Salient

Cooking With Aunt Daisy

By Aunt Daisy | 14 May, 2007

Good moaning, everybody!

At a cold time of year like this, there’s nothing better to warm you up than a nice batch of pancakes in the morning.

This egg-free recipe is great for when you’re running low on goodies.

Now, darlings, pancakes are easy to make and should take about 15 minutes. The first step is mixing 1 cup of flour, 1 tablespoon of brown sugar, 1 teaspoon baking powder, 1⁄4 teaspoon of salt, and a dash of cinnamon together in a big bowl.

In a smaller bowl, combine 2/3 of a cup of milk, 1⁄2 a mashed over-ripe banana and 1 teaspoon of vanilla essence.

Add the wet to the dry ingredients and stir well. Now cook on medium-high heat in a fry pan, until the pancakes are browned on both sides. This recipe makes about eight small pancakes, which is adequate for you and a special someone to share when cosied up in bed.

After you’ve had cosy pancakes in bed, you may decide you don’t want to face the cold harsh morning just yet. So instead of doing something mundane like sleeping, why don’t you try one of my favourite moaning activities: fisting?

Fisting is a little more challenging than making pancakes, and takes slightly longer. Pancakes made in a rush can, at the very worst, leave you hungry and slightly cranky. Fisting done badly can lead to a whole bunch of painful things, like ruptured bowls, urinary tract infections, and even sterility! Don’t let this put you off, though - plenty of people partake in and enjoy fisting without any of these little upsets. So, let’s get started.

It is important to talk thoroughly before fisting. Knowing your partner’s boundaries, safe words and preferences is vital. Also, trimming and cleaning your nails, making sure you’ve got a latex glove, and getting more water-based lubricant than you think you could need in your whole life. Enough lubricant to fill a bath and drown small animals in. Also, if you’re going to try anal fisting, it may be worth giving your partner an enema to avoid any mess.

Next, ensure that your partner is relaxed and aroused. No matter how much lube you have, if a person’s not in an erotic frame of mind, they’re not going to enjoy having your whole hand in one of their orifices. Once you’re both feeling in the mood, working your way in slowly is essential. Starting with one or two fingers and working your way up to three or four is recommended. Clitoral stimulation, if applicable in your situation, may also be a good idea.

When you and your partner are both ready for full-on penetration, make sure your hand is as small as possible, with the thumb tucked in and knuckles (if fisting vaginally) facing the bottom of the vagina. The knuckles will be the hardest part to fit in, so it’s important to take it slow, and keep communicating to ensure your partner’s happy with the situation. Then slowly rotate while pushing gently.

It’s important not to just dive on in there, since the body of your partner might not like a whole hand deep inside it. If this becomes apparent (via a gasp of pain, or tight clenching), wait until their body has relaxed and then slowly pull out.

Fisting can be an amazing experience, and feeling someone’s cunt orgasm with your whole hand is pretty intense for the fister. In regards to anal fisting, the pressure on a male’s prostate can also induce some amazing erotic feelings. Good times all around for everyone, really. Just remember, being fisted can cause some pretty vulnerable feelings for some people.

Well, now. Once that part is over, you must make sure you clean up your pancake mess. Fortunately you should still have some lube left over, which can double as a handy dish-washing serum. Make sure you scrub the frying pan hard, as all sorts of nasty germs can form in pancake batter if left unattended. Grip the scrubbing brush between your post-fisting fingers and harshly twist your wrist as you get all the grit and grime off of your pan. Remember: a clean home is a happy home.

Next week: scone heaven!