Salient

Long Distance Relationships

By Gabrielle Stewart | 16 Jul, 2007

Those whom have never been in the position to contemplate a long distance relationship are truly blown away by the concept. And understandably so. The idea of the LDR is based on limited sex, expensive phone calls and travel, constant interrogation from your friends, and at the end of the day going home to an empty bed. However, many of us know someone involved in a LDR, especially as people move away for uni.

Being in a LDR tends to make you a social target. At parties you find yourself having to defend your decision to stay with a person whom your friends have not met. Interestingly, not many people accept the idea that your relationship is solid and trusting, and that’s why you’re giving it a go.

Another interesting phenomena on the LDR is advice. Everyone thinks they know what’s best for you: dump your boy/girl. A friend of mine in a LDR, we’ll call him Brian, was told by all his friends that it was a really dumb idea to stay with his girlfriend. Brian was alienated for his decision, and had no one to talk to if ever he needed support. Bottom line here: support your friends, whatever their decision.

Something else to be pointed out is that it is important not to let your LDR define you. Many people wear their relationship on their sleeve (long distance or not). However, you have made the decision to start a new chapter of your life for study, so embrace your new environment.

Remember to communicate with your partner about your experiences, but go out and make friends, and most importantly have fun! The LDR demands some level of commitment many uni students are not at a level to offer, however cheating is just plain wrong and unfair.

If your girlfriend/boyfriend is worth the sacrifice (and even if they’re not) they deserve your respect. I know that guy from your hall/work/ etc is flirtatious, attractive and you deserve some fun, but that is not the way you would want it from the other side. If your relationship is faltering, no one can judge you, but end it properly before starting something new.

Women, as many have said before me, can multitask. In my mind, this makes us able to conduct all our daily routine at full capacity and obsess about our relationship more. (maybe just the paranoid ones of us). The main thing is to trust your instincts. Every relationship in the end comes down to the two (or more) people in it. Whether you’re comfortable staying with a person while they move to Guatemala or can’t handle the separation when they move to Masterton, that’s up to you. Keep communication open; try to contact each other every day, even just to say hi (texts, emails and off peak phone calls keep the costs down). Use your ‘I’ statements to express your emotions, they work way better than passive aggressiveness.

On a completely serparate note: If you are interested in keeping up with Women’s Group discussions, log on to the MyVictoria portal and sign up, or give me an email at wro@vuwsa.org.nz. We welcome contributions and new discussion.

This Friday and Saturday (July 20-21) the Wellington Women’s Refuge is holding their annual street collection. They require a lot of community support to continue operating, so if anyone could donate some time to collect on these days would be greatly appreciated. All posts are close to uni and as little as an hour of your time makes a difference. E-mail me for more info.

Have a great week.