What your coffee order says about you

Chai: Chai drinkers will scold you for saying Chai Tea, and explain to you that you’re actually just saying the same thing twice. These drinkers will think that they’re better than you just because they don’t have to rely on their morning caffeine hit to wake up. 

Hot Chocolate: Lets be honest, you don’t go to the cafe because you like to, do you? You order this to avoid the social anxiety of not ordering anything and sitting at the table empty handed. It’s okay, hot chocolate drinkers, just maybe talk to the doctor about your anxiety at your next appointment. 

Tea: Tea drinkers, why are you paying $4 for a cup of tea when you could make one at home for a much lower price. Hell, VUWSA would probably let you borrow their kettle if it meant you weren't forking that money over to Big University. Tea drinkers, we love you, but learn to budget and chuck some tea bags in your tote bag. 

Flat White: Do you actually know what you’re ordering, or is this just the coffee your Mum bought you once to try and you kept ordering it? You either know exactly what you want; simple, classy--or you have no idea what you want and are too scared to try something new. 

Latte: Do you actually know what you’re ordering, or is this just the coffee your Dad bought you once to try and you kept ordering it? You either know exactly what you want; basic, elegant--or you are confused about what you want and too anxious to try something new. (Get the joke? You see, it's actually since they’re basically the same thing [laughs]). 

Boba: Now, how did you sneak onto this list? Boba, you’re a weird texture and this author doesn't like you. If you order Boba you scare our editor. She doesn't believe this is actually anyone's favorite. Next.  

Espresso Martini: Now, where did you find this on Campus? At Salient we are impressed (and want to know your secrets). Probably not the best wakeup before your classes but a great end to the long workweek. Bartenders will hate you though, as soon as you order one of these everyone else at the bar wants one… you trend setter, you. 

Long Black: You spent all your money going to town, didn’t you? That’s okay, just maybe learn how to budget next week. You know that you don’t have to buy everyone a round at Dakota, right? Or you’re just a VUW staff member, they all seem to drink this one (and I don’t think they’re going to Dakota). 

Espresso: You are what Chai drinkers fear. Caffeine has you in a choke hold and that’s okay, you just need the quickest fix possible. You took a gap year to travel to Europe and loved a morning espresso in Italy and now it's your key personality trait, along with your English Lit degree. 

Iced Latte: Have you put the pride flag up in your hall room yet?

Iced Coffee (with cream): You’re either queer or questioning. You accidentally ordered this thinking it would be an iced latte and your IBS isn’t going to like you later. But that’s okay, you’re not going to say anything so let's not even pretend you’ll send it back.  

Smoothie: You probably skipped breakfast and want a smoothie to make yourself feel better about it. Don’t worry, I’m not going to make fun of you. I’m just proud of you for eating before lunchtime, keep up the good work.