How Not To…
By Marty Mc.B | 9 Oct, 2006
Deciding what to write for my final ever Salient column was tricky. At first I had it in mind to write a sort of retrospective a Marty McB. this is a columnist’s life, sort of deal. But, this has been overdone, every writer, singer, artist, pedicurist, taxidermist, and Islamic militant wants their movie montage, a carefully selected collection of images that make them look as good as possible and hopefully bring a tear to the eye of all reading. More
By Marty Mc.B | 2 Oct, 2006
Earlier in the year I was accused of unduly taking the piss out of NZ’s country folk – so,in order to even the piss-take, it’s time for us Wellingtonians to take a lashing. I’ve lived in 11 cities in my short life (including Auckland, heckle me now), and I have to be honest with y’all, in no other city have the people been so fervently, and to be honest, boringly, into their own city as we are here in ‘Wellywood’ (just vommed in my mouth a little). More
By Marty Mc.B | 25 Sep, 2006
Of all the things going on in my life, going out for a good brunch is definitely top five. Sitting there, generally hungover, eating till you feel at least partly sick and talking nothing but smack with your friends. Unbeatable. Even something as heavenly as brunch however can go horribly wrong, mainly due to the combination of extraordinarily rich food, hungover people and public spaces. More
By Marty Mc.B | 18 Sep, 2006
Now, as a self-confessed lover of all things West Coast Gangster Rap, R.I.P Tupac and Eazy E, I’m hardly an expert on rock. I own a few rock albums, a pair of skinny black taper jeans that my muffins hang out of, and once had a crush on Dave Grohl – but that’s about it. However, even I, a relative rock virgin, can notice a disturbing bastardization of the genre going on at the moment. More
By Marty Mc.B | 11 Sep, 2006
As I sat down to write this column a few hours after deadline I thought that maybe I could tackle a more serious topic this time – politics, economics, P and samurai swords, Kate Hawkesby’s hair (or is it a wig?), but then it came to me… sex. That’ll get my readership up – we’ll put a raunchy pic in, I’ll muse on boning for 1000 or so words, and I’ll be the most popular columnist in the whole wide Salient world … move over Bran Power – Marty Mc B’s in town and she’s getting real gratuitous. More
By Marty Mc.B | 4 Sep, 2006
So far, many of my columns have revolved around the great Kiwi subject of binge drinking. So I’ve decided it’s time to stop skirting about, and just address the issue head on, much like Simon Dallow in his new hard hitting advertisements. Love your work Si More
By Marty Mc.B | 14 Aug, 2006
It can be hard growing up in New Zealand. One can feel rather harpooned and out of touch from the rest of society in our small island nation. Due to this, many New Zealanders are brimming to the top with wanderlust. More
By Marty Mc.B | 7 Aug, 2006
Ever since I made my friend Lindsay cry by breaking her Fisher-Price microwave (I put it in a real microwave because my playdough inside it refused to cook), I knew that my future of domestication would be riddled with disaster. More
By Marty Mc.B | 31 Jul, 2006
Now, I will have read about a thousand issues of Cosmopolitan in my short existence, and I’m still in debate with myself about whether or not they have done me a great deal of good, or nothing but a disservice. More
By Marty Mc.B | 17 Jul, 2006
Now in no way do I want to endorse promiscuity in my readers – as all of you who know me will know, I am an absolute “portrait” of the moral high-ground and chastity. More
