Salient

Reasons why Iran should have nuclear weapons

By Salient | 24 Sep, 2007

1. The rest of New York is still standing
2. Why should the U.S, France, and Britain be the only people irradiating the planet with tests?
3. It’s a chance for the X-Men movie to shoot in Middle East locations
4. They’re going to need some big fireworks to overshadow Iraq’s celebrations
5. ‘Cause the Bible says so

Most shocking turnarounds in Iraq

1. Someone actually finds a Weapon of Mass Destruction
2. It becomes the first nation on Earth to achieve democracy
3. Hillary Timmins becomes President
4. They change their national anthem to ‘Iraq Around the Clock’ or Jimi Hendrix’s version of ‘The Star Spangled Banner’
5. Saddam Hussein comes back from the dead to start a cash prize based prime time game show called, ‘Winner Takes Oil’

Reasons why New Zealanders are insecure

1. Australia is their nearest neighbour
2. They don’t know if their P.M is a man or woman
3. Baaaa
4. Because they are actually crap at everything
5. “Who said I’m insecure? I’m gonna smash ya face in!”

Warning signs that you should get a life

1. You think the phrase “Creative Capital” actually means something
2. You wake up in the morning and you can remember the night before
3. You think Lindsay Perigo is a “bloody good read”
4. You join a political party that names itself after a bad 80’s TV show
5. You spend your time coming up with Top 5’s

Ways to confuse a Salient reader

1. See number 3
2. See number 5
3. See number 4
4. See number 2
5. See number 1

Reasons why the Salient editor is in deep shit

1. The Drugs article (pg16)
2. The dodgy, quasi-porno centerfold this week
3. Lindsay P. is inexplicably still here
4. Nobody likes a smart ass
5. In three weeks he’s probably going to have to visit WINZ

Things you can do with $25

1. Go see the Bratz movie twice
2. Buy 12.5 pairs of angel wings from the $2 Shop
3. Pay your grandmother back
4. Buy a new friend
5. Donate it to a club