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Octopuses Holding Glow Sticks.

May 12, 2025
1 min read

Kermit Winona 

Scientists gave octopuses MDMA, just to see. You see, 

they hate each other. 

The octopuses, I mean. 

They just really, really 

hate each other 

(unless they’re fucking) 

(and then they go back to 

hating each other). 

And it’s not their fault. 

It’s not as though every 

individual octopus 

woke up and decided 

to be a misanthropic mass of tentacle and rubber skin. 

Their corally strings of fate 

simply lead them to a life of 

assured self sufficiency. 

(Aside from the fucking, sometimes.)

Living this way, they have no reason to doubt 

the ocean floor belongs to 

them only them only them. 

And so the scientists said: 

Oi! Let’s change that! 

And pumped them full of rave candy. The poor things loved it.

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