Salient

Submitted by Readers…and Others

By Salient | 7 Apr, 2008

Take a look!

Geoff:

Top 5 things to blame on global warming:
1. Your smelly pits
2. Your unsightly dandruff
3. This awful heat
4. This fucking cold
5. This pleasant, balmy weather

Top 5 words with a certain je ne sais quios:
1. Pelican
2. Bicep
3. Parsimonious
4. Macadamia
5. Forfex

Tanooki:

These are from an email I got but oh well:

Top 5 things that are diffi cult to say when drunk:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Anaesthetist
4. Cinnamon
5. Chrysanthemum

Top 5 things that are very diffi cult to say when drunk:
1. Specifi city
2. Rhipidistian-amphibian transition
3. Anti-constitutionalistically
4. Transubstantiate
5. Sphygmomanometer

Top 5 things that are impossible to say when drunk:
1. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to hurl in the street.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. I’m not interested in fi ghting you.
4. Oh, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
5. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.

Renee:

Evidence all women’s should blame their problems on men:
1. MEN-ingitis
2. MEN-struation
3. MEN-tal illness
4. MEN-opause
5. Menswear

Not submitted by readers

Top 5 things said in the Salient office this week:
1. “Look at me, I’m shattering norms! Wank wank wank, I’m so special.”
2. “Fair Trade chocolate. Om nom nom… deliciously ethical.”
3. “You’re taking the fun out of it. Like the Nazis took the fun out of killing.”
4. “It’s actually pretty easy to hypnotise people. I did it by accident once.”
5. “Alt TV are only seeking women for their Naked News. Me and Tania are both incensed by this. Her because it objectifies women; me because it doesn’t objectify me.”

And now, because we’ve had two weeks to work on this, an Extra One:

6. “It’s not harassment if it’s funny.”