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  • Aunty Vic

Dear Aunty Vic

Q: Is it too soon to move in together? My boyfriend and I, both 20, have been together for 2 years. While my friends and family think it's too quick, I feel it's been fine. Am I being naive? 

At the age of twenty, I entered my first "serious" relationship. He spent at least four nights a week with me. I was enjoying the freedom of living independently, without parents or rules, but I quickly grew reliant on his presence. I would get frustrated, furious even if he could not join me every night or so.. My stability was utterly dependent on him being in my bed nearly-every night. We didn’t live together, but the big-codependency-bear is real. Don’t lose your individuality by trying to grow up too quickly. 

I want to preface this advice with the idea that something being ‘too quick’, is created by society's expectations. There is no official timeline for anything. There may be unique factors in your relationship which have led you to living with your partner. Maybe something traumatic has occurred and you need that support? Maybe it reduces living costs, enabling you to live in the city? If so, then I am sure that this is the best decision for you both. 

However, you are 20-fucking-years-old.  You’ve been together for two years. That means you met in high-school. Look, maybe this person is your soul-mate, twin-flame, or whatever other tik-tok-created-pet-name you want to call them. However, that does not revoke the fact that you have got your entire life to live with your partner.

Whilst you have your entire life to live with your partner, you only have  limited time where you can live with your best friends. Living with friends is nothing short of the most transformative moments of your life, and in my opinion, one of the most rewarding aspects of being in your twenties. The personal development that occurs when living in a flat with your besties is unmatched.  You create life-long friendships and lessons which are priceless. 

So, to answer your question, I don’t know all your circumstances, I cannot say whether you’re being naive or not. What I can say is that by choosing to live with your partner you are missing out on unrepeatable  life moments - when you literally don’t have too. 

Ask yourself, is living with a person you met in high school really worth sacrificing irreplaceable moments of your youth, friendships and self-development?  Is it really worth it when you can have the best of both worlds? You can live with your friends, experience personal development, friendship and learning  as you enter the adult world, and then; live with your high-school-sweet-heart-eternal-twin-flame-lover in the future. You don’t even have to break up. Don’t cut yourself short. You don’t need to be wifed up and settled at the ripe age of twenty, save that for 2030. Enjoy life while it’s in front of you, it sounds like you’re trying to grow up when you don’t have too. 

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