Words by Teddy O'Neill (he/it/they) | Ngāpuhi, and Kate Seager (she/her)
Episode 116: Bob Mortimer:
Taking the hot cheese of chat and pouring it over the nachos of humour, Bob chooses to picture Genie-James wearing a football jersey and blue cowboy boots within seconds of his entrance, so you know it’s off to a great start. Truly a man after my own heart, Bob describes his starter as soft, floppy, salty and delicious: the humble Odeon hotdog. He’d like to have his bread course in the 60’s, then the starter course three years later, so that Bob can keep track of the couples in the restaurant and get invested in the drama. Wait, is this Off Menu or Love Island? Regardless, this episode slaps. - Teddy
Episode 23: Dynamo
The Magic Man himself. The first magician on the Off Menu podcast provides an episode to ease you in: it’s chill, it’s where the rumours about the River Thames really started, and Dynamo the magician is there talking about his dream meal, which includes giant yorkshire puddings filled with corned beef hash made by his grandma, who may or may not also be James Acaster. Really, his menu reflects the pub food lover in all of us. They also answer the age old question: did falling into the River Thames cure or cause Ed’s type one diabetes? - Teddy
Episode 185: Florence Pugh
Deep and sumptuous is how you’d describe Miss Pugh’s menu, and her voice. MY GOD what a joy it is to listen to. Florence’s menu is one for foodies and hospo workers, as she deep dives into life growing up with a restaurant owner for a dad—hardly surprising as she describes each dish with such detail to the point of specifying the arrangement of food on the plate. Listeners will be pleasantly surprised to know that James tries (and fails) to bring up Midsommar, leading to a twenty minute discussion of the ins and outs of Florence’s experience on set. For first time listeners this episode is exactly what you would expect from Off Menu. Three Michelin stars, would highly recommend. KS
- Kate
Episode 119: Jamie Oliver:
Jamie Oliver, renowned chef and one of the UK’s foodie darlings. How can you not want to hear two comedians annoying him into telling them his dream menu? They talk for an unbelievable amount of time about underwear, but honestly it’s still great to listen to. Upon the ceremonious question, POPPADOMS OR BREAD? it’s revealed that Jamie has brought them a plate of different poppadoms to chow down on, (listen with caution: the crunching is loud.) Jamie’s meal sounds delicious, and it’s a fun, upbeat episode with actual food knowledge included, for once! - Teddy
Episode 103: Bimini Bon Boulash
Remember that time in lockdown when we made margaritas in the sunny back garden and ladled it into each other’s mouths in place of shot glasses? No? Just me, and apparently Bimini Bon Boulash. When asked the question “poppadoms or bread?” not only was Bimini’s menu the first to suggest raw bread dough and make it sound delicious, but she curated an entirely vegan menu I would gladly ladle into my gob every day of the week. Bimini talks of the cooking and eating habits of her mother (Heather) and boyfriend (Stefano), as well as providing restaurant recommendations I will be trying during Euro summer this time next year. Still not convinced? All I can say to that is: UK hun? KS
- Kate
Episode 235: Amelia Dimoldenberg (Live in Manchester)
You know her, you love her, but this is no Chicken Shop Date. Rather, it’s a live episode where Ed watches patiently as Amelia and James’ personalities gel like “two kids meeting for the first time”. Amelia is a woman after my own heart: she eats two breakfasts (one of which is a smooth bagel with Lurpak butter), her dream water is from her grandparent’s shower, and her McDonald’s order is a Happy Meal with four chicken nuggets and chips, and has a designated drawer for the toy. I didn’t particularly enjoy the chaos of this episode—but what else have we come to expect from Amelia Dimoldenberg? KS
- Kate
Episode 42: Greg Davies
If you know me you know that I love a Christmas Special, and boy oh boy do the Off Menu lads pull it off. “Who the fuck are you? Who made you Doctor Shatter?” Greg cries, as Ed suggests shattering his poppadoms rather than breaking off pieces, before saying that anyone who orders a starter is just as rude as those who shatter poppadoms. The Jolly Green Taskmaster Giant himself is the first in the series to pass on not only one course but two, deliberately skipping out on a starter and a side. This surprises no one as Greg, notoriously not a food boy, provides a detailed description of his medium-done steak fillet main course, and yes he WILL LEAVE THE RESTAURANT if anyone dares to disapprove of his steak’s doneness.
- Teddy
Episode 237: Lucy Beaumont (Live in Manchester)
I’m no Brit but “since they’ve had a Tory government in power the gravy has got worse”. Well, that’s according to Northern comedian Lucy Beaumont. Why, you may ask, has gravy been on a steady decline since David Cameron’’s big win? : “Because gravy is love”. This b-b-b-bonus live episode of Off Menu takes listeners on a journey through “deep savoury flavours”, mini yorkshire puddings filled with cottage pie (don’t mind if I do), and possibly the best story involving a horse you’ve ever heard. Although Lucy’s episode takes my second to top spot for the horse story alone, I’d recommend taking a lie down immediately after listening—it’s quite a ride. KS
- Kate
Episode 225: Susan Wakoma (Live in Bristol)
Ed, James and Susan walk into a bar. Susan wears a white veil, multiple rings on each finger and mourns the death of her five husbands (one of which fell off a boat proclaiming his love of lemons). Ed pretends to be the mother of one of Susan’s ex boyfriends. James has a scruffy little beard. After dining on many oysters, many plates of truffle pasta, and many portions the worst side dish ever, they exclaim to an overworked and underpaid bartender: “Give me something that’s gonna wake me up and fuck me up.” If you listen to one episode on this list it has to be this. The Off Menu menu of Susan Wakoma is my all time favourite—not for the menu, not for the ex-boyfriend anecdotes (of which there are many), but for the best reaction to “POPPADOMS OR BREAD?!” in the history of the podcast. What a treat. - Kate
Episode 229: Sam Campbell (Live in Nottingham)
Picture a thirty-two year old man wearing a shirt that says FOOD LOVER, and a red crash helmet. Atop the helmet is an upright fork, with a vegetarian sausage skewered onto it. This is Sam Campbell, my favourite comedian. Sam’s menu is an actual trip; from getting into sparkling water via the Sydney library who apparently give it out for free, to a main course of Biangbiang noodles, (“ It's just the longest noodle you've ever seen. So, when you see a bowl of this stuff you're like, 'Oh, there's probably 40 noodles in there.' There's, like, three.”) They talk Portino, they talk pickleball, and Sam provides a guided meditation to describe what a pikelet is. Sam also has to tell the boys what Shapes are, because apparently no-one in the UK has ever had the delicacy that is Chicken Crimpy. This episode takes the cake—or rather, the sponge roll—for me, but I will say one thing: you will probably have no idea what’s going on the whole time, (in the best way possible.) - Teddy
Honourable Muchions
Ep. 4: Nish Kumar; Ep. 231: Iain Stirling; Ep. 109: Nicola Coughlan; Ep. 241: Mike Wozniak, Ep. 245: Tommy Tiernan, Ep. 227: John Robins, Ep. 226: Noel Fielding; Ep. 5: Aisling Bea; Ep. 62: Ivo Graham; Ep. 176: Paul Mescal; Ep. 85: Jo Brand; Ep. 95: Rosie Jones; Ep. 100; Ep. 200.
Comments