Salient

Whipish

By Yvette McCullough | 19 May, 2008

It’s that time of year again folks – relationship season. Relationship cycles happen in clusters, for example everyone breaks up in summer. Those cold winter nights make you miss companionship and want someone to warm up the bed and cure your boredom. But you don’t want to get whipped! That is something you both make very clear right at the beginning and a vow you make to your friends. A bit of an empty promise as you retreat to your room for warm quality time.

Those left behind to suffer the winter months alone become very, very bitter. But regrettably single – you’re looking at this the wrong way. Your friend being whipped has many positives for you. You will never run out of material to mock your friend about – and they can’t really retort with “you’re just jealous ‘cause you’re alone,” as that would just be far too mean. You don’t have to stress out about including them in plans because they’re all booked. You will also be faced with less competition in town and one of the side affects of a whipped relationship is ‘letting yourself go’. Yeah your friend has a caring boyfriend but she’s fat now, so you can rest easy.

And you that are regrettably whipped or trying to fight it – embrace it. What is better than not feeling the need to make an effort with friends? And you can finally let the ex go as you won’t be allowed to see them. Your future is now set so that’s one less thing to worry about. All you need to think about is your significant other and things like trying to make up a super cute nickname for them, like “tom-alicious”.

Being whipped means you don’t have to think for yourself. Two heads are better than one and stealing all of the opinions of your lover or not being able to make decisions without consulting them is very handy. And there are great benefits, like joint bank accounts, dual control electric blankets, relief for your liver, and finding out who your true friends are when you break up again in summer.