight hints of gentrification with the conference screen in front of the weave pattern on the wall. The show opens with our two characters, Te Pou (Jamie McCaskill) and Billy (Cameron Clayton), performing a waiata full of cheek and charm. From the get go, I’m obsessed with their chemistry when they’re singing together, it’s a shame it was a seated performance because I would’ve absolutely gotten up for a boogie.     Now, one thing about me, is I love a ‘big game’ or ‘big concert’ moment, working up to the make it or break it moment for the characters is a classic and really satisfying narrative device. Two Guitars focuses on the pair as they prepare for their ‘big concert’, a live performance of the songs that helped them win a māori singing competition. However, as two māori who missed the reo bus and weren’t part of the kohanga generation, are they even ‘māori enough’ to be there? Not only are Te Pou and Billy at odds with one another, but also with their own sense of identity, their own ‘māori-ness’. It’s a story that urgently needs telling, so many third generation māori who were alienated from te ao māori find themselves feeling like they don’t belong in their own world.     The performance from our two characters is stellar, they move between comedy and vulnerability effortlessly - the ‘UNDIES’ line is another one of my faves - though I find myself wanting to see a few more moments of unity between the pair. This is remedied at the very end with a small but vital exchange between them, two words carrying so much weight bring them together like the gorgeous harmonies we hear throughout the show. I felt as though some parts of the dialogue/blocking could have been tightened or made to flow a bit better with some small tweaks to the script and direction, but on the whole it truly is a lovely night out at the theatre.     The musical direction is slick and seamless, some of the songs are written by the members of the cast so kudos to them. There’s some excellent moments with the lighting (Tayla Pilcher) which really add to the experience, a single, delayed spotlight on Te Pou is a small but key moment that really stood out to me.     Two Guitars questions what it means to be māori and doesn’t act like there’s one single answer. Rather, as summed up nicely by Te Pou: ‘You be a You Māori. And I’ll be a Me Māori. And Billy will be a Him Māori.’    Two Guitars is on in Circa One until the 13th of April.

DARCY LAWREY (he/him) Last Thursday, Wellington City Council passed what Councillor Nīkau Wi Neera described as “the most pro-housing, ambitious set of amendments that we could”, as the council voted on changes to the District Plan.   The meeting saw the council’s biggest break from the NIMBY-ism which has defined housing policy in the city for decades. W after W for affordable housing flashed onto the council’s voting screens.   So overwhelming were the wins for affordable housing that Councillor Nicola Young may have been left with a mild case of amnesia, saying “I’m so numb about the district plan I can barely remember what [the amendments] are.”   Notably, the council has defined the Johnsonville rail line as mass rapid transit, ending speculation on whether a train is indeed a train, and allowing for countless new homes to be built along the line. Some opposition to the decision came from Young, who said she thinks the line is like the Thomas the Tank Engine books she used to read to her son. Young: “It’s a little chugalug-chugalug”. She was, however, quick to clarify that she “loves trains”. If carried through by Minister of Housing Chris Bishop, the changes to the plan are going to redefine Wellington’s housing situation.   Despite this long list of transformational changes for housing, it was a smaller change that will have caught many Wellingtonians’ eyes. At last, a long-abandoned former social housing development—the Gordon Wilson Flats—has had its heritage protection revoked.   Thanks to a lawsuit brought by Wellington Architectural Centre against VUW and WCC in the Environment Court, since 2017 only graffiti artists have been able to touch the building, which stands on ideal land for the University.   At the council meeting, Councillor Ben McNulty put forward an amendment to remove heritage protection for a variety of properties, including Gordon Wilson, which passed 16-2. Tina Wakefield, the University’s chief operating officer said that VUW was “delighted” with the council’s decision, pending minister Bishop’s approval.   A neighbour of the flats on The Terrace described the news as “the best thing to ever happen”, and suggested that the University should “tear them down”.   While the University is currently pretty far from being able to afford a massive teardown and redevelopment of the site, a previous proposal, Te Huanui, looked at transforming it into the University’s ‘front door’ to the city, with new teaching facilities and easier access to the Kelburn campus.   Although Te Huanui would not include any student housing, Wakefield says that VUW is intending to provide more accommodation, and a more diverse range of options, in the future. There is much more work to be done when it comes to affordable housing in Te Whanganui-a-Tara, but things might be looking up. Mayor Tory Whanau, at last week’s council meeting: “Give us a bit of time, and we’ll get some affordable homes for you all”

DAN MOSKOVITZ (he/him) Consumer NZ is establishing which corporations are frequently lying to consumers by exaggerating their eco-friendly credentials, and holding them to account. You (yes, you!) can help.  Kiwis from across the country are encouraged to send examples of potential greenwashing to Consumer NZ, who will examine whether said claims are true on your behalf.  Greenwashing is where a product is made to appear more environmentally friendly than it is. This can take many forms; misuse of the words “green” and “eco", packaging which looks more sustainable than it is, and much more.  “What we’ve seen in Australia, the UK, and the EU is that 40-50% of sustainable claims were found either unsubstantiated or misleading,” says Gemma Rasmussen, Consumer NZ’s head of advocacy and research.  As Rasmussen explains, people will pay a premium for sustainable products. Yet actually discerning between what’s eco-friendly and not is nigh impossible. According to Consumer NZ ,  while 44% of Kiwis will switch to a greener brand to be more sustainable, 47% of Kiwis cannot tell whether a product’s green claims are truthful or not, and three-quarters of us have never checked.  Misleading consumers is illegal, but the Commerce Commission is reliant on citizens reporting companies who break the rules.   With the government uninterested and the Commerce Commission toothless, Consumer NZ took matters into its own hands. “Our investigators will spend hours trying to unpick sustainable claims,” says Rasmussen. “They’ll look at what’s on the product, check the website, and try to touch base with the producer. It takes a lot of time. So for any person trying to figure out what's genuinely environmentally friendly is really difficult.”  You can report potential greenwashing to Consumer NZ on their website.

DAN MOSKOVITZ (he/him) Last Saturday the Wellington Phoenix men downed Sydney FC 2-1 at Eden Park, in one of the ‘home’ games the Nix bring to Auckland each year. That win was the last time Auckland will be ‘home’ for Wellington: a couple of days earlier saw the unveiling of Auckland FC, the latest addition to the A-League, and a rival to the table-topping Phoenix.  Auckland FC’s announcement cleared up one of the biggest pieces of speculation surrounding the club: the name. When the bid was announced, Billionaire owner Bill Foley’s clear preference was for ‘Auckland Black Knights’; Foley’s sporting empire is named Black Knight Entertainment, and he’d previously named his hockey team the ‘Las Vegas Black Knights’.  Yet ironically, the name Knights is the singular name an Auckland-based football side cannot have. Between 2005 and 2007 the New Zealand Knights were Auckland’s A-League team. They won six out of their 47 matches and finished last both seasons before disbanding, sparking the rise of the Wellington Phoenix from their ashes.  Consequently, Foley’s preferred name was the only name which wouldn’t work in the specific sporting code in the specific city he chose to invest in. Instead, Auckland’s nickname will be the Black Knights, while playing under the official banner of Auckland FC.  Auckland FC’s name announcement comes after Foley signed Sydney FC’s former manager Steve Corica, and former Sydney FC player Terry McFlynn as Director of Football. Imitation is clearly the sincerest form of flattery. The team will play in a blue and black pinstripe kit, which has generally been positively received. The badge however has received more mixed reviews, appearing overly crowded to some. We’ll present them here without comment. With Auckland  FC’s inception, the Wellington Phoenix are Aoteroa’s sole A-League-rep no more. What’s more, the Nix finally have a bona fide rival. Auckland won’t even join the League until next season, yet already competition heats up: Wellington’s win over Sydney was interrupted by a pitch invader wearing the Auckland kit. How he got the kit remains a mystery, given Auckland’s attire has not been commercially released.  Newshub reported   “a source” claiming the stunt was planned by Auckland FC, with Eden Park’s consent—only for said source to retract their story five minutes later. On Wellington’s side, the Phoenix (before the pitch invasion) launched a change.org petition to include Tāmaki Makarau in Greater Wellington’s borders , allowing Auckland-based Phoenix fans to continue to cheer on their ‘local’ team.

Words by: Cherida Fraser (she/her) Myth and misinformation about sex work is endless, and everybody’s lived experience is unique. So what you may have learnt from family, friends, or films will possibly be inaccurate, and what one sex worker says will differ from another. We are not all cut from the same cloth. I was a talker, my colleague isn’t keen on chatting to her clients at all. Some like taking their time getting to know clients, some prefer getting straight down to business. Some prefer longer bookings and fewer clients, others a series of 20 minute quickies. Generally though, what most sex workers can agree on is that you should always get the money first, no one realises how much time full service workers spend doing laundry, and stigma remains the biggest issue in our lives.  NZPC: Aotearoa New Zealand Sex Workers Collective is a peer organisation with broad lived experience–peers who have worked on the street, in brothels, and independently; peers who are trans, NB, and cis; peers of all ages and different cultures; peers who are sugarbabies, full service workers, strippers, content creators, sensual masseuses, dommes, and so on. Our kaupapa at NZPC is to support the health, safety, rights, and wellbeing of all sex workers. We have a team of passionate, compassionate and informed sex workers (past and present) to sort your free condoms, book you in for clinic, and talk through questions like what to expect from your first booking, why lube is so important, and how to use a dental dam. We will happily sit down for a cup of tea and a natter about anything sex work related; whether you are brand new, still thinking it through, or a veteran.  We are here to share our collective, community, and lived experience that has informed us for over 35 years. We don’t need to know your name and are not here to judge. We are not the sex work police and won’t tell you how to do your job. We are simply here to make sure sex workers have all the information they need to work safely and have their rights upheld. And our mahi goes beyond safer sex. We know that hauora can thrive when people are treated with respect and have their rights upheld. That’s why we take a holistic approach. Our mahi is macro and micro and everything in-between. On any given day you might find one of us educating medical students or training detectives, while another is standing with a sex worker to ensure they get their MSD entitlements or supporting someone through a mediation. Decriminalisation of sex work in 2003 means sex workers have rights like anybody else*   And at NZPC you never have to worry about stigma or discrimination when disclosing your sex work, because as a sex worker you already belong here.  Welcome! *There are still imperfections in our legislation, in particular Section 19 which prohibits people on temporary visas from doing sex work. We also could make improvements to our laws around conditional consent, discrimination of occupation, hate speech/hate crimes, contractor rights and collective bargaining etc.  Follow our Instagram page @_nzpc  Cherida Fraser Community Liaison NZPC: Te Waka Kaimahi Kairau o Aotearoa Aotearoa New Zealand Sex Workers’ Collective

DAN MOSKOVITZ (HE/HIM) Aoteroa loves birds. Ask any kiwi about our biodiversity and you get loads of aroha towards our native kiwi, takahē, kākā, weka, and more. Here at Salient, we have a bird of the week. But here’s the thing: we shouldn’t.  New Zealand loves birds too much. Our avian infatuation comes at the expense of other cool creatures. New Zealand has 170 native bird species, not much more than our native lizard population of 126 species. But that pales in comparison to the invertebrate-to-vertebrate ratio. New Zealand has 35,000 species of animals in NZ, of which 33,000 are invertebrates.  Yet our invertebrates here are neglected, as is the trend worldwide. In Europe for example, researchers studying mammals receive 500 times the funding  than one looking at invertebrates.  Invertebrates for reference are species without vertebrae (spines). Think insects, jellyfish, squid, starfish—pretty much anything which isn’t a bird, mammal, fish, reptile, or amphibian.  Hence Salient (well, just me really) decided to give our native invertebrates some attention. I emailed every Member of Parliament to account and asked them the hard-hitting question; “What’s your favourite invertebrate?”  We received a multitude of responses from a variety of MPs. Here are some prizes for my favourite responses.. Most culinary-based reason: Carmel Sepuloni, Greg Flemming, and Maureen Pugh all said crayfish (kōura) purely because of how tasty they are. Green MP Scott Willis also said the freshwater crayfish, though he didn’t mention eating them. Funniest justification: Labour MP Arena Williams’s favourite invertebrate is the giant wētā—because one bit her badly enough to draw blood a few months back.  Most popular invertebrate: Also the wētā. Its five votes beat out the aforementioned kōura (four votes), as well as bees and worms, which both had three responses each. And fair enough; wētā are awesome  Most unique invert: National’s Suze Redmayne chose the colossal squid (which you can see at Te Papa). Colossal squids live up to their name; they can be up to 10 metres long, weigh 800 kilos, and fight life-and-death battles with sperm whales in the deep ocean. They’re the world’s largest invertebrate.  My favourite answer: Alongside Salient , I also work as a research assistant here at Vic where I study velvet worms, also known as peripatus. So when Dunedin duo Rachel Brooking and Ingrid Leary responded with peripatus, I was a happy happy man.  Cool inverts which I don’t have the words to get into: Pūriri moth, cinnabar moth, octopuses, powelliphanta snail, alpine grasshoppers, and more.  Best response: “My favourite invertebrate is David Seymour” - James Shaw.  i

By Maia Campbell (she/her, Kāi Tahu), for Thursdays in Black VUW The Coalition of Chaos are dead set on removing relationship and sexuality education from the school curriculum in Aotearoa, despite the protests of politicians, teachers, education unions, and anti-sexual violence activists and groups (like ourselves). The bumbling boomers currently leading our motu are fuelled by what NZEI Te Riu Roa president Mark Potter calls “conspiracy-based thinking”, with Winnie P claiming schools are being too ‘woke’ and Luxon arguing that parents should be teaching this stuff to their kids, not schools. In an era of misinformation and disinformation, Luxon and his colonesians seem to be following in the conservative footsteps of our Pacific neighbour, the United States of America, whose sex education is sustained by traditionalist Christian views of virginity and morality. In a twist of irony, while New Zealand conservatives believe that our current sex education programs are ‘all about sex’, the traditionalism they idealise is exactly that. In a startling number of US states, instead of teaching kids about sex, they preach abstinence-only, because if they don’t teach them about sex, they won’t have it, right? Oh, so very wrong. The ‘education through omission’ traditionalism favours is incredibly damaging to young people, physically and emotionally. The reality is that by the time kids get to high school, they know what sex is, and many are either doing it or thinking about doing it. Not talking about sex does not erase desire for it. Without knowledge or understandings of contraception and consent, young people may find themselves in entirely preventable harmful situations. The problem with putting the onus on the parents to teach their kids about sex in the home, as Luxon is suggesting, is it allows bias to enter the conversation (if the conversation starts at all). I feel incredibly lucky that my Mum, coming from a background in sexual health, was super open to discussing sex with me. Many other parents may feel embarrassed to talk about this stuff with their kids, or will just perpetuate the same kōrero from schools. Opening up a safe space in the whare to talk about sex is super important; if tamariki don’t feel comfortable going to their parents before engaging in anything, they definitely won’t feel comfortable going to them if something goes wrong.  Education is one of the premier keys to empowerment; knowledge truly is power. When we give rangatahi the words and the tools to express their feelings and desires, and to do so safely, we give them power and agency. The whakaaro of Luxon and his goons are formed from pure misunderstandings of what we mean when we say ‘sex’ in schools; it’s not a dirty word and should not be treated as such. Understandings of consent are crucial to the prevention of sexual harm, a glaring problem in Aotearoa today. Sex education has become a political tool, the wellbeing of our youth a diplomatic bargaining chip. To conflate relationship and sexuality education with ‘wokeness’ is simply demeaning to the competence of young Kiwis.

ETHAN ROGACION If you’ve recently been to The Lab at Kelburn campus, or its more recent off-shoot “Kimchi Noodle Bar”, chances are that you’ve noticed something… weird about their menus. It all looks really… glossy? And, is that a raw egg yolk sitting on top of a bed of vegetarian fried rice? No… it couldn’t be… DOES THAT HAND HAVE SIX FINGERS? As you may have noticed, The Lab’s new offering appears to be using AI-based image generation in order to create images advertising their menu items. Some of the most egregious examples include an image of orange juice, surrounded by fake reviews. Additionally, a person with six fingers—who also apparently does not know how to use chopsticks—is shown picking up the noodle salad. The noodle salad appears to be comprised of nine cubes of assorted vegetables. One eagle-eyed Salient reader wrote in to us, saying that, “[Kimchi Noodle Bar] are making the food, they should be able to take photos of it to advertise properly. Otherwise, I can’t trust that the food that they have is anything like what they show in the ‘photos’.” Yuan Ng from The Lab told Salient that, “Whilst rebranding the store [from The Lab to Kimchi Noodle Bar], our photographer was unavailable to help us take any photo as they are away on a holiday.” Ng says that they used the “technology available to us all” in order to solve that problem. It is unclear whether Kate Middleton took inspiration from The Lab or not— Salient has reached out to Buckingham Palace to confirm.