Salient

Worst Names for a Strip Club

By Salient | 17 Jul, 2006

1. Hitler Loves Poles
2. Stumpy’
3. Clothes’R’Us
4. Smelly’s
5. Up Yours

Secrets revealed in the Gospel of Judas

1. Jesus had a third nipple
2. Don’t believe the Da Vinci Code
3. Thirty pieces of silver went quite a way in Judea back in 33
4. Matthew was a narc
5. The Virgin Mary was a m.i.l.f.

Part-time jobs for rap stars

1. Dentists
2. Collecting scrap metal
3. Role-model
4. Speech therapist
5. Undercover in the Mafia

Things not to do on a rugby field

1. Pash
2. Play hide and seek
3. Take a dive and roll around four times
4. Reveal your membership in the National Front
5. Streak with clothes on

Things that confuse us about soup

1. Is it a food or a drink?
2. Can it be converted back into a solid vegetable?
3. Isn’t gazpacho soup just bean pudding?
4. Why is chicken soup yellow?
5. Could diarrhoea technically be considered soup?

Bad things to find in a locker room

1. Broomsticks
2. A glory hole
3. Pack of wild dogs
4. Soap with ground magnets
5. Pictures of porn in the shower

New mascots for the Hurricanes

1. Alvin the Asthma Inhaler
2. Saladin the Crusader Conqueror
3. Captain Cake Icing
4. Herbie the Happy Homo
5. Jerry the Pisser

Things you don’t want to see in the mirror

1. A moustache
2. The faint outline of a team of psychologists/prosecutors
3. No reflection at all
4. Old age
5. A pair of feet sticking out from under the bed

Ways in which your parents fucked you up

1. By videotaping the time they first caught you masturbating
2. By deep-frying all your salads
3. By leaving you behind
4. By telling you they regret the adoption every time you forget to do the dishes
5. By getting you to chronicle their attempt of having another child

Insights about Zinedine Zidane’s headbutt

1. It probably wasn’t the best time to react after 34 years of racial abuse
2. It was a fucking good headbutt
3. Those I-ties are a bunch of greasy pizza eating fascists
4. Violence doesn’t belong in a sport played by pansies
5. How cool a name is “Zinedine Zidane”?