Salient

President’s Column

By Jackson and Conrad | 17 Mar, 2008

JW: So… President’s column aye… woah…

CR: What power. I feel like a rampaging bearded Marxist.

JW: As a person with a beard, I feel slightly offended by that… I mean really, Joel isn’t t` bad is he?

CR: I can actually grow a pretty fearsome ginger beard. The problem is it scares away little children. All beards do this. Perhaps this is why there is no one in the Workers Party under the age of 55.

JW: I feel your pain brother. I as a hairy male with much too much testosterone have sprouted an enormous amount of chest and stomach hair. Summers are hard for me. I can’t go to the beach without hearing “MUMMY! MUMMY! THERE’S A POLAR BEAR ON THE BEACH!” I think you are mistaken about the Workers Party though, Nick Kelly is in it, and he’s about 12 isn’t he?

CR: I don’t think they let 12 year olds drive busses Jackson. But hey, anything is possible in a socialist utopia man. This convo is getting a little too beardorotic. And we are ragging on those crazy Marxists too much. Let us talk about what we would do if we were VUWSA president!

JW: Firstly I would make all drinking fountains spurt forth bourbon and coke. Also I would make clothes optional during lectures, make employment related issues in VUWSA come under my sole domain, and make the entire exec meeting ‘in committee’ so those dastardly Salienteers can’t report on our doings.

CR: I hope that doesn’t include Comp Sci labs Jackson… what would I do if I was president? Well firstly I would remove all previous political affiliations I have… ZING!

JW: VVVVVVT

CR: Secondly I would include secret hidden bank accounts in the budget. It would also be cool to have an employed VUWSA jester for exec meetings.

JW: We already have one of those don’t we? He has a beard…

CR: (Interjecting) Oh you’re soooooo bad…

JW: Oh no, wait, steering away from beards. So that local sports team huh?

BD: Aren’t they doing well in their league this year?

JW: Who the fuck is BD? Is that like TB, or even worse: VD?

CR: How do I even follow that sentence Jackson? You are drunk.

JW: I don’t think many people are going to find this funny, unless they are also drunk.

CR: Probably not, but it does present a very good message.

Interjections:

MP: I don’t know how to use the gimp.

TE: Meow.

The moral of the story is… Get your fucking column in on time, ESPECIALLY if you are going to Australia.

COMPETITION!

Design a new hat for Joel! It has come to Salient’s attention that Joel has lost his seaman’s cap and now his unwieldy hair will terrorise capitalist pig dogs. Simply design a new piece of headwear on the picture, bring it into the Salient office. Prizes will be awarded for the best hat and winners will be announced in next week’s edition.