Salient

Names for Keisha Castle-Hughes’ Baby

By Salient | 16 Oct, 2006

1. Jango Fett
2. Shamu
3. Cletus
4. Aborto
5. Stereotype

Things To Do When Your Girlfriend is Throwing Up

1. Get her to do a yardie
2. Get off on it
3. Take pictures
4. Throw rocks at her
5. Scoop it up for posterity

New Songs for Emo Bands

1. ‘I’m Not Okay (I Cut Myself)’
2. ‘I Want to Be on Prozac But I’m Not Actually Depressed’
3 ’Eyeliner Costs Too Much’
4. ‘Only My Art Teacher Understands Me (Except I Think He Molested Me Once)’
5. ‘Black’s Not Practical In The Summer’

Kiwi Companies Soon to Go International

1. The Adult Shoppe
2. Satay Kingdom
3. Georgie Pie
4. Rosita Vai
5. The Progressive Coalition

Things That Won’t Seem Important in Ten Years Time

1. Having your virginity
2. Tax cuts
3. That one B you got
4. That bald spot
5. Your lack of friends

Reasons We’re Glad This Year’s Almost Over

1. 2006 adds up to 8, and 8 is our unlucky number
2. Student media is for chumps
3. We’re sick of you
4. We need newer, fresher, hotter first years
5. Nick Kelly

Things To Do Over the Summer

1. Go fuck yourself
2. …meh
3. Your flatmate
4. All those classes you failed
5. Go fuck yourself

Things You Can’t Drink

1. Whiteboard cleaner
2. Sand
3. The Taliban
4. Instant coffee
5. Menstrual blood

New Names For Mello-Yello

1. Not quite urine
2. Angry-Yello
3. Mountain Dew
4. 80s ref. 2349
5. Flavourless Yellow Drink

Things That Don’t Need Advertising

1. Vibrators
2. Elderly incontinence pads
3. Thrush medication
4. Erectile dysfunction medicine
5. Fuck off okay? I’m sick of writing this shit.