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Patrick Stables

Patrick Stables

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Satire News

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Join date: Feb 19, 2026

Posts (6)

Jul 26, 20265 min
Satire: Health Minister Announces New Plan to Grow Private Health Sector
The Public-Private Partnership That Requires Your Urinary Tract On Monday, Health Minister Simeon Brown unveiled what he called a “bold, innovative step” to grow New Zealand’s private health sector, announcing a new initiative to “legalise ketamine to all under 35s” and “give it out to anyone under 30 for free.” Officials stressed the policy is not a drug giveaway. It is, they said, “a targeted economic intervention,” designed to “unlock capacity” and “reduce pressure” on the public health...

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Jul 19, 20262 min
Satire: TOP Confident 2026 Will Finally Be the Year Voters Mistakenly Tick the Right Box
Ryan Reinolds As New Zealand hurtles towards the 2026 General Election, every political party is scrambling for voters' attention. The Opportunities Party (TOP) is no exception, having unveiled its latest election blueprint under the reassuring title: “No Guys, Trust Us, This Time." For most political parties, three consecutive election defeats would surely prompt a period of reflection. For TOP, however, it has prompted a rebrand of the exact same PowerPoint presentation. Since its...

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May 24, 20262 min
Te Pāti Māori Party fractures as new Te Tai Tokerau Party is announced, multiple parties follow suit
Just last week, Te Tai Tokerau MP Mariameno Kapa-Kingi announced her split from Te Pāti Māori and subsequently the creation of a new political party, named after her electorate. Speaking to RNZ she said, “This is about restoring balance, strong local representation, and sending a clear signal that Tai Tokerau political power will no longer be taken for granted.” She said she hoped other candidates would do the same to “promote truly local decision-making and restore power to the people.” The...

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