Broadcasting Standards Authority to be scrapped, replaced with brand-new Winston AI

Ryan Reinolds 

Last week, the decision was made to dismantle the Broadcasting Standard Authority. In explaining the move, Minister for Media and Communications Paul Goldsmith cited, among other things, inconsistencies between digital and print media, along with removing more “red tape.” 

In order to keep up with consistent regulations, Goldsmith has announced an AI replacement for the authority: Winston AI. The new system is eponymously named after not once, not twice, but thrice-former Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters.

Using the brand-new state-of-the-art Invercargill AI data centre, the latest large language model has reportedly been trained entirely on Winston Peters’ Facebook page. 

Speaking to The Horse’s Mouth, Peters said: “In order to weed out the cultural Marxists and their wacky woke ideologies, we have trained our chatbot on the only thing I know I can trust: myself.” 

Peters refused to comment any further, telling The Horses Mouth he believed the wider publication, Salient, to be “fake news” and “liberal propaganda."

Early testing of Winston AI has reportedly shown promising results. When asked whether climate change is real, the chatbot allegedly responded, “That’s a very good question, sunshine,” before changing the topic to immigration statistics from the 1990s and demanding to know who funded the interviewer.

Government officials insist the AI will improve efficiency across the media sector. New legislation introduced to Parliament this week aims to operationalise Winston AI. The oddly named Not My First Rodeo Bill 2026 proposes to give Winston AI sweeping powers over media regulation. 

Under the bill, all media reporting would be checked for inherent bias and categorised into one of three groups: Communist, probably Communist or New Zealand First Policy.

However, critics have raised concerns over the transparency of Winston AI after the system repeatedly refused to answer questions directly, instead accusing journalists of “running a smear campaign” and somehow bringing Jacinda Ardern into entirely unrelated discussions about fishing quotas.

The Government has defended the rollout, arguing that the reforms represent the future of modern governance. 

A spokesperson for New Zealand First told The Horses Mouth:  “People are sick and tired of these elitist experts telling us what we can and cannot report on.” 

The spokesperson went on to say that so-called “experts” probably received their degree “thanks to that socialist Labour policy of handing out fees-free education.”

Prime Minister Christopher Luxon is yet to comment on the proposed reforms. However, a spokesperson from the Prime Minister' s office noted that, once operational, Winston AI would play the role of “kingmaker” in the formation of future New Zealand governments. 

There has even been some suggestion that, to ensure a stable coalition, Winston AI will also share the Deputy Prime Minister’s position with ACT Party leader David Seymour. Where this will leave physical Winston is yet to be clarified, as some sources tell us he has already been replaced by Winston AI and we are just yet to notice.

Meanwhile, Seymour has welcomed the move, proposing that all future school history curriculums also be reviewed by AI “to ensure children are protected from dangerous concepts like empathy and public transport.”