Salient

Salient hoodwinked!

By Seonah Choi | 19 May, 2008

A Red Bull refrigerator containing 24 Red Bull energy drinks destined for the Salient offices was delivered emptied of its contents last week, leaving staff “tired, wingless and mad as hell.”

According to sources, the refrigerator was delivered on Friday to the VUWSA offices, located two floors beneath Salient. The refrigerator was a gift for Salient staff from the Red Bull company, which is currently considering advertising with the magazine.

However, instead of being relocated to the correct offices immediately, the refrigerator remained at the VUWSA offices over the weekend, before being delivered emptied of $72 worth of contents by “highly energetic and sheepish-looking” VUWSA Exec members.

According to VUWSA Administration Vice- President Alexander Neilson, 21 cans remained on Friday, but claimed no knowledge of the culprits behind the theft.

There has been speculation over the culprits. Among the suspects is VUWSA President Joel Cosgrove. One Salient staff member suggested he had distributed the energy drinks to the proletariat of his Workers’ Party.

“We expect this kind of behaviour from Robert Mugabe,” political writer Conrad Reyners said before referring to Cosgrove as a “mangy Marxist.”

Politics editor Jackson Wood expressed a desire to declare war, while films editor Haimona Gray lamented the loss of the “creative high” that the energy drinks would have provided.

“We need that to help us to focus at three in the morning while they leave at six p.m.,” he said.

Salient is currently considering appropriate methods of retribution. One suggestion is throwing Exec members out of a window one by one, and “seeing who flies.”