Bested by the Student Union Vending Machine? You Need a Hero

PHOEBE ROBERTSON (SHE/HER)

What gets you through the day? Because for me and the Salient team, the answer is a nice cold drink from the vending machine. For Ashleigh that looks like a Blue V. For Henry it’s a Pepsi. For myself, it’s a good old fashioned RedBull.  

Our Salient offices are located in the bowels of the student union building. It seemed like a miracle when this year a vending machine was installed on the level two of the building, right outside The Bubble. So, reader, tell me why this specific vending machine has stolen over $25 from the Salient team alone. It had refused Teddy service. It has refused to drop drinks for Ashleigh. And in an egregious case, it got three drinks stuck in its dispenser and refused to open for Phoebe. 

[Pictured, Teddy attempting to help Phoebe retrieve her lost redbull. Not pictured: Phoebe, heartbroken.]

However, I was not willing to give up on my Redbull. I returned to said vending machine to watch another poor soul lose their money. As I was punching in the provided number for help an angel came to me. She took her belt off, unholstered a fork, and used these tools to force open the vending machine. While the Red Bull and Primo Banana milk stuck down a bottomless hole at the back of the machine were lost, she did succeed in giving me a Pure NZ water that had been trapped. To my nameless hero, thank you.

Later that day I phoned the number on the machine to find another hero on the other end of the line, who remotely operated the machine to dispense my Redbull (path cleared by my unnamed savior). A true cyberpunk moment. 

I intended this article to be a hit piece. Instead I have learned about the community at Te Herenga Waka, and how we can all band together to achieve great things. Even if said ‘great thing’ is just getting me my Redbull.