An Oral History of Sex

By Shaw McEwan (Te Aitanga-a-Māhaki, Ngāti Pāhauwera, Ngāti Porou) 

and Taipari Taua (Muriwhenua, Ngāpuhi)

Sex and love have always been a part of human history, and for Māori, they were woven into tikanga, whakapapa, and kōrero tuku iho – oral traditions. Before the arrival of the missionaries with their stern faces and heavy Bibles, Māori had a very open and natural approach to sex, relationships, and pleasure. Let’s take a dive into some of the most fascinating parts of Māori attitudes toward intimacy, passion, and the oral histories that have carried these stories through generations.

Ngā Hononga – Relationships and Fluidity

Māori relationships were diverse and fluid, much like the waters that connect our islands. Traditionally, monogamy wasn’t the only model—polygamy and polyamory existed, especially among rangatira to strengthen alliances between hapū and iwi. Love and attraction weren’t boxed into rigid categories. Same-sex relationships were acknowledged and accepted so much so, there was no specific word.

In fact, the word we now use for queer Māori, takatāpui, comes from the story of Tūtānekai and Tiki. While Tūtānekai is often remembered for his love story with Hinemoa, kōrero tuku iho also speaks of his deep relationship with Tiki, his male companion, or “hoa takatāpui.” Their bond was strong and intimate, a reminder that Māori didn’t impose strict heteronormative rules on love and desire.

Another fascinating aspect of sex and relationships in te ao Māori is whakapapa. Whakapapa and whakawhānaungatanga are two core aspects of Māori culture, and many couples in history were arranged politically for strengthening whakapapa, and also relationships with other hapū.

Te Ao Haka, Te Ao Toi – The Erotic Worlds of Haka and Art

Māori oral history is full of haka, waiata aroha, and mōteatea that express deep passion, longing, and even outright sexual desire. These weren’t hidden or considered taboo but were shared openly as a way to express emotions. Some were sweet and romantic, some were fiery and passionate, while others were downright cheeky! (Sex has always been a big part of Māori humour, especially in the Nōti Nōta ;))

Take the famous waiata, "Taku Rākau e", which plays with double meanings of a “tree” or “staff” to hint at sexual prowess. Māori weren’t shy about using nature metaphors for human desire—rivers bursting their banks, trees standing tall, and fires burning hot! These poetic expressions helped preserve stories of love, lust, and heartbreak for generations.

While we have oral history, mahi toi has also served as a way for our stories and whakapapa to be passed down through generations.. Carvings adorning wharenui showcased tūpuna, highlighting their sexual prowess and fertility, with figures in sexual poses and boldly displayed genitalia.

Te Ahi – Fire and Sexual Energy

Ahi is a powerful symbol in Māori culture, often linked to passion and sexual energy. The idea of "ka ngaro i te ahi"  refers to someone deeply consumed by love or lust. Sexual attraction was viewed as a natural and important force, much like the elements of the world.

This is evident in the story of Hine-nui-te-Pō, the goddess of the underworld, who embodies both death and sexual power. Her stories highlight the cyclical nature of life—where birth, sex, and death are all deeply connected. Maui himself met his end when he attempted to enter Hine-nui-te-Pō the wrong way, showcasing that even the greatest trickster-hero should have respected the balance of tapu and noa in sex!

Missionaries and the "Taming" of Māori Sexuality

Things changed when the European missionaries arrived. Their strict Victorian values and religious notions were in opposition to the openness and fluidity of Māori sexuality. Indeed,  many sailors and missionaries had sexual relations with Māori men and women. However, missionaries still forced the belief that sex must only happen between a man and a woman, within the confines of marriage, and for the purposes of procreation. These beliefs then led to the assimilation and censorship of the Māori culture. Whakairo were burned or had genitalia removed. Stories, waiata, haka, and karakia with explicit language or themes were edited or purposefully not retold and shared. A sense of whakamā (shame) was instilled into something that was once natural and open.

Despite this, Māori found ways to keep their stories alive. Whispered kōrero, hidden meanings in waiata, and private teachings ensured that knowledge of traditional sexuality was not completely lost. Today, many Māori are reclaiming these narratives, challenging colonial ideas, and embracing the rich, diverse ways our ancestors understood love and sex.

Reclaiming Our Stories, Reigniting the Fire

Māori sexuality was never something to be ashamed of. Our ancestors celebrated love, passion, and pleasure in ways that were deeply connected to whakapapa, mana, and whenua. By looking back at our oral histories, we can reclaim a more empowered, decolonised view of sex and relationships.

So, next time you hear a mōteatea about longing or a whakataukī with a hidden sensual meaning, remember—you’re listening to the voices of our tūpuna, echoing through time, reminding us that love and desire have always been a part of who we are.