Salient

Things That Happened To Everyone’s Spirograph Sets

By Salient | 14 Aug, 2006

1. It was enjoyed.
2. A couple of the plastic circles were broken by a sibling.
3. One was lost.
4. The coloured pens ran out of ink.
5. They were thrown out.

Things we are wondering about Sylvester Stallone

1. Is that lip-droop genetic?
2. Who’s taller, him or Tom Cruise?
3. Will he fill the void left by Mel Gibson?
4. Have Rambo’s politics changed with the situation in Afghanistan?
5. Does he have a small dick?

Possible haircuts for Don Brash to get hip with the youth

1. A unicorn spike.
2. Dreaded mullet.
3. Dyeing his wisps pink.
4. Corn rows.
5. Donald Trump.

Insights about all those people wearing tight black pants

1. They give girls with no arse an arse.
2. They give girls with an arse a muffin.
3. There’s no room for an erection.
4. They’re expressing their individuality.
5. Fat people wish they could wear them.

New Nobility Titles

1. ‘Hill King’
2. ‘America’s Next Top Model’
3. ‘CEO’
4. ‘Lord Cuntingham’
5. ‘Head Muthafucka in Charge’

Costumes for strippers that never caught on

1. Janitress
2. Undertaker
3. Mother
4. Elephant Man
5. Rape victim

Scams to pull on the handicapped

1. Retard-no-more medicated spray
2. Braille-Sign Language translation dictionary
3. Miracle cure
4. Paralympics
5. Guide-pit-bulls

Signs that the end is nigh

1. Legalised gay marriage.
2. War in the Holy Land.
3. We’ve reached our act three climax.
4. Old Richard in Island Bay is secretly building an ark.
5. Wait, I thought we were in the Matrix already.

Advantages to working in an abattoir

1. Free entrails.
2. The sheer joy of shooting a cow in the face.
3. Quick and easy blood transplant.
4. You can fart and no-one will notice.
5. You get a free pair of gloves.

Locations of misplaced nuclear warheads

1. En route to Washington, D.C.
2. 313 The Terrace, Apt. 12.
3. Around Tikrit, and the area north, south, east and west of there.
4. Nagasaki, Hiroshima.
5. Israel.