A love letter to Shibari

By Faun Watson

A number of years ago, I started attending Wellington kink events with my then-partner. We had the same goals as many young couples: see the sights, kiss pretty people and explore our sensuality further. That relationship has long since ended, but left behind it a lasting love for the art of shibari. For those unfamiliar, shibari is the Japanese art of rope bondage, in which a partner is bound in patterns of thin ropes. 

As is often the case, the initial draw of shibari was restraint. At first, I was drawn to classical bondage—learning safe knots that wouldn’t budge and testing out the unmatched versatility of rope -  I tied my partner to anything I could get my hands on. Yet, as time passed, the tying process became a joy in and of itself. To move with intention, twisting limbs, dragging rope along skin and pulling, looping and tightening coils. The process of restraining becomes an act of devotion on its own, as freedom is surrendered to the growing array of rope constricting the body.

This ritual between myself and my partners became as versatile a shared experience as a kiss, serving to complement any act of intimacy, romantic or otherwise. Binding as foreplay can leave a partner hogtied, spread eagled, on their knees or contorted unpleasantly, allowing for a diverse range of experiences. This can be done as quickly as removing clothing, or drawn out for an hour, allowing time for hands to wander and loving words to be shared.

But beyond sex, the art of ropes stands perfectly well as a tool for artistic expression, or platonic intimacy. Often called decorative bondage, it is uncommon to attend a kink party without at least one person adorned at least partly in a decorative rope harness. These harnesses rarely impede the wearer, serving as a combination of customisable lingerie and convenient handles to grab. In many cases, these will even be worn over clothing, more akin to an item of jewelry as they are to the bondage from which they derive.

Finally, the act of tying can be a grounding ritual. A platonic tie shares many similarities with a massage, as ropes and hands stroke and press the skin, probing and releasing tension. A full harness can immobilise and compress the body like a weighted blanket, while yet another tie may stretch and soothe weary muscles. For this reason, many people practise self-tying, experiencing the meditative and grounding effects of shibari without a partner.

The art of shibari is in this way far more than just a sexual pursuit. It is an act of devotion - commitment to detail, to form, and the beauty of a connection. It reminds us that art need not always be about permanence, but instead in the beauty of shared moments - careful hands on skin, the loving tension of a well tied knot.