Rough Sex is Becoming Normalised. That’s a Problem.

CW: Sexual Violence, Strangulation, Death

Rough sex and sexual strangulation are becoming more and more common among students. An understanding of the risks involved, which can include headaches, pain, memory gaps, unconsciousness, or even death, is not.

In the US and Australia, just under 60% of undergraduates have experienced sexual strangulation. While statistics from Aotearoa aren’t available, a report commissioned by ACC found sexual assault services were seeing admissions due to choking rise “from 2 to 25% in recent years.”

The report also noted how rough sex and sexual strangulation are now widely “accepted and expected.” 

Disturbingly, another report by Parliament’s Justice Committee stated that some (especially young adult) victims of sexual strangulation were now presenting to A&E instead of a rape clinic, as they did not consider what had happened to them sexual assault.

Strangulation is a crime under New Zealand law, irrespective of whether consent was given.

One potential reason for this is how commonplace depictions of rough sex and strangulation are, both in porn and in mainstream media. Te Herenga Waka criminology lecturer Samantha Keene, who studies rough sex, cites the opening scene of the opening episode of the show Euphoria, which opens with sexual choking without any discussion or consent. 

When asked if strangulation has been normalized, Keene pushes back—but only to try and denormalize it. 

“If we start talking about rough sex as normal, we're accepting it as such,” says Keene. “But what I think I can say is that rough sex has become common.”

While strangulation can of course be done consensually, Keene is hesitant to say it can be done safely. 

“If we adopt a medical position, there is no safe way to strangle, and that is quite well regarded in the domestic violence space and gender-based violence space as well.” 

“But we have to meet people where they are, and if people are engaging in this, we do really need to be raising awareness about the full spectrum of harms associated with this practice.”

So, is there a solution?

The UK is leading the charge on this; they’ve recently outlawed portrayals of choking in porn. While Keene says we should watch how this pans out “really closely,” she stops short of recommending New Zealand follow suit. 

Rather, Keene says the solution lies largely in education. New Zealand currently has no mandatory sex education, which Keene says is necessary to ensure sex is a healthy, fun, and consensual event.

In the meantime, Keene sees raising awareness as the necessary next step.

“We need an awareness raising campaign. We are very clear that there are demonstrable harms associated with being choked during sex, irrespective of consent. 

“So there is an obligation, and I think a duty of care, to raise attention about it.”