Salient

Band Names That Never Caught On

By Salient | 18 Sep, 2006

1. The David Bain Experience
2. Sodomist’s Playmates
3. Osama Bin-Laden and the 9/11s
4. The Fellatin’ Grannies
5. Rutabaga and the Lima Beans

Places where the Yellow Brick Road should have led to

1. Elton John’s palace
2 The Magenta Turnpike
3. To a barbiturates dealer
4. The farm that Toto was “sent” to
5. To the friends of Dorothy

Best views in the world

1. The top of a woman’s head
2. An A+ (not in your own handwriting)
3. An envelope with “cheque enclosed” stamped on the front
4. Law students without gas heating
5. A line of ducklings behind their mother…..seriously

Things we should see more in movies nowadays

1. Julie Andrews
2. Death by stingrays
3. A satisfying plot with well-developed, believable characters
4. Dogs humorously entitled with racial epithets
5. Shatner

Things that could possibly be worn as a hat

1. Dandruff
2. Paper bag
3. Your girlfriend
4. A shark fin, which you can use in the ocean
5. A gay-dar

Reasons to develop a serious drug addiction

1. A casual drug addiction doesn’t have the same giddy highs to cancel out the crushing lows
2. Life’s not challenging enough
3. Future autobiography possibilities
4. Attention
5. Getting raped by your uncle when you’re six

Reasons for divorce

1. You’re about to become really rich
2. Family values too difficult to actually follow
3. It was written in the stars
4. Wife’s gang-bang hobby
5. Concubines aren’t allowed in this pesky pc-world

Things you really just can’t apologise for

1. Doing nothing
2. Farting
3. Being caught masturbating
4. When the Chinese are angry at you
5. When you hurt someone weaker than you

George Bush dream themes

1. Stem cells chasing him through field of roses
2. Barbara Bush
3. The Rapture
4. Guest spot on Queer Eye
5. Being held accountable