Placed by Legoloscar Aragorbbie (he/him)
9: ARAGORN
Coming in strong at number nine is Aragorn. The reason for Aragorn being at the bottom of the list is because Aragorn is a lesbian. I will not be explaining further or taking questions on this matter.
8: GANDALF
Gandalf simply does not have any transgender vibes to me, like, at all. Gandalf, I think, is the resident chill cis guy who just inexplicably has seven or eight close trans friends. Gandalf would totally invite me to get a pint of mead with the boys at the tavern and literally not even be weird about it.
7: BOROMIR
Boromir is lowkey the platonic ideal of a fantasy hero. He’s valiant, strong, and has a very angular World-of-Warcraft face. A true manly man. Shoutout to all the trans guys out there who go super hard on getting jacked, or like, lumberjacking, or whatever it is the manly bros are up to.
5 & 6: MERRY & PIPPIN
I love these hobbits. They seem like the type of cool guys I’d meet outside at a house party and have a deep and meaningful yarn with. Merry and Pippin also 100% have their community’s backs. I mean, convincing the ents to join in with the war against Saruman? Those are some guys who will stick up for their people. That’s pretty respectable.
4: SAM
Sam is one of my favourite Lord of the Rings characters. He’s loyal, kind, and the best friend (read: gay lover) a hobbit could ask for. Also, Sam gets to be in the top half because when I was a kid, my brother and I had the Shelob Lego set and Sam was my favourite of the minifigures. Are you taking this list seriously? I’m not.
3: FRODO
Ha, I bet you all expected Mr Frodo, everyone’s favourite short king and main character to top the list. Well, he’s up there—you fellow tboys know he’s a pretty cool guy to watch and say “wow, he’s so me for real”, but real scholars of tboy swag can identify two members of the fellowship who are really swagging it tboy style far beyond the rest.
2: LEGOLAS
It’s him, it’s the barrel-surfing, physics-defying twink you all know and love! Legolas is the best, what do I even say? He has beautiful flowing hair, elegant green clothes, and he’s also an incredibly skilled archer. I would so encounter this man at Ivy, tearing it up to some Charli.
1: GIMLI
Alright, at number one, top of the list, the Fellowship member who I personally reckon has the most tboy swag, it’s Gimli. Gimli is special because not only does he have the plucky cavalierness and short stature that tboy swag as a concept is built on, but he’s also a bear and you know I’m right. Gimli is the greatest synthesis of transgender whimsy and self-assured, strong masculinity. And that is why he is my favourite swag tboy from the Fellowship of the Ring. Peace.