Opinion: The Left Needs a David Seymour

Fergus Goodall Smith (He/him)

When I first started thinking about this piece of writing, my mind jumped to where it always does as a political nut, the United States. What the democrats need is their own Donald. Then I reigned myself in a little: what the left (in NZ) need is their own Donald. Then I realised that Trump is not capable of existing in the New Zealand political climate. There’s no point writing an opinion piece on something that just isn’t possible. A fresh RNZ-Reid Research poll showed that 44.4 percent of us think Trump 2.0 has been bad for Aotearoa. Just 8 percent think he’s done anything worthwhile. So—someone who does survive in our Parliament. That would be David Seymour. 

For all of his flaws, his quirks, and his general arseholery, I don’t think it can be debated that David Seymour is one of the most brilliant politicians to ever grace the floor of the House. From a one-man army in 2015 to a phalanx of MPs under his command following the 2023 election, he’s done something right. He’s now the deputy PM, a largely ceremonial position, but not in Mr Seymour’s eyes. Talking to Guyon Espiner last week, he was quick to mention the likes of Dick Cheyney as a second-in-command that wielded enormous power. Slightly concerning given Cheyney personally signed off on the CIA’s use of torture, and oversaw the deaths of over 200,000 civilians in Iraq—all whilst enriching oil and gas company Haliburton, of which he was CEO. 

With 8% of the vote, ACT with Seymour at the helm has leveraged a relatively small margin to enact massive change and societal upheaval. He’s shoved his agenda down the throats of nearly every New Zealander, first with the Treaty Principles Bill, and now with the Regulatory Standards Bill. He’s often spoken out against Luxon, and suffered no consequence because of it. Now he’s on the verge of controlling a new Regulatory Standards Board, of which only he can appoint its members. David, to be frank, doesn’t really give a fuck if people hate his guts. He doesn’t care if he’s hugely overreaching, considering 92% of the country didn’t vote for him or his party. He’ll take every morsel of power and influence he can get, and he doesn’t shy away from it. Compare this to the Greens time in power from 2017 to 2020, and two ministerial positions from 2020 to 2023. Can you remember anything they did? Yes, James Shaw was the minister for Climate. Yes, there was the Zero Carbon Act. But did we see a capital gains tax? A wealth tax? Are these not the central issues of the Green Party? For ACT, treaty issues seem to be their top priority, and they’re definitely making headway with them. 

I think a lot of people would look at the title of this article and immediately say “no they don’t, they’ve got Chlöe Swarbrick.” I’d rebut that point. Chöe is too likeable. She’s honest, and obviously capable, but she’s not a slimy git. That’s what the left needs. Someone who can rattle skulls and not apologise after doing so. Someone who will comb through legislation, and carefully construct bills using complex jargon that flies over most people’s heads. Someone who knows who likes them and who hates them, and is pretty content with watching those in the like category switch over to the hate category if it means furthering  their agenda. The left has adorned themselves with the mantle of moral superiority; they trip over it whenever they do something remotely close to the behaviour of this coalition government. Barbara Edmonds could be your favourite aunty, Chris Hipkins your by-the-book, goodie-two-shoes stepdad. That’s perfectly fine, but it doesn’t change much. Okay, I can’t help it, but in parallel to the US, and in the words of Jon Stewart; “Republicans are playing chess, and the Democrats are in the nurse’s office because they glued their balls to their thigh. Republicans exploit loopholes, Democrats complain about the norms over and over and over, and it has ghastly consequences.” Just like Mr Seymour, the left needs to start exploiting the loopholes and language of legislation if they hope to keep up with this government's accelerationist policy.  

There are those still that dismiss Seymour. Those that hark back to his days on Dancing with the Stars. They think he’s some goofball, an odd looking fellow with a nasally voice and a quirky grin. Someone who’s fine with being the butt of the joke. In his words, he hates politics, he’s just an electrical engineer with strong conviction for liberal change. Wrong. Seymour is the most dangerous person in that debating chamber. A cutthroat politician who has his own caucus pinned under his pinkie. He’s a man who won’t forget grudges, or the ministers that made him the butt of their jokes. He’s a slippery trout that even the likes of Espiner and Campbell can’t catch. A man I think even the Prime Minister is scared of, and who rivals Peters in his political tact. Where is that fight, that dirty chaotic Game of Thrones worminess? Where is that on the left bloc?

Yeah, maybe it means you’re a one term government, like this one might be, but does it not feel like more has been rammed through the House in the last two years than in the entirety of Ardern years, half of which had Labour with a super-majority? Or under Key’s rule for that matter? There’s a new, greasy playbook in use now, and it can’t just be David’s fingers leafing through the pages.