(and anyone else doing hookups for cash over Snapchat, Grindr, Insta etc)
Cherida Fraser (she/her)
Sugaring rights are sex workers’ rights and sex workers’ rights are human rights – so if you are hooking up for cash, or UberEats, or handbags, or gym memberships, or rent or anything else, you have rights!
The Prostitution Reform Act (2003) supports human rights and safer sex practices, and sugaring is absolutely covered by this legislation. So even if you don’t think of yourself as a sex worker, as a sugarbaby you are protected.
Firstly, it is our human right to refuse or withdraw sexual consent and this is reinforced in the PRA. You don’t have to do any sexy thing you don’t want to, regardless of what you may have agreed to prior. And you don’t have to give any reason either. No one can say “but you agreed, that’s contract law”. Human rights supersede contract law.
Clients of full service sex workers sometimes move to apps to seek out less prescribed arrangements. But that can be a red flag. Unsolicited offers on social media can be tempting, but beware that there may be identifying and personal information available to the sugardaddy through your regular profile. Sometimes we get reports that sugardaddies have used personal information to try and extort sex, or have threatened to out sugarbabies to their family if they don’t keep seeing them. Consider setting up a unique sugaring profile which protects your private information.
Sugaring clients might say “you’re so hot, I can’t wait, I need to see you right now” and lay it on thick. This can be very complimentary and feel good, but can also be a red flag for boundary pushing once the sex begins. Making hurried decisions can also leave us off guard - we might forget to text our safety person with our plans, or even just forget to chuck those condoms in our bag.
If they are “very relaxed about what happens” or want to take time for you to get to know each other, this can be a way of dragging things out for minimal financial investment. It can also be a tactic to avoid explicit conversations about what you are prepared to do, and what you’re not. It could be sensible to say something like “I’d feel comfortable and safe with you if we discussed expectations and boundaries ahead of meeting up”. If they don’t want to, it’s a red flag for sure.
At NZPC we can chat through all the things to think about when sugardating. We’re a peer organisation and have plenty experience to draw from. We also have free condoms, sexual health screening clinic, and affordable lube and dental dams. We don’t ask you for your real name. Anonymity and confidentiality are at the heart of our kaupapa.