There will be over 150 different beers on offer from at least 45 breweries, and not just limited to New Zealand’s own.

But with each session lasting only 4 hours, it’s probably best to approach Beervana with a strategy in mind.

Dave’s strategy: Beervana is the best opportunity of the year to try many brews which are otherwise unavailable in Wellington. As soon as I enter the venue, I scout out every stand and check out which beers are on offer. From there, I head to the more limited releases first—in case they run out. Following that, I like to visit the stands from micro breweries which are rarely seen in Wellington (Brew Moon, Arrow Brewing Co, Twisted Hop), and sample as many different styles as possible. To finish off the session, I seek out the bigger, hoppier brews. Imperial IPA’s with tongue-numbing bitterness are my favourite way to end an afternoon or evening of intense beer-ing.

Denise’s strategy: It’s always better to start with the lighter brews on offer—there’s no point in confusing your palate by downing some delicious, but heavy and sticky, imperial stouts and barley wines. Save those ones until last. To maximise your Beervana experience, order half tastings—it’ll mean you get to sample twice as many beers in the same time.

Water is your friend at this event. Kindly ask the stallholders to rinse your glass with water before each new beer, or fill your sample glass from a water stand and down it to refresh your palate (and help stave off a headache the next day).

Don’t be afraid to ask the brewers questions. They’re usually all too willing to brag about their beers, and you can never know too much about what you’re drinking.

Not to be missed:
- 8wired’s smoked kumara porter—only 50 litres made.
- Yeastie Boys’ stall—handpulled Punkadiddle, ‘nuff said.
- Emerson’s stall—last year’s champion brewery, and always has something special on offer.
- The education seminars—ranging from Beer and Cheese to Beer and Women.
- Hashigo Zake’s stall—a handsome column writer will be manning the stall during selected sessions.

The most important thing to remember is that Beervana runs on a cash-only basis, so hit up an ATM before you get in the door. No money, no beer!

Tickets are $30 from Ticketek including a glass and a free sample. Sessions run 12-4pm and 5-9pm this Friday and Saturday at the Wellington Town Hall.

See you there.

For a guide to Beervana that didn’t have to stick to a word limit check out this.

If you have any questions or comments about this week’s beers, you can email us at davethebeerguy@gmail.com or denisethebeergirl@gmail.com

I can’t believe it’s nearly the end of August. 2010 has flown by in a blink. I’m fairly sure it wasn’t all that long ago that it was February and my trusty designer sidekick Juliette and I were freaking out about how we had to make a 56-page magazine every week. We’re 19 issues in. Only six to go. Holy shit. Needless to say we’re kind of putting off thinking about post-Salient unemployment, but that’s a story for another day.

There are a few things that you can expect when you end up editing a student mag like this: sleep deprivation, bad skin, an unhealthy addiction to caffeine, a diet of takeaways and junk food, and spending the majority of your time in an office in front of a computer. Two things should be mentioned here: surprisingly I haven’t put on weight, and I haven’t taken up smoking. Dad will be pleased.

Despite the stress, the sleepless nights, the multiple cups of coffee a day and writing features/editorials/news stories at 2am on a Friday morning, this job is actually pretty darn fun. I get to hang out with my bff for, like, 80 hours a week. I can wear trackpants to work if I want. I get to make masks of Max Hardy. I get to laugh about buying Brad Pitt’s garlic naan on TradeMe. I get to legitimately be on my Gmail for hours on end talking to “important people” about “important matters”. If you were curious, this week’s topic of Gmail discussion has been my failure to win a free Bounty bar, despite the fact I’ve consumed at least six of them in the last two days. Thrilling stuff. Oh, to edit a student magazine. We really don’t get out much.

On a more serious note, we’ve got a more important job to do. We’re here to entertain. We’re here to inform. We’re here to keep an eye on VUWSA. We’re here to keep an eye on the university. We’re here to tell you
about what you should care about. We’re here to make your time at university a more pleasurable experience. Or something. We eat, breathe and dream Salient for you guys: the students who pick up the magazine week in, week out. Salient’s army of contributors have been doing this job for 72 years now. And for the majority of those 72 years, we’ve been doing it pretty darn well.

After the break we begin the search for an Editor for 2011. It’s the best job in the world and it’s also—at times—the worst. But that just comes with the territory. If you’re going to apply, be prepared to devote your heart and soul to this magazine for an entire year. I’m not kidding when I say I don’t get out much. But
if you think you’ve got what it takes, apply. It’s your chance to stamp your mark on a longstanding part of student life at Vic. Watch out for more details in Issue 19.

Last, but not least, special mention must go to Mikey Langdon, our Chief Sub-Editor and Online Editor. It was his last day at Salient last Thursday—he’s fleeing to Germany for a while to teach high school-age brats English. Mikey has been lurking around Salient for a couple of years now, checking our grammar and correcting our spelling. He’s spent hours and hours in the office and has gone above and beyond the call of duty in his work for Salient. I know I can speak for Jackson as well on this, Mikey has been an integral part in making Salient what it is over the past two years. He’s put up with some awful music choices (Eve, B*Witched, Ricky Martin, Ju’s awful singing—to name a few), constant mocking and late-night delirium. And for some reason he keeps coming back—probably because we pay him this year. Mikey, you’ve been awesome to work with and we’re going to miss you heaps. Keep mini fluoro cock bear safe on your travels. Our spelling and grammar is probably going to be heaps worse.
Sorry everyone.

The next few weeks are going to be an interesting time for the University and for students. The first half of the semester has started to wind down, essays are begging to be completed and mid-term tests are looming. In addition to this, the University is gearing up to make some significant decisions that will affect you and your studies.

One of the most important of these decisions is the setting of our fees and the decision about whether or not
fees will be raised for 2011. It’s important that students are listened to on this issue and I think it is important that the University fronts up to students. After all, we all want a quality education backed by sufficient resources, but we do not want to be treated like cash cows that don’t have a choice about whether to pay or not.

I have asked the Vice-Chancellor and the Chancellor to attend a student forum on Monday the 6th September so that students have a chance to communicate to senior management and governance what they think are the most important issues that the University should consider when setting your fees for the coming year (and they will can share their thinking). This will also be a chance for you to comment and question the University about the strategic direction it is currently taking. You will have the opportunity to ask the leaders of the University any questions that you might have. But please, no egg throwing.

When it comes to setting our fees it is important that the University fronts up to students about any fee increases. It’s also incredibly important that the university presents a solid, reasonable case for why fees need to be increased, if that is what they are recommending. VUWSA will be trying to ensure that the university is accountable to students and can justify any proposals that affect us.

We have held a “Fees Forums” in the past. This is because fees are important, student debt is increasingly
continually, and we generally do not want to leave University with a massive financial ball and chain. This year however I asked for the Forum to be about more than just fees because I felt that students should have the opportunity to engage with the University’s management and governance on the direction of the
University generally.

Whenever the University makes strategic decisions that affect students, usually students either aren’t aware
of what these strategic directions are, or don’t have a direct opportunity to respond to them (except through
their representatives from VUWSA). These decisions can include anything from deciding to increase the number of post-graduate research students (at the expense of undergraduate places), deciding to invest in a multimillion dollar Campus Hub project, or a decision to set up (or close down) a new School or degree programme.

VUWSA is committed to ensuring that students are informed about these key decisions and have a chance
to have a say where appropriate. However, sometimes it is best to here it from the leader of the University
themselves, and that is why VUWSA has organised this forum.

Thinking in the long run is important. The university’s strategic direction is going to determine what kind of university Victoria is going to be. These are fundamental questions that students should be actively engaged in. Do we want this University to be focussing heavily on science, technology and the physical arts? Or
should we take advantage of the unique position of this place within our capital city, and instead focus more on humanities, politics, governance and law?

At the end of the day, these are questions that students should be engaged with.

The Forum will be held on the 6th September (first day after the mid-trimester break), from 2pm – 3pm in the
Memorial Theatre, Student Union Building.

Three things happening this week:

1. We will be finalising the terms of reference for a comprehensive review of VUWSA’s representative structures and how to improve them dramatically.
2. We will be developing a survey of students, which will be used to ensure that VUWSA is responsive to students and what they want.
3. We will be developing our response to the University’s proposal to reduce the size of the third trimester (see the News section of Salient). We want to ensure that students are able to retain the flexibility that the third trimester offers in finishing their degrees and choosing interesting courses. Please get in contact if you are concerned about this.

Cheers,
Max
president@vuwsa.org.nz

Hello VUW Students and Staff, I’m Richard Carr, the recently elected Administration Vice-President. I realise that usually these columns say what the Exec member has been doing and what will happen in the near future, however I have been in office for 3 days so not much to report on. Instead i thought that I would let people know who I am and what I aim to do. Currently I’m a second year studying a BCA in Economics and a BSc in Operations Research.

When I was elected I was asked by Max Hardy what I would like to do in my position. I gave him some answers but I have been thinking on this over the last few days and I have come to a conclusion of 7 main goals which I will strive to achieve:

Internal EfficiencyKeeping accurate income statements and carefully monitoring the budget to ensure that money is being spent the way that we have promised the students.

Financial Advice
Becoming fully integrated with the accounts of your Students Association to be able to quickly assess and supply useful advice any on approaching decisions.

Reassess Current Spending
I will be reviewing expenditure so that I can ensure that the students are not paying for things that do not provide substantial benefits.

Cost Effective Services
Looking at the services that are being funded for by students and ensuring that they are providing maximum benefit for minimum cost.

Communication
By having an active website, obvious office hours, response to emails and being present at Student meetings so that I can clearly communicate what is happening within the organisation to the students.

Accountability and Management
Combining all the above ideas to create a VUWSA which you can be proud to say that you are a member of, having transparent practises and continue the strong management guiding VUWSA.

Non member revenue
Finding money to provide Students with benefits without having them cost anything.

With these clear goals I hope that I can achieve all that I have set out to do.

If you have any problems, any ideas of what you think should be done, or even just want to chat, feel free to get in touch with me, I look forward to meeting you.

My Office Hours are:
11-2 Tuesday
11-2 Wednesday
12-2 Thursday
11-2 Friday

My Email is:
avp@vuwsa.org.nz

R.C.

This week VUWSA will be holding its first Noodle Day, as part of the perpetual campaign against the inadequate living support available to students in New Zealand. Free instant noodles will be available from the VUWSA marquee in the Kelburn campus quad from 11:30 on Wednesday. The idea behind Noodle Day is that it highlights the fact that the ‘instant noodle lifestyle’ is a reality for many students in New Zealand, particularly in Wellington. Extra tight budgets leave students forced to sacrifice nutritional value and variety in their eating habits, to the detriment of both short and long term health. The VUWSA Foodbank and Student Hardship Fund provides support for students in the most desperate situations. There are people at this university who literally survive on $160 a week, borrowed from the government. Average rent in Wellington around $150 leaves little money for food, and no money when there are bills. So come along on Wednesday, get some free lunch, and remember that aside from everything else that is going on in the tertiary sector right now, we must not forget about the fight for adequate and universal living allowances.

On a much lighter note, VUWSA Welfare services, such as the Foodbank are to be extended to Te Aro campus from the first week back after mid-semester break. Foodbanks, tax refund help, and information about a range of other services such as professional advocacy will be available from a VUWSA representative every Wednesday. Te Aro students, look out for posters etc with more information
between now and then.

The VUWSA AGM is coming up quickly, so I want to issue a friendly reminder about Welfare Rep. Groups. If anybody is interested in setting up or revitalising an old Rep Group (Creche Parents? UStay residents – is your hall still completely shoddy?), now is the time to get in touch with Seamus Brady or myself so we can help you.

I will finish off by mentioning a couple of pretty big issues coming up that you should be aware of. First is the massive rise in bus fares being considered by the Wellington Regional Council – VUWSA will keep you up to date about what we are doing in response to this. And second, the government is proposing some pretty major shifts in the fundamental attitude towards employment law in New Zealand, worth is forming an opinion about.

The NPC is underway, and the opening rounds have again provided plenty of upsets. After two weeks, Counties Manukau— one of the wooden spoon favourites—top the table, as one of only three teams to have recorded two wins from two. Canterbury remains the favourite at the TAB, following a draw and a win leaving them in fourth place, while Waikato and Auckland (third and fifth respectively) are third-equal favourites.

The biggest disappointment so far has been local boys Wellington. They’re sitting in the bottom half following a narrow win over the other wooden spoon favourites Tasman, before being the victim of perhaps the biggest upset so far, with a loss to Tana Umaga’s Steelers in round two at the Cake Tin. However, at least the Lions have showed glimpses of class and fight—reason enough to remain second favourites.

Fellow Hurricane franchise sides Manawatu, Hawkes Bay and Taranaki have had vastly differing fortunes so far. The Turbos are not expected to do much more than cause a few upsets, and almost did so with a gut-wrenching 26–27 loss to Canterbury. On the other hand, the Magpies have been excellent in recent years, and hence will be disappointed with an 11–30 defeat at the hands of Bay of Plenty. This was following on from yet another strong showing against Canterbury (23-all in round one). Meanwhile, Taranaki has had a mixed start, backing up a narrow upset loss to in-form Northland with a solid win over Tasman, to currently fly the Hurricane flag in seventh place.

The surprise packages so far, other than the table-topping Steelers, have been Northland and Bay of Plenty. Despite only recording one win apiece, both have caused upsets, and been narrowly denied hard-fought victories in their other games. My favourite moment so far was Taniwha veteran David Holwell’s canny try against North Harbour—a classy left-foot step capped off by ducking under the last defender’s tackle. While it is far too early to make many predictions, there are certainly good early signs that this season could be tight and exciting. I still have faith in Wellington’s ability to finish at the top, and failing that there is always the mighty Wairarapa-Bush in the Heartland Championship.

I feel sure the sides will perform better than in the Super 14, and the All Blacks’ commanding form in the Tri Nations bodes well for Kiwi rugby on the whole.

At the time, Kevin Rudd wished him all the best and admitted “If it was me, I’d probably collapse on the first leg.” No arguments from anyone there, K-Rudd. However, while Abbott’s sporting prowess was hailed by many as a great example of pursuing a healthy lifestyle in a nation plagued by obesity, federal ministers still leapt at the chance to bring the iron man down. Questions were raised about whether Abbott’s time spent in the pool detracted from his time dedicated to developing opposition policy.

It is fair to say that Abbott isn’t the only political figure intent on keeping in shape. In the 1970s, United States President Barack Obama was a part of the Punahou High School basketball team that won a state championship. Obama’s love affair with the sport was demonstrated in a game of hoops for the troops last week; LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and others teamed up with Obama to entertain wounded troops in Washington. Vladimir Putin goes even further when it comes to fitness fanaticism. The former head of the KGB allegedly begins every day with a workout involving weights and swimming. The Russian, labelled the political world’s original action man, also made an appearance in a fitness DVD alongside Olympic Judo champion Yasuhiro Yamashita.

While detractors of Abbott argue that his obsession with 5am cycles must be of detriment to his political suitability, his commitment to personal health goes further than providing the odd publicity stunt. It demonstrates a sense of devotion and a drive that the majority of people seem to appreciate. Indeed, John Howard used daily morning walks as part of a political routine to emphasise the depiction of Kim Beazely as physically unfit and consequently undisciplined. The election on August 21 will determine whether Tony Abbott really is a political iron man, or just a running joke.

While the president has always proclaimed a tough stance on immigration, these moves have picked up steam. Last year, Sarkozy called for the Muslim burqa to be banned in public spaces. The policy has since passed by an overwhelming majority in the French National Assembly, and is now being debated in the French Senate, where it is also expected to pass.

In his most recent outburst, Sarkozy linked crime to immigration in a speech in Grenoble. This followed the death of a man of Arab origin that sparked riots and a number of death threats aimed at Grenoble police. Sarkozy says France is “suffering from 50 years of lax immigration regulation which has led to a failure of integration”. In his speech he outlined a number of measures he intends to introduce, aimed at reducing
crimes among immigrant populations.

These proposals include the reviewing of foreign-born underage offenders before they become citizens at 18, as well as the more widely reported plan to strip citizenship from immigrants who threaten the lives of police. He justified the proposals, announcing “French nationality has to be earned. You have to prove you’re worthy of it. When you shoot at police officers, you no longer have the right to call yourself French.”

Sarkozy’s measures have been slammed by critics from both ends of the political spectrum as being unworkable. Despite this, a recent opinion poll illustrated that 70 to 80 per cent of French voters actually support the measures the president has put forward. In a statement that reflects the results of the poll, Interior Minister Brice Hortefeux has been quick to dismiss these critics, claiming: “As usual Sarkozyism is out of step with the elites but in step with society.”

Hortefeux says, “When we must adapt to or confront new difficulties, we don’t hesitate to do so. We’re waging a war against insecurity. We’re on the side of the victims and we have but a sole enemy—the crooks.” Hortefeux has outlined that Sarkozy’s proposed measures would be included in bills to be debated in the French National Assembly in September.

Hortefeux has also indicated that the stripping of citizenship could be applied more broadly than in the instance announced by Sarkozy in his Grenoble speech. The Interior Minister has said these punitive measures could be applied in the instances of “female excision, human trafficking or serious acts of delinquency”.

A little over a week before his speech in Grenoble, Sarkozy had announced policies to eradicate illegal Roma
(gypsy) camps in France, saying they are “sources of trafficking, exploitation and prostitution”. His attack on the Roma people was again reactionary, following the fatal shooting of a young gypsy woman who failed to stop at a checkpoint and was subsequently shot dead, sparking riots.

The Roma in question are actually French gypsies, who have lived in the country for centuries. There are
hundreds of thousands of Roma who live in long-established French communities. Despite this, Sarkozy
directed his attack at the gypsies, who have migrated predominantly from Romania and Bulgaria in recent years. These immigrants have the right to enter France without a visa, but must attain work or residency permits in order to remain in the country for long periods of time.

300 illegal gypsy camps are to be “systematically evacuated” over the next three months, and police have since initiated this campaign. The first camp dismantled saw 100 people from the central city of Saint-Etienne dispersed, where they had been living in makeshift shelters and tents since May.

While there are undoubtedly Europe-wide issues concerning immigration policies, analysts believe Sarkozy’s actions to be motivated by an approval rating that is sliding. It has been suggested Sarkozy is implementing anti-immigration policies in order to purloin votes from the extreme-right National Front Party. This move is likely to also gain him revitalised support from the majority of heavily conservative French voters.

John Lichfield, a commentator from The Independent, says Sarkozy is continuing to make connections between crime and both legal and illegal immigrants. He alleges that these connections are “at best wilful, and at worst dishonest”.

In a recent statement, the French Socialist Party has also accused Sarkozy of “trying to distract the public’s
attention by using that old standby—provocation”.

Regardless of these criticisms, with such a high percentage of support for his recent policies, Sarkozy’s
motivations, nefarious as they may be, are likely to secure the president’s popularity. The only real chance of
impedance of these controversial policies lies with the Council of State, France’s highest administrative body,
who have indicated concerns of the unconstitutionality of Sarkozy’s policies.

My background in craft is obviously not strong. Give me a vegan cupcake recipe and I’ll fatten you up in no time, but crochet hooks give me an uncomfortable feeling that someone—hopefully the person that handed me said crochet hook—will soon lose an eye. This ineptitude is a shame: craft is now socially desirable, just like Doc Martens and oversized, horrendously patterned jerseys.

If we travel back a few decades, craft wasn’t considered that cool. Store-bought, plastic-wrapped and seen-on-TV items were lusted after, not the flawed handmade-with-love variety. Real art got stuck up in huge galleries and real artists learned their skills at art schools and academies. Next there were skilled craftspeople making functional (and beautiful) woodwork, pottery and textiles. Then, finally, you had ‘women’s work’, activities like knitting, making clothes, weaving, crochet and the like. Never given value in economic systems, this important work was marginalised and often used to reinforce traditional gender roles. For feminists of my mum’s generation, handmade craft was considered a tool to keep women downtrodden.

But craft has come back with a vengeance. The ‘Stitch and Bitch’, Etsy.com and increased art-world interest has meant that handmade is not only appreciated, it’s also economically profitable. ‘Craftivism’ is the feral grandchild of this revival. A patchwork-Frankenstein’s Monster of craft and activism, the term was created in 2003 by writer Betsey Greer to describe “a way of looking at life where voicing opinions through creativity makes your voice stronger, your compassion deeper and your quest for justice more infinite”. Which, um, sounds really good, but leaves me questioning what a craftivist actually does?

A quick rifle through the internet throws out these suggestions: knitting pink blankets for tanks; guerrilla art; and ‘knit-ins’, where knitting circles take over a public space. Feminist, anti-capitalist, anti-war, environmentalist… craftivism can be all these things. For more clarification I had a chat with local crafty-lady Raven Cretney, who is part of Nanatech, a group “passionate about reinvigorating the skills of the past and present”. Raven was unsurprisingly enthusiastic, saying “Craft can be used for all sorts of purposes: to make a statement about a political issue through knit tagging, to brighten a public space, to make clothes for someone in need or to learn and build community.”

This was encouragement enough for me. While I have no plans to finish knitting my ex’s scarf, I do have plans to knit a tea-cosy covering the Beehive, or perhaps Gerry Brownlee.

• Don’t eat too much meat. Meat is super icky on the planet—think greenhouse gasses in the form of methane, and forest destruction to raise cattle. Besides, it’s expensive.
• Do all your cooking in the oven in one chunk. Most of the energy of using the oven is in heating it up—try to co-ordinate your cooking with your flatmates.
• The microwave uses way less power—about ten per cent of the energy that an oven would. It also saves heaps of time. (And it’s oh-so-fun to watch your food spin round—it’s good for you right?)
• Cover pots when cooking to avoid heat loss. Bonus points: less steam = less moisture = less mould.
• Making pasta? Of course you are. Boil the water in the jug first, rather than on the stove.
• People don’t seem to realise, but crockpots really are super cool (and easy to find around). You get to make tea before that mid-week afternoon pub trip, not after. Your flatmates will thank me, and so will you. Looking in op-shops for old recipe books to accompany your crockpot is also super sweet.
• Don’t use your oven as a source of heat. Or to warm socks.
• Cook too much food for tea last night? Let it cool to roomish temperature, chuck it in the fridge and bam! Lunch tomorrow, no more shitty over-priced food from uni or squashed sandwiches and bruised apples.
• No matter how many times you check the fridge, unless you go food shopping, there will not be any new and exciting food in there. No chocolate milk will magically appear (I’ve been waiting, and it doesn’t), and that cold air just falls out of the fridge. You can almost see the wastage.
• When cleaning up, be sensible about it, kids. Don’t run the dishwasher if it’s only half full, don’t fill the sink to the brim to wash a little pot and always wipe down the bench.

Hang out outside a hall of residence until someone lets you in and scab free dinner 0/10
So un-hot. Seriously. Hall food sucks. It also makes you fat. If you’re not a first year, you probably don’t want to be hanging out with first years. Not that there’s anything wrong with first years, but if you’re trying to impress someone, it’s just probably not the best idea. Did I mention hall food sucks?

The Botans 6/10
You can climb trees, have a picnic (use up the leftovers in your fridge—as long as they’re tasty and mould-free), feed ducks, play on the playground, walk up hills and pash in the
bushes. It’s not exactly an original idea, but on a nice day, the Botans are a nice place to go. Fresh air and exercise. Don’t go on a wet and windy day. Nah uh.

A free entry pub quiz 4/10
Maybe only go with this option if you have a vast wealth of general knowledge or an iPhone. Pub quizzes can be tough. If you manage to place, you’ll generally get a bar tab as your prize—so at least you might be able to shout your date a drink. If you fail at placing, don’t expect a second date.

The City Library 2/10
We’re not entirely sure how a date to the City Library would go. You could have sex between the shelves, but you wouldn’t really want to do that on a first date—or would you? You could go and read picture books. Or you could quietly study together. I think the verdict is, unless you’re having sex, it’s probably not going to be a good time. Unless you’re dropping by to pick up a copy of Salient, of course.

Salient Blind Date 10/10
Free food and booze, what more could you want? Not to mention you get to go on a date with a complete stranger. Keen? Email blinddate@salient.org.nz with some info about your ideal date and your cellphone number (so we can contact you if we decide to play cupid with you). First issue back after the break will have all the gory details of last week’s blind date, ooh ah!

Te Papa 7/10
There is so much to keep you amused at Te Papa—for no cost at all! Go and look at the decaying colossal squid, push all the buttons, go in the earthquake house, look at some perplexing artwork. You’ll fill in a day just like that. Horrah! Second date prospects could be high.

Parliament 8/10
Nothing says sexy quite like the halls of power. Tours of parliament are free, and take about an hour. You get to see everything from the base isolators, to the parliamentary library, to the debating chamber. Hawt. Everyone else tends to disagree with such a high rating, but you know, whatever tickles your pickle.

It is understood that once you are in a reasonable state of consciousness in the morning, you check your emails. While most of them are updates from Facebook or spam suggesting herbal enhancers, occasionally an email with an innovative subject line will find its way through to your account. Last Tuesday was such a morning and I found myself staring at a message titled ‘holy fuck shit’.

With an overactive imagination, and still half asleep, ‘holy fuck shit’ led my brain to the extremes of zombie apocalypse, or the ability to clone dinosaurs—which will happen one
day, mark my words. But after reading the linked article and learning the Triceratops never existed, I ascertained ‘holy fuck shit’ was an acceptable lead-in.

As it turns out, Triceratops is an immature form of a Torosaurus, which is ‘palaeontology’ for some dinosaur we couldn’t give a rat’s ass about. Seriously, Torosaurus sounds like a dance move combining arm flailing and ghetto stomping, reserved for tragic spinsters at their cousins’ wedding. But scientists have realised the Triceratops’ skull shape shifts, or for all you Poké-masters out there, ‘evolves’, into the skull of an adult Torosaurus, a three-horned less-than-amazing Triceratops. Scientists are basing this knowledge on the fact no juvenile fossils of Torosaurus have been uncovered.

Dear palaeontologist, a word of advice: might I suggest digging deeper before taking my Triceratops? It was a pretty crappy thing to do. Even Microsoft Word doesn’t recognise
‘Torosaurus’. I think you may have your facts wrong. Windows XP aside, Bill Gates is nothing if thorough… Sort of. Also, I imagine you look like Ross Geller so if you’re ‘on a break’, don’t take it out on Triceratops.

A glorious, prehistoric beast, the Triceratops was best known to children as that arrogant jaundice three-horn ‘Cera’ from The Land Before Time. You know, that one that acted as the fun police and crushed the dreams of her fellow adventurers en route to the Great Valley. Despite Littlefoot’s mother saving her ass, Cera was still a righteous mole. After sitting through umpti-billion Land Before Time sequels, prequels, and tragic spin-offs, I take great pleasure in the fact she no longer exists. Shame Spielberg, that’s what you get for failing to clone dinosaurs after Jurassic Park. You’ve had over a decade. We want some action here, pal.

But like so many other items ripped away from us by science, evolution, and all things politically correct, the Triceratops is the latest casualty in what I am convinced is a war against our childhood. It starts small, the first casualty being red-tipped cigarette Spaceman Candy Sticks. But oh no, this wasn’t enough and soon escalated with some ass-tronomist just having to snatch away Pluto.

Let’s look on the bright side though, dinosaurs evolve like Pokémon and Littlefoot, the Brontosaurus that could, has finally his revenge on Spielberg.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, the Brontosaurus isn’t real either!?

Everybody should know how to make a good brownie, and banana cake is the best way to use up old bananas. They’re both very easy recipes.

Banana Cake

Ingredients:

• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• 3 bananas
• 1 1/ 2 cups flour
• 1 1/ 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoons milk

Method:

• Preheat oven to 175^oC/350^oF
• Melt butter
• Beat butter and sugar together, and add the egg
• Mash bananas and add to mixture
• Add flour and baking powder
• Dissolve the baking powder in the milk, and add to mixture
• Bake for 1 hour

Chocolate Brownie

Ingredients:

• 150g butter
• 6 tablespoons cocoa
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla essence
• 1 cup chocolate chips (optional)
• 3/4 cups flour
• 3/4 teaspoon baking powder

Method:

• Preheat the oven to 180^oC/355^oF
• Mix flour and baking powder
• Beat sugar and eggs separately, then add to mixture with vanilla essence
• Melt butter in a saucepan
• Mix the cocoa into the butter, then add them to mixture
• Add chocolate chips (optional)
• Bake for 25 minutes
• When they’re baked and cooled, dust with icing sugar

Tip of the week:
When baking, I always mix the baking powder with the flour before adding it to the rest of the ingredients. It helps ensure the baking powder is spread throughout the whole mixture.

Gluten-free tip:
Just like my earlier choc-chip cookie recipe, these can be made awesomely gluten-free with the aid of mashed potato. Don’t ask me how it works, it just does! Add one small potato/half a large mashed potato to the recipe before you add your gluten-free flour. It may also pay to add an extra half-cup of flour to the recipe to prevent it being too runny after adding the potato.

Firstly, if at all possible, buy from the supermarket or dairy. For the same amount of money you’d spend on an entire meal, you can get a drink or dessert as well. Dairies have TV dinners in the freezer, and they are usually of the comfort food variety, so could hit the spot. TV dinners are usually about $7, which means you can get a full meal for $15 with drink and dessert.

The supermarket has a massive range of options for dinner. You can get TV dinners for $5-12, and they take 3 minutes in the microwave. The frozens area is also good for ovenbake chips and even fatty-ish food which is still much better for you than takeaways. An entire bag of chips can cost $5 and will take ten minutes to cook. Rotisserie chicken or supermarket-Brownies and Banana Cake prepared deli food is also a great cheap option. The most important thing is an attitude shift—if you would otherwise spend $50 on Hell pizza, compare this to $50 of supermarket or dairy food, and you’ll realise just how far your money stretches.

Chinese food can be really great, but it’s a mixed bag depending on where you get it. Fisherman’s Plate on Bond Street is fantastic for healthy and cheap Vietnamese food and healthy-ish fish and chips; Aunty Mena’s (Cuba Street), or Tong’s Takeaways (Kilbirnie) are delicious but not so good for you. Aim for a meal with lean meat and tons of veg and rice, which would make for a balanced meal.

Pizza is also a mixed bag. We all love Hell, but it is expensive and you can often eat a whole one without blinking. Beware of idiot-aimed advertising—Pizza Hut, for example, has just released a “huge 14-inch pizza” which is only a fraction larger than their competitors’ regular size, so this is essentially a campaign to encourage us to spend more on a regular sized pizza. Think realistically about your order. Will it hit the spot? Can you actually afford it? Will it fill you up? I always crave Coca Cola and ice cream after pizza, so when I get pizza I often end up either broke or dissatisfied.

Fish and chips is great for filling you up but incredibly bad for you. If you can bear it, get a burger or grilled fish instead of deep fried battered fish. Burgers are often really good from fish and chip shops. Buy chips that are a chunkier cut, as they’ll have absorbed less fat in the deep frier. Aro Chips (Te Aro) deserves a mention! On the upside, fish and chips
are relatively cheap and you will feel full faster and probably eat less. But is it worth feeling ill afterwards?

Meals packed with additives/salt/ MSG/fat will glisten or be unnaturally coloured (e.g., dark brown stir fry, pink ginger, bright orange sweet and sour sauce). If you can’t tell what kind of meat it is, how it was made or the veges are unrecognisable, you could have done better. The best rule of thumb: the yummier it sounds when stoned, the worse it is for you!

Alexis Mabille’s high profile dressing can be emulated locally with Alexandra Owen’ s gold satin and jackets. Barkers’, Little Brother’s and Mandatory’s collections look upmarket out of an office context, and Cue has the remarkable ability to make me wish I had an office job with their structured combinations.

Armani Prive’s collection revolves around the moon with circular and dreamy outfits. This season Camilla and Marc have used globe shapes and Farmers has cottoned on to this with round necklines. Bianca Spender has interpreted Prive’s moon washed palette, while back on Cuba Street the new Temt is playful with light colours.

Elie Saab is always attracted to the glisten of glamour and their recent rich colouring is true to this. Saab’s couture statement of pomegranate red is noticeable in Starfish’s spring collection.

Although striking draping is harder to come across, it can be sourced in Alice McCall’s collection. Valentino is drawn to the darker side of youth fashion. From this, the Cassette Society is an edgy take on maverick youths. What’s more, popular culture’s obsession with night creatures comes out in Deadly Ponies’ menacing animal jewelry. Glassons’ up
and coming ‘Into the Woods’ campaign brings out a darker texture to the fashion scene like Lonely Hearts’ ‘What is your damage?’

The rebel runaway is explored in many young brands such as Chronicles of Never and Claude Maus. However, the clean-cut aspiration of Valentino’s work is not lost in St Augustine Academy’s subculture curiosity and Max’s and Stax’s cuts. Chanel’s couture dark tapestry is woven into Sabatini from Goodness and Devol from Rex Royal.

Stephane Rolland’s couture dons elaborate one shoulders and new necklines like Qasimi. Locally, Sera Lilly is a fan of these and even Valley Girl and Lippy have done a take on the red rouched shoulder. Rolland’s attention to the play of light on contoured materials is harder to find. However, Hailwood’s use of Satin emulates this quite well, especially in his long pants and dresses.

Whoever said couture is for the rich and famous only?

How to Have a Healthy Relationship with your Mo-billy Phone

(For those of you who have seen the seminal cinematic classic Valentine’s Day, I am not referring to that kind of relationship—thank you, Jessica Biel. Get your minds out of the gutter.)

I had a brief moment of panic just before. Okay, I’ll be honest, it was more of an existential crisis. I was bordering on a soliloquay. I couldn’t find my phone. It was there—then it was gone… Fortunately, I have mastered the art of using the landline to smoke it out. It was under my bed. And there were no messages. Bloody typical.

I should mention here that my social life isn’t so dazzling that your eyes burn to look at it. I’m not getting texts/calls every two minutes. Maybe only every five minutes, but let’s be honest—most texts are from our mums anyway. It’s not so much who is texting you, but the fact that somebody is that’s appealing. We feel loved. In touch with society. I once got a wrong number text that ran something along the lines of “hay sexi, had fun laz nyt, call me babes ;) ;) xo xo”. Awkward. But still, that little flying envelope that lights up on my screen, dancing around excitedly as it announces “New Message”—it just gets me every time.

Somewhere along the line, we became permanently attached to our phones. I mean, not having a cellphone is right up there with not having Facebook. It’s like, totes unacceptable. Essentially, cellphones facilitate communication. You can call people on them, you can text. You can even update Facebook (two birds, one stone). But when did they
become safety blankets? Why are we rendered helpless as babies when we lose them, when our batteries die, and when the Telecom robot lady voice tells us sternly that our balance is less than $5?

I say it’s time for a revolution. This week, I challenge you to leave your phone at home, for one day. It’s not like you get service in the lecture theatres anyway (I’m looking at you, KK303). It’s okay. You’ll survive. There’s actually this thing called talking, that is supposedly quite an effective form of communication. And if you find yourself spouting emo poems at the wall, just think of Hamlet. That guy really had it rough—they didn’t have cellphones back then. No, not even XT.

Combine one puffer jacket with a pair of blue jeans in a skinny style. Add a North Shore-esque haircut. In wet weather, tuck jeans into mid-calf flat-soled boots. In alternate weather situations, tuck jeans into mid-calf flat-soled boots. Extra comfort available with the substitution of jeans with jeggings. Must have large tote handbag with polished metal accents. Patent is preferable, and a bright colour means your bag will double as your “attention piece” (We are all individuals, and fashion is a fun way of expressing one’s inner self). Bag must fit a laptop for class time facies. Puffer jackets have the added benefit of doubling as sleeping bags—perfect for your midday beauty sleep. Google image search “tadpoles” and shape eyebrows accordingly.

You a diva, gurl.

Work it,
Jorje, xx.

Every day on the way to work I walk past a building-sized billboard for a certain ‘pure’ beer. It says: “No additives, no preservatives, no compromise”. It should just read “No flavour”.

Large commercial breweries brand their products like this as if to say flavour can only be given to a beer by using unnatural ingredients. I think they need to learn from the little guys.

Almost every craft beer is created using just four ingredients: water, malt, hops and yeast. Therefore, almost every craft beer qualifies for the ‘pure’ status which is given to so many bland mega-brewed lagers. Only craft beers have character, a flavour profile, something more rewarding than just cold fizziness going down your throat as a means to get drunk.

The way those four ingredients are utilised is what gives beer its character. Small breweries are run by brewers who know all the ins and outs of how to use the ingredients to create a flavoursome and balanced beer. Mega-breweries are run by accountants, who know how to pinch pennies. The easiest ways to do this is to use fewer hops (less flavour), cheaper malt (less flavour) and to shorten the condi-tioning time (worse flavour). Sure, your beer is ‘pure’. But it tastes insipid.

The phrase which always appears next to the pure moniker is ‘naturally brewed’. Huh? Naturally brewed? So there’s artificially brewed beer? No. This is another meaningless piece of marketing bullshit. If something was artificially brewed (how you would do that I’m not sure) it wouldn’t qualify as beer. Beer is created via the natural process of fermentation, carried out by yeast. All things fermented are ‘brewed naturally’. My farts are brewed naturally, but you don’t see me advertising the fact. “Smell that? No additives, no preservatives and brewed naturally!”

The point of this rant: don’t believe the billboards, believe your taste buds.

If you have any questions about this week’s beers or any comments, please contact me at davethebeerguy@gmail.com

Welcome wanderers. It is most gratifying to feel your eager eyes caress my words as ‘twere they delicate lilies in a pond of warm syrup. Your ocular grip tenderly explores every nook and cranny of my vowels and consonants. Your looks so coyly fondle my grammar. Oh, such exquisite pleasure. Oh.

Look, my soft yet strong reader, I am going to be straight with you. There is something growing between us. You know it. You can smell it. On the petri-dish of our relationship there is slowly growing a hot pink fuzz of, dare I speak it, loooooooooooove. Try as you might, you cannot deny the crackle whenever we meet, that erotic sizzle that shivers through your nervous system at the very thought of my presence. Every time we touch it is as electric as a thousand summer sunsets.

As a paean to the growing belt of lust that inextricably links us, this week’s predictions are of our next encounter, our next rendezvous. The stars have been so generous as to impart to me the intimate details of when we will next meet. Ooooooh.

For those among you who can wiggle your ears on command, our next meeting will be of a nautical disposition. We will both, unbeknown to each other, stow away on a yacht. Our hands will meet in the darkness as we scrabble from our respective hiding places deep in the depths of the Merrywink’s Seamstress (for that shall be the name of the yacht).

You will have hidden in a large crate of lime jelly crystals, while I will have ingeniously disguised myself as a bronze life-size statue of Hercules. A very convincing statue at that. You will have brought with you a torch with which you will illuminate our musty surroundings before finally falling on my stunning physique. Your gasp of erotic shock at my very presence will rumble like a warm volcano of longing.

“You… You’re Rutherford Dean! Horoscoper, love god and philanthropist!” you will utter under your already damp with romance breath. I will slowly nod my very manly assent. My finely chiseled chin cutting great arcs of power through the air, making your limpid heart beat double time. We will fall in a deep, velveteen embrace. Our dual warmths will merge into one glorious throbbing whole.

It’ll be great.

For you readers who cannot wiggle their ears on command, our encounter will be of a much more edible nature. As you start your new job at Wellington’s swankiest new eatery, you will be ecstatic to discover that I am not only a certifiable genius of the horoscopian, theatrical and written arts, but I also excel in the world of mouth fun. Over the hot pots and clattering plates we will literally dance a metaphorical tango of desire. The weight of lust hanging in your heart will quickly become too, too much to bear, and at the end of your first shift you will tempt me into the store room.

Salient reads the VUWSA half-year reports, gives you the condensed version

Craig Carey
Welfare offIcer
Not entirely sure what the Welfare Officer does… From Craig’s half-year report it sort of looks like they help out the Vice-President (Welfare). Three pages worth of helping, which is a pretty good showing. Craig has helped provide a tax refund service for students, supported students with StudyLink and WINZ issues, sat on the Food and Beverages Committee for Campus Hub, oh and he helped with free flu shot publicity, and Stress-Free Study Week breakfasts. He’s yet to come up with his own welfare initiative, but he hopes to do that this trimester. He’s an execeteer who gets on and does what he’s told. We hope he’s not whipped.

Quotable Quote: “I do everything that I tell people I will do, and on time, without attracting any controversy within the VUWSA executive/ management or wider membership.”

BONUS! $800

Caitlin Dunham
Women’s rIghts offIcer
All feminists should be like Caitlin. She’s approachable, friendly and really passionate about her position. Sure there were a couple of misses during Women’s Fest, but the abortion panel, DIY sanitary pads and feminist pub quiz were all well attended. She’s been active in liaising with groups like ALRANZ and Family Planning, and she got in the paper and got mentioned in parliament. And the women’s issue of Salient this year was fucking awesome. VUWSA is blessed to have such an awesome WRO. And she got a full-on bonus.

Quotable Quote: Under weaknesses—“Highly strung”, “Boisterous”, “Can get too caught up in office politics”.

BONUS! $850

Kurt Sharpe
Acting Queer Officer
For someone filling in the position of Queer Officer, Mr Sharpe has worked his butt off. He’s been involved in organising the Queer Tertiary Students’ Survey, the Queer Mentoring Programme, he’s written his column, worked with UniQ and other queer groups at a national level. He’s also been updating and collecting resources for queer students. Kurt’s obviously an excellent communicator, and in some respects it’s a little disappointing he didn’t stand for the position at the by-election. Tom Reed has got some big shoes to fill.

Quotable Quote: Kurt’s half-year report is so ultra professional there are no note worthy quotes. Sigh. Good work.

BONUS! $650 (the full amount Kurt was eligible for)

Alan Young
Activities Officer
Dear Alan got a mere $125 worth of bonus of the $850 he was eligible for. Reading his half-year report, it’s not hard to see why. A number of planned events and activities were
either canned altogether—an Orientation Treasure Hunt?— or postponed. The VUWSA Poker Series was plagued by location troubles, but here’s hoping VUWSA Dress Up Day
takes off. One bonus point for being brave enough to wear one of those hideous orange ‘Save our Services’ t-shirts on multiple occasions.

Quotable Quote: “The speed dating was successful in bringing students who were interested in having conversations with other when otherwise they might not have had the chance with school work.”

BONUS! $125

Bridie Hood
Campaigns Officer and Acting Vice-President (Education)
Holy shit this girl’s done heaps. And to top it all off, she’s really nice. Bridie has done a whole bunch of stuff (and when I say a whole bunch it means so much I can’t actually fit it in) promoting the class rep system, the faculty delegate system, and she’s poured her heart and soul into the 2010 VUWSA Alternative Student Guide. She’s sat on a whole pile of
boards and committees (seriously, too many to name). She’s handed in her columns on time, and she likes to submit them in weird fonts (humour FTW). You go girl! She says her two weaknesses are institutional knowledge and ye olde self-confidence when dealing with big scary university folk, but with time we’re sure Bridie’s gonna be one super VP.

Quotable Quote: “I am becoming more confident in my position and my knowledge and I will continue to fight the sausage fest.”

BONUS! Not eligible

Seamus Brady
Vice-President (Welfare) and Acting Vice President (Administration)
We’re pretty sure Seamus could do his job with his eyes closed. His half-year report is six pages long. How does one even begin to summarise? Food bank, flu shots, tax advice,
StudyLink, Rep Groups, Stress-Free Study Week (and thanks for the cereal), Campus Angels, Student Finance Hardship Committee, welfare publications, columns, Orientation,
Education (Freedom of Association) Bill, submissions, VUWSA Audit and Finance Committee, VUWSA Alternative Student Guide, SSALAC, VUWSA Trust, Publications Committee,
Performance Management Committee, NZUSA. Oh yeah, and Seamus helped Max heaps. Seamus is a library of information about VUWSA and has a pretty darn good idea
about how stuff works around these parts. VUWSA will be at a loss when Seamus leaves.

Quotable Quote: It was a tie between under strengths, “Down to earth and not a crazy”, and under weaknesses, “I can get caught up in the VUWSA bubble”. We’re pleased you’re not a crazy too, Seamus.

BONUS! Not eligible

Zachary Dorner
Environmental Officer
Zack is another one of those hard-working execeteers who quietly gets on with his work without complaint or controversy. We have a revitalised VUWSA vege garden, thanks to Zack and Gecko, and Zack has regularly kept in contact with clubs. He proposed motions at the IGM and he’s created healthy student debate about environmental issues. Zack has launched the Warm My Flat campaign, and drafted a Sustainability Policy for VUWSA. Zack should also be proud of his efforts in helping organise the Environment Issue of Salient that coincided with Environment Week. Kia ora.

Quotable Quote: So this is actually from Zack’s most recent work report, but it is awesome. “Make sure Environment Issue of Salient goes off without a hitch. Got Sarah too many articles, all on time—Sarah Robson loved me.”

James Sleep
educatIon offIcer
James’ half-year report was not included in the exec packs for the meeting where the reports were to be presented—it was late. Salient requested a copy of James’ half-year report from Prez Max Hardy. We got it, eventually. He’s done a few things—he helped with class reps, the VUWSA Alternative Student Guide, Orientation and Stress-Free Study Week. He organised the Education Action Group. He went to the NZUSA Conference. He was away for three reporting periods. There was also that incident with the column. Sigh. He admits time allocation and setting priorities have been problems—less time overseas perhaps?

Quotable Quote: Point 4 under weaknesses—“…” It is actually just “…”

BONUS! Zilch, zero, nothing

Max Hardy
President
Max’s half-year report is a whopping 13 pages long. It looks like it’s at 1.5 spacing, but still, it’s really long. If you can churn out that many words Max, it’s surprising you struggle with a 400-word column every week. As much as we mock our dear leader—we mean—president, he’s not doing too bad a job. He’s in touch with the issues affecting students on campus, and in tertiary education more broadly speaking. Max is constantly at meetings (try arranging a regular time to meet—it’s near impossible), and he is constantly talking about new initiatives, new committees, new reviews, new policies, and what he chatted to the Vice-Chancellor about (well, the stuff we’re allowed to know anyway). Consultation on the Student Services Levy, a joint venture between the university and VUWSA, is probably one of the more notable achievements this year, although we are still waiting on the outcome of this. Yup, there’s still stuff to be worked on, particularly in terms of communication and the “public face” of VUWSA, but I guess at least he’s keeping out of trouble (no ‘I heart my penis’ t-shirts), and at least he’s approachable (no comment). It just makes for less interesting news stories.

Quotable Quote: “Salient is within budget and the overall cost of Salient has reduced very substantially from 2009.”

Fraser Pearce and Alice Pan both resigned, so were not obliged to submit half-year reports. We’re a little disappointed we didn’t get to read Fraser’s. Sigh.

1. Who are you backing in Academic Idol?
2. What is the best way to keep warm at night?
3. Holidays soon! What are you planning on doing?
4. What animal would be your patronus?
5. Do you know any German?

Clara
21
Law and Politics

1. Marc Wilson—his poem looks cool. Better than the rest.
2. Have your flatmates in bed. Boyfriend and et cetera too. An orgy.
3. My bach on the beach and Vespa around Tuscany.
4. Giraffe—that would totally suit my height.
5. Ja. Das ist echt geil.

Elly
19
Engineering

1. Pondy!
2. Hot water bottle, especially ones with the furry stuff.
3. Comp assignment, unfortunately.
4. Mutant axolotl.
5. I know this one… scheißenhausen… Sadly.

Amelia
21
BA—Psychology, Criminology and Anthropology

1. Marc Wilson.
2. Hot water bottle.
3. Road trip!
4. An eagle.
5. Yes I do, I can speak a bit… Du bist… [fill in the blank]

Vicky
20
Commerce, Psychology and Law

1. Dean Knight.
2. Hot shower before bed and then cuddle a hot water bottle… Or seven.
3. Going back home for a week. Possibly go snowboarding—and get owned.
4. A black panther.
5. No, but I know Chinese.

Hollie
20
History

1. Haven’t been. Charlotte from the history faculty should’ve been in it.
2. Spooning.
3. Working! I live far away and would like to rent a room close to work for two weeks.
4. Cat.
5. Yes, I actually take German—“Frieden, Liebe und barfuß.”

Sarah
20
Law and Politics

1. No one.
2. Hot water bottle… My hottie!
3. Sleeping. On a bed of clouds.
4. A meerkat.
5. Yes, extensive Scheiße.

Christine
18
Engineering

1. Pondy, but I did like Marc’s poem.
2. Lots of blankets!
3. Forgetting about assignments until the last day and video games.
4. Axolotl… Or possibly the mutant strand.
5. There was this phrase from The Hungry Caterpillar which my German teacher once read… Ice waffle comes to mind.

When someone ends up having sex against their wishes it isn’t just one of those expected experiences in life. It is sexual assault.

Potential effects of sexual assault on the victim include:

• low self esteem
• drug and alcohol abuse
• depression/anxiety
• general distrust
• fear
• dysfunctional destructive personal relationships
• fear for the safety of their children

The accused person, whether they are innocent or guilty, can ponder the prospect of:

• 20 years maximum prison penalty for rape
• 20 years maximum penalty for unlawful sexual connection
• Substantial legal costs, and a in small country such as New Zealand,
• a lifetime social stigma which may include their friends, family and work colleagues

Factors which can increase a person’s risk of experiencing a sexual assault include:

• Impaired judgement related to the effects of alcohol and drug use
• Separation from friends who care about you
• Taking unnecessary risks such as trusting people you would not necessarily trust if you were sober or drug-free
• Age—most sexual assault complaints involve young people who are known to each other or move within similar social circles

Issues related to consent

Consent is when a sober and rational person is situated so as to be able to make a rational decision upon the matter to which he or she consents. Being asleep on a couch after a night of drinking in town does not mean you are consenting to have sex. Using aggressive or threatening behaviour to intimidate someone into having sex is wrong. Ignoring a person’s verbal and non-verbal requests to stop is sexual assault. Consent can be withdrawn after starting to have sex.

When sex is consensual it is expected that people are able to negotiate boundaries, including what type of sex they are comfortable with having and when and where they have sex. Someone does not respect or love or even care for you if they expect you to have sex when they know you do not want to.

To protect yourself and your future, do not have sex with any one without their consent. To help reduce risk of sexual assault, make a safety plan before you go into town, to a party or use alcohol and other mind-altering drugs. Stick to the plan. Know how you are going to get home safely. Stay with people you trust, be aware of how much alcohol you are drinking, eat food and keep an eye on your glass. If walking home, stay together and keep to main streets, taking ‘shortcuts’ through parks and dimly lit lanes is not a good idea.

The police provide 24-hour expert care for anyone who has been assaulted. If a sexual assault occurs, dial 111 to contact the police as soon as you can. Where possible, a victim should preserve their clothing unwashed and hold off having a shower and going to the toilet until they have spoken to police. The police have a close working relationship with Rape Crisis—they offer counselling and support throughout the process no matter what a victim decides is right for them.

The police will also be able to arrange specialist medical care which may involve treatment for physical injuries, the administration of prophylactic antibiotics to protect against some STIs, and if appropriate, the emergency contraceptive pill to reduce the risk of pregnancy. Contacting the police does not mean you have to lay charges.

During working hours you can contact the Student Health Service, 463 5308. You can also contact Constable Baz Murfin, who is the Community Police Officer for Victoria University
on 381 2001 or at barry.murfin@police.govt.nz.

Email suggestions for an upcoming ‘Animal of the Week’ to elle@salient.org.nz.

ANIMAL FACT!
Animals would win the Olympics if they were allowed to enter.

Sometimes it’s tough deciding what you’re going to write about in your editorial. Today is one of those days. I was presented with a few options via Facebook:

• An editorial about my friend’s friend Ed. (Who is Ed? I don’t know Ed. Is this some sick, lame joke?)
• An editorial about how awesome the editor of another student magazine is. (You’re cool, but I’m not going to devote an entire editorial to you. And the others might get jealous.)
• The annual editorial about how hard it is to write an editorial. (NO, I am not going to be the first in student media to do it this year.)
• Another editorial about the VUWSA by-election. (Read the news section, I can’t be bothered venting my frustrations on the matter twice.)
• An editorial about how I would choose my Gmail over the life of an adorable kitten. (I’m sorry, I live on Gmail, the kitten must die.)
• Chris Carter (The poor guy’s suffered enough—not cool John Key, btw, not cool.)

Inspiration, as you can see, is pretty hard to come by. I even read the editorial that’s going in Critic this week. That didn’t help either. I’m actually stuck. Decision-making sucks. Please note this is not an editorial about how hard it is to write an editorial. Really, it’s not.

The default option is to tell you what’s in Salient this week. New Zealand has long shrugged off its reliance on the ‘mother country’ Brtitain, and slowly but surely Asia, and particularly East Asia, is becoming a more important player in our political, economic and even social relations.

Debate surrounding our relationship with China is ongoing, and is unlikely to end any time soon. Questions over issues such as human rights and labour standards still linger, and influence debate in New Zealand, at least about whether or not we should be seen to be fostering these ties. The fallout from Russel Norman’s Tibetan flag protest, and outcry over a Chinese-backed proposal to buy the Crafar farms, show that there are still issues that need to be negotiated and debated by New Zealanders regarding our relationship with China.

David Smith looks into the issue of the right to freedom of expression, using the Norman protest as a case study. Why don’t we hear about conflicts in Central Asia in the news? One of the feature writers investigates why we don’t know much about what goes on in some former Soviet states—are we too busy worrying about Afghanistan and the Middle East? Not to mention we’ve got Academic Idol in there, the VUWSA by-election results and all sorts of other goodies and surprises.

You’ll see on the back cover of this week’s issue we have conveniently provided you with a sweet cut-out mask so you can pretend to be the VUWSA President for a day. We’ve even provided you with some suggested phrases, to make the experience all the more genuine.

That wasn’t so hard after all. Have a good week. Oh and I wasn’t that serious about picking my Gmail over a cute, adorable kitten.

Salient Editor Sarah Robson last week decried VUWSA’s fall from our supposed position as the “bastion of student culture”. Funny. We have never attempted to be that. Does anybody particularly want us to? VUWSA has never been the “centre” of student culture as Sarah’s revisionist history suggests.

VUWSA is a representative organisation that exists to ensure that student interests are advocated for and protected. If VUWSA is performing well one of the things it does is facilitate and promote the development of student culture(s). But our job is not to be the centre of it.

VUWSA provides the magazine that you are reading now primarily because it allows for the development of a student community by providing an outlet for communication and debate. Last time Academic Idol was run, it was a great example of how VUWSA can bring the disparate groups of the University together. I hope it is as successful again this time. Whether the VUWSA By-Election garners more votes than a for-fun Salient run poll with less credibility than a Zimbabwean election is not a good question to ask. Ideally, both would have high turnouts for different reasons.

Whilst never being the “centre of student culture”, whatever that means, VUWSA has consistently supported the development of a culture and community at Victoria. I will give you a number of examples.

We have set up, funded, provided meeting space for and supported countless clubs, societies and representative groups over the years. Many of which are are now “bastions of student culture”. The University population is large and VUWSA recognises that a job is often done better when it is devolved to smaller groups. The PGSA, the Law Students Society, VicComm, the Pacifica Students Council and STUDiO for example all do a fantastic job and that is why VUWSA funds and supports their efforts. If other students set up groups for other sectors of the student community we will support them. Should VUWSA organise the a Law Ball? No, LSS can do it better and VUWSA should help them.

We are funding the development of a “Campus Hub” in Kelburn. This massive project will transform our campus and give it a student-centred heart. It will be the most important development in promoting student culture at Kelburn in a decades. In the past we have funded the building of the new library, the Student Union Building (which provides some of the only exclusive spaces available for non-academic student activity) and the Recreation Centre.

Recently we have ensured a completely new Retail Strategy which is geared towards dramatically improving the quality of the cafes and bars on campus. The Union Hall is being revamped by VUWSA and will once again be a major Wellington gig venue. VUWSA organises Orientation, Re-Orientation, welcome packs, clubs days, Team Victoria’s participation at University Games and Snow Games and hundreads of events around the year. We provide Salient and fund the VBC 88.3 FM.

It is true that campuses in cities more boring than Wellington have a livelier student culture because the city doesn’t offer much else. Wellington offers a lot, and VUWSA doesn’t need to fight that, we need to respond to the particular student body at Victoria.

VUWSA gives students the ability to debate and have a direct say on what services are available on campus, what sort of education they receive and where their fees go. Not all students take up the opportunity, but it is very important that they can.

VUWSA can and should improve. We need a PR and communications overhaul, which will take time. But we should not ignore the great things that our organisation makes possible now.

VUWSA: It’s your association.
 

VUWSA is your student association. It is controlled by students, for students.

VUWSA is an inclusive organisation that encourages all students to participate in strengthening on-campus student culture, improve the quality of education we receive, and be a strong voice in the wider community, as a community of learners.

Some talk in last week’s Salient about the lack of student culture and activism at Victoria University got me thinking.

In the last 25 years there have been several mass protests against the direction of tertiary education in New Zealand – one of the biggest protests being against the introduction of the student loan system.

In the last few years, student activism has been almost frowned upon.

Student engagement in issues affecting students seems to be at a low, but as discussed in last week’s Salient, some people believe Victoria University is no longer the vibrant, cultured university it used to be.

As a second year student, I don’t claim to fully understand what sort of university experience students enjoyed, or didn’t enjoy, before coming to Victoria in 2009.  

If it is the case that student culture and activism is at an all time low, then it’s the responsibility of us as students to create a university that is a vibrant hub of culture and activity.

I agree with the editor of Salient – VUWSA must actively engage students in order to be the university of culture, the university of engagement, the university that is involved in wider society.

However, in turn, it’s important to recognise that VUWSA is an organisation that is made up of students, and controlled by students.

Therefore, I call on you to take control of your student association.

Do something this week to engage with the work being done on campus to ensure students have a strong voice, get the best quality education possible, and have fun in the process.

Come along to the Education Action Group meeting (5pm on Wednesday, ground floor Student Union Building), come to the next Student Representative Council meeting (a forum for all students), write a letter to Salient, join a club, or another club, read your student president’s column, run for the VUWSA executive next month.

We must grasp the potential we have as students influence and shape tertiary education discourse and narrative in New Zealand.

It’s imperative we as students come together as a strong collective to make a campus that is fun, lively, social and cultured.

I’m optimistic that if we do this, it will help to bury the stereotype that 21st century students, particularly Gen Y, are a bunch of apathetic, lazy, self-interested New Zealanders.

It rests with us.
 
James
Education.officer@vuwsa.org.nz

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-officer-james-sleep/feed 3 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-vice-president-bridie-hood http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-vice-president-bridie-hood#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:17:48 +0000 Bridie Hood http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17755

Kia Ora all,

Class Representatives

Class Representatives. Why do we have them I hear you ask? Because they provide an important democratic role at this university. They ensure that you are getting a fair deal, help find areas for improvement within the university and they provide valuable feedback to fellow students, faculties, VUWSA and the University in general. It is an effective way that students can contribute to the direction of Victoria University!

We have just finished our first week of training, but if you are a class rep and still haven’t been trained, there are still sessions available!

Basic Training Sessions (for students who have NOT been class representatives before):

Tuesday 10th August, 3.15pm
Meeting Room 2, Student Union Building, Kelburn

Wednesday 11th August, 10am
Meeting Room 3, Student Union Building, Kelburn
 
Supplementary Training (for previous class reps):
Thursday 12th August, 3pm
RWW501, Pipetia

Either send your RSVPs to evp@vuwsa.org.nz or if you are unable to, just turn up on the day.

This trimester we have included supplementary trainings, for students who have been class reps before, to work on their communication and decision making skills. These are being facilitated by Glenda Weston, who has worked closely with students before, leading workshops and seminars for Student Learning Support Service and the VUW Counselling Service.

Gettin’ involved

I think Sarah’s editorial last week made a lot of us start thing about the ‘campus life’ at Vic University. So much so I know James is writing his column about this. Over the rest of the trimester there are a lot of things to get involved with on campus, so make the most of them! University isn’t just about studying! Two of the biggies include;

• Fee setting: Oh fun! Remember last year, there were eggs thrown at the VC and everything! Not that I condone that sort of behavior, but it was rather exciting!
• VUWSA General Elections: Go on! Do it! Be crazy! Enter the world of student politics. Or at least vote right? This is YOUR association, YOU choose what should happen.

If all else fails email me, that’s a way to get involved! What are we doing well? What are we doing badly? What changes do you want to see? What new services should we be providing?

<3

Bridie
evp@vuwsa.org.nz

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-vice-president-bridie-hood/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/fisaco1 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/fisaco1#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:16:02 +0000 Tom McDonald http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17758

Formula One has continued to be rife with controversy in recent years, and following the widely publicised Max Mosley scandal, this year has been no different. The season is starting to reach an epic climax, with the top five drivers separated by less than a single win following the Hungarian Grand Prix. However, the last two races in particular have been marred by intra-team shenanigans.

The illegal utilisation of team tactics has been under the spotlight, with Ferrari having already been convicted and fined $100,000. Felipe Massa was indirectly instructed to let more likely championship contender Fernando Alonso pass him at the German Grand Prix (“Fernando is faster than you”), while leading a Ferrari one-two. Veteran V8 driver Russell Ingall has said that if he was told to let a teammate pass while leading a race, he would have given team management the “one finger salute”. The outspoken Australian asserted that Formula One had no credibility remaining, and that if he wanted to see a manufactured sporting result, he would watch Pro Wrestling.

The incident resonates back to the antics of Michael Schumacher and his team back in his glory days with Ferrari. Ferrari has been widely criticised for constantly forcing long-time teammate Rubens Barrichello to allow Schumacher to pass him. The tables were turned somewhat at the Hungarian Grand Prix, when Barrichello passed Schumacher late in the race to claim the last race point. Schumacher’s infamous questionable sportsmanship came to the forefront again, as he nearly forced Barrichello into the wall by closing the gap dangerously late.

There was also rumour at Hungary that Red Bull’s Sebastien Vettel had been instructed to maximise the distance between himself and leader teammate Mark Webber behind the safety car, in order to give Webber time to pit. Red Bull fervently denied this, and in reality this does seem farfetched, given Vettel’s bemusement at his drive-through penalty (received for slipping further than ten car lengths back)—stating that he did not know what it was for at the time. Additionally, Vettel and Webber’s rocky relationship—which climaxed when the pair collided at the Turkish Grand Prix—would make the use of team tactics seem highly unlikely.

Despite the controversy surrounding Formula One etiquette, this season looks set to go right down to the wire, for both the Drivers’ and Constructers’ Championships, with Red Bull leading McLaren by just eight points and Webber only four ahead of second-placed Lewis Hamilton going into the Belgium Grand Prix. With seven races left, Ferrari cannot be counted out yet either, and it is nigh on impossible to pick a winner from the top five drivers.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/fisaco1/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/what-to-do-about-chris-carter http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/what-to-do-about-chris-carter#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:15:23 +0000 Paul Comrie-Thomson http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17870 There is something about Phil Goff which makes him entirely unlikeable. It could be his weak attempts to appear down-to-earth in interviews, where his smarmy character exudes insincerity. Or it might be the holier-than-thou struts up and down the halls of parliament as presented on the evening news, which resonate a distinct distance from voters. It is this lack of appeal, I believe, which is the key behind the Labour leader’s poor performance in the polls, and the only reason why shamed MP Chris Carter’s failed coup attempt might have actually enjoyed some support, had the plot not been foiled.

The truth is, leadership in New Zealand is almost of a presidential nature these days, with parties being elected by how much the public like and can relate to the different leaders. Look at our current Prime Minister. The ‘Tuhoe Cannibalism Joke’ is just one example of many which frame him in a Bush-esque light of the little kid playing politics. Granted, he is not quite at the level of bumbling idiocy in which Bush operated, but in the face of these eyebrow-raising blunders, and perhaps even because of them, New Zealand voters seem to identify with and like John Key. One might predict that as a result it is simply character that will see Key lead the National Party to another victory in 2011. The concentration on leadership as presented by the media on a consistent basis plays an important role in this, but it is important for New Zealanders to remember that they vote for a candidate, and a party in elections, and not a leader specifically.

This week’s column isn’t simply going to be a rant on what I do and don’t like about our country’s leaders, but since leadership is the central issue behind the fiasco surrounding Carter, it is important to note the importance of a leader’s character, despite the fact we don’t directly vote for that person. The thing is, despite a continued embarrassing performance in the polls, it has been pointed out time and time again that Phil Goff is not only the best, but probably the only man for the job in the Labour Party at present. As Scoop columnist Gordon Campbell wrote recently, “Inside caucus, (Labour Finance Spokesperson) David Cunliffe would be the only remotely viable contender, and that alarming prospect only underlines the fact that Goff is still the only option.” Beyond Cunliffe, the tossing around of names like Labour Chief Whip Darren Hughes as a further possible candidate, serves only to firmly reiterate in my mind that Goff is the man for the job. Perhaps, pre-credit card scandal, the vivacious Shane Jones might have had a chance, and I certainly still have high hopes he might find his way to that position at some point in his career.

The Labour Party as a whole doesn’t look in much better shape than its leadership. A 3 News Opinion Poll from mid June this year asked the question “If a general election was held yesterday under MMP, which political party would you have voted for with your Party Vote? That is, for the political party you most want to be represented in parliament.” The results are telling, with the Labour Party losing five seats to the National Party in the hypothetical situation.

On TV One’s Q+A programme, Paul Holmes touched on the reasons behind this poor performance in his interview with Phil Goff. Basically, it comes down to the fact that the Labour Party is relatively unknown. As Goff said in the interview, “A third of my caucus were elected in 2008 and in last year’s Mt Albert by-election, (and) Te Atatu (the expelled Carter’s electorate) gives us a chance for rejuvenation there.” Even though Goff assures that come the 2011 election this new talent will have “developed” and “strengthened”, unfamiliarity is likely to be Labour’s toughest obstacle in said election.

So where does that leave Carter? People will be familiar with the credit card scandal which saw the MP demoted. People will also be familiar with the subsequent botched leadership coup, after which, either in some form of deluded stupidity or complete arrogance, the disgraced politician has vowed to continue to serve his Te Atatu electorate. Furthermore, at the time of writing, Carter was seeking two months of “stress leave”, which is highly likely to be granted, especially after Goff admitted he believed Carter was “unwell”.

MPs are granted a leave entitlement of 14 sitting days per year, and so long as the member can convince the Speaker of the necessity, no medical certificate is required. This of course brings up all sorts of questions surrounding the hypocrisy of National’s proposal to allow employers to request a medical certificate for a single sick day for the rest of the population, but that is for another column. Because parliament only sits for three days per week, and in some weeks not at all, it is unlikely the Labour Party will be able to officially expel Carter from the party until mid September, despite the inevitability of his expulsion from the party. Thus, the New Zealand Council of the Labour Party’s meeting scheduled for 7 August, will not be able to institute any of the disciplinary action they discuss in the meeting immediately, likely dragging the party further down in the polls while the Carter scandal continues to dominate headlines.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/what-to-do-about-chris-carter/feed 2 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/engaging-with-the-innards-of-philosophy-4 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/engaging-with-the-innards-of-philosophy-4#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:15:05 +0000 Haimona Peretini Gray http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17765 Absence makes the heart grow fonder—this is why we print this column every week, lest your longing turn into following me around on the weekend with goggles.

After last week’s Wiseauian catastrophe, this edition of ‘Engaging etc’ is dedicated to answering some of your questions (and there may even be the return of an ‘Engaging’ favourite).

This week… Engaging with the Innards of Philosophy answers your questions. That is all.

Over the past month I have received a series of written questions, which I hope to answer below so you’ll never bother me again.

PlayboyDan69 ponders:Whoz Candy Badger?

I believe you mean ‘Who iz Candy Badger?’ Your English is contemptible. In spite of this I will answer your question—Candy Badger is a badger. But not just any badger, a glorious badger, who I have had the pleasure of sharing a laugh with over shots at Shooters—or was it stabbings at Estab? No matter. That badger parties harder than Georg Cantor in his offshore cock fighting days.

Hax Mardy asks: When are you going to write a column on Foucault?

Eventually. Personally I don’t see why people love to hate him/hate to love him/think he’s got a silly name. His ideas, and name, aren’t that controversial or crazy. Crazy would have been if he had renamed his book Discipline and Punishment something like The Prison is in Your Head (and the Prison Guard is Wearing a Diaper… That’s Normal, Right?).

HLKTCS asks: What do you think of Waking Life?

I think you should should read a book. All the great philosophers are dead, and most of them couldn’t speak English anyway, so why would you bother with a watered-down misappropriation starring someone who believes that 9/11 was an inside job? It’s not all bad, the section with Robert Solomon was fun, but it doesn’t stand in for an understanding of the classics, and you only get that from reading them and judging for yourself what kind of squiggly lines would suit them (and you) best.

ROFLCOPTER crashing in a preschool and crushing the children asks: What was your favourite book as a child?

On the Suffering of the World by Arthur Schopenhaur. I liked LEGO too, but then both were taken away after I built a nihilist world with houses that spontaneously combusted because their existence was, at best, meaningless—which probably would have been fine if not for the fact that I was using gunpowder to ‘combust’ them, and I was doing this during kindergarten. Still not allowed LEGO.

The Cast of Entourage ponders: I want to break up with my girlfriend in the most spiteful way possible, what would that be?

I’m not going to tell you. I know what it is but I’m not going to tell you because it’s far too spiteful and always leads to murder. If you really want to break up with her, why don’t you just tell her while she’s at work—this way she can’t physically attack you (unless she works at an army surplus store) and you can pick up something nice for your next partner.

The sexy undead spirit of your great uncle Robert writes: My brother is 16 and a nihilist, what can I do to stop him sucking so much?

As this column has proven, you can’t act like nihilist all the time, it’s too much. There’s nothing wrong with being a nihilist, as long as you’re not ‘on’ all the time. The world may be a void nothingness, but that’s no excuse for ruining the end of the second season of Mad Men, Tristan (and don’t get me started on Lost—just because I didn’t like the show at first, doesn’t mean I wanted to hear the spoiler about the whole show being the coma dream of that kid from Baseketball). It’s a phase, he’ll probably grow out of it.

Why? [This is all the note said, and I’m not sure it was written in ink]

Why? WHY?… Kittens, or nothingness. One of those two. Though Love is also a possibility.

Probably Kittens.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/engaging-with-the-innards-of-philosophy-4/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/trend-watch http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/trend-watch#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:14:08 +0000 Jessica-Belle Greer http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17768 It’s time to open the costume cupboard

When getting dressed at the moment, it is not a time to ask what to wear but who to be. One of the great things about fashion is that it can help you explore the different sides of your personality—if that just so happens to be a rarely expressed affinity towards soldiers or cowboys, then so be it. Current trends are here to awaken alter egos with dress-up nostalgia.

MJ’s jacket trend has inspired military-themed collections like Balmain’s, which in turn have influenced combat trends. John Galliano’s combat-inspired collection is of an old worldly Bonapart dimension. From this the worn boot trend is easy to do, as are workboots.

If you’d rather join the navy, nautical trends are anticipating summer. Spring still seems a long way away, but collections like Anja Rubik’s bring back docksides, stripes and a casual look.

More winter-appropriate designers like Elisa Palomino and Stolen Girlfriends have inspired a ski bunny trend. Nordic prints, big knits, ski socks and Russian hats are here to warm things up like in Dolce and Gabanna’s latest collection.

While in the snow, ice queen trends led by brands such as Stretis, have emerged, with Mac launching their ‘Villan’ campaign to further ice skating-esque trends of floaty skirts as well as rigid contours for some silhouettes.

Maybe you want to be a prepared scout with hiking and safari-inspired collections like Shakuhachi’s. Khaki—yes khaki—crisp white, leather backpacks, shorts and hiking-esque heels will take you far.

Animal prints are another fun trend. Leopard print is favoured in Minty Meets Munts’ lookbook. Denim, coats and skirts are here for alpha females. Furthermore, animal prints like Miu Miu’s are taking flight. Brands like Sass and Bide and Tina Kalivas go as far as modernising tribal dress, which will hopefully bring about a lot more patterns to play with.

Industry heavyweights such as Burberry are lightening the mood for damsels, with pastels in soft focus. Chloe has once more set the nude colour trend. Sonia Rykiel and Annah Stretton are romantics to watch for this. If you’re too impatient for spring, tights are trendy in various styles—lighter deniers, skin colour and ripped especially.

On the textile scene, velvet is a lot more experimental than plain black, as is lace. Leather is now coming in a variety of colours and forms, noticeably by Bally. Denim on denim has really been experimented everywhere, with brands such as Ksubi making the most of this. The next experiment to look out for will be suede.

The cowboy comeback is universal. Red Ryder would be proud of the current bolo ties, check shirts and tassels, with modern interpretations such as Acne’s being far from dusty.

Naturally cowboy trends influence a runaway Indian or Gypsy element, which is hinted in Stella McCartney’s latest collection, and paisley is available in most op shops.

Myths of Cowboys go hand-in-hand with the myth of bandoleros in Western Film. Chanel’s campaign celebrates Spanish embellishment and frills of traditional dress. Designers such as Madame Hawk incorporate red passion and light white materials to add to this trend. This may be a touchy trend thanks to the soccer though.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/trend-watch/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/everyday-revolution http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/everyday-revolution#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:13:10 +0000 Liz Willoughby-Martin http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17770 Consensus decision-making: not a cult

In early 2009 I arrived back from my first Camp for Climate Action get-together. I’d been remarkably cheerful the entire bus ride home: gossiping with middle-aged women, smiling at dairy owners, not even scowling at small children. My joy was almost tangible: I couldn’t wait to tell everyone what I’d discovered. Surprisingly, my flatmates appeared more worried than pleased at my happiness—there was suspicion when, instead of silently-staring-at-my-cup-of-coffee, I chose to wax lyrical at breakfast. They listened to my chatter, observed my newly learned hand signals, accepted my enthusiasm, and concluded that I had been wooed into a cult.

There was no cult. Rather, I had been seduced by the charms of consensus decision making. I was overwhelmed with the beauty of it: a process where everyone agrees and everyone has a say. In a group of 40 people each was welcome—no, encouraged—to give their opinion. Minor disagreements were worked out relatively easily and the atmosphere of trust was so thick you could’ve sliced it and eaten it on toast.

Consensus is defined as process of making decisions collectively, where individuals come to agreement together through discussion and synthesis of ideas. While voting must always deliver a win-lose verdict, consensus aims to reach a decision every single person is happy with.

Hand signals are used to aid effective consensus processes (and I think this is where my flatmates got worried): a display of jazz hands indicates “yes” or “I agree”, a ‘time out T’ signifies “technical point”, and a large forearmed formed ‘X’ is a “block”, showing that you disagree with a proposal or decision. Initially, waggling my ‘spirit-fingers’ simultaneously with 40-odd activists felt like an episode of Glee staged in an alternate reality, but soon consensus became my decision-making process of choice. I’m now ruined for conventional groups. When Steve talks out of turn I burn with anger; when shy Simone is left out I despair; when Ying dominates the entire conversation I shrivel inside. Give me a facilitator and a speaking order and I’ll be in fairness nirvana.

The length of time needed is the one serious downfall, but it’s worth it. When people know that their view must be heard, arguing caused by egos and defensiveness practically disintegrates. Consensus works not from a basis of rainbows, unicorns and magic, but from the positive assumption that everyone actually might agree. Crazy, eh.

I get annoyed when people talk exclusively about “fostering leadership” and “young leaders”, as increasing participation and equality in society also needs to be heavily underlined. For me, getting involved with a group that utilises horizontal decision-making processes resulted in recognising how many peeps’ opinions are suppressed daily. Not by force, but simply by not making room for them.

Direct democracy: it just makes consensus. Groan.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/everyday-revolution/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ready-steady-bake http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ready-steady-bake#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:12:11 +0000 Rebekah Galbraith http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17774

Attempting to blend in with four-year-olds is difficult on most days, but trying to achieve this feat in Toyworld is next to impossible. For one, they tend to cry more. Moving away to play ‘kill, boff, marry’ with the limited retro editions of Barbie, the latest tea party accessories catch my eye. They do not include the Easy Bake Oven.

Furrowing my brows together to make a serious face, I thought about the lack of Easy Bake Ovens. I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever seen one in Toyworld. Or New Zealand. On the three playdates I was invited to, no excited child ever squealed “let’s bake with my Easy Bake Oven!” Fun times surely would have followed, but the sad fact is, aside from Google image and YouTube, I’ve never actually seen an Easy Bake Oven.

An icon of childhood, the Easy Bake Oven has its own history page on the Hasbro website. The first thing you notice is that it now resembles a microwave more than a miniature industrial oven from the 1960s. After spending the coming decades changing the appearance of the Easy Bake from a pea-green cube with a faux stovetop to a state-of-the-art kitchen appliance, Hasbro introduced more recipes for children to cook, such as poptarts, french fries and sandwiches.

See, here’s where the confusion sets in. Turns out the Easy Bake Oven is actually an oven, not a Playskool Kitchen Set with plastic cooking utensils and bacon strips. Until quite recently I was under the impression the Easy Bake Oven ‘cooked’ pishy cake mix with a 60W light bulb. Shockingly, I was not interested in getting such a lame excuse for a toy. But apparently, this is not what happens, and the oven actually cooks cakes, desserts and biscuits with a high-powered heating element.

The last reason—the fact it cooks food with a heating device—probably meant I was never going to get an Easy Bake Oven as a child. The amount of times I either burn dinner, undercook pancakes or set the element on fire by accidently spilling cat food on it mean should I ever get my hands on an Easy Bake Oven, I could probably turn my home into Chernobyl. With a definite health hazard attached to the oven, this means I only want it more.

I can’t help but feel I have missed out on something truly incredible by waking up each Christmas and birthday without an Easy Bake Oven. I blame my culinary shortfalls and tendency to bring fire—literally—to the kitchen on the fact I was unable to flex my little chef hands during the nineties. Forever doomed to nuke my food in a microwave, I realise I have made the ultimate Easy Bake sacrifice, but I have not burnt down my house.

Yet.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ready-steady-bake/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ask-candy-badger-14 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ask-candy-badger-14#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:11:13 +0000 Candy Badger http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17777

Candy Badger is Salient’s resident advice guru. If you need any help with relationships, flatting, university or anything else, drop her a line at candy.b.badger@gmail.com.

Dear Candy,
I like to start fights with people on the internet, mostly by mocking the shit out of their terrible, terrible grammar. Recently no one seems to be biting back. Should I be taking a different approach, or just step up my game a little bit?

Please advise,
-Internet Bully


Dear Bully,

How about getting some real life hobbies that don’t require the internet, like skateboarding and picking your nose? These are fun. You can bully people in real life too, as long as you’re big, but you’re probably not due to the muscle waste caused by using a computer.

The best way to bully people in real life over their terrible grammar would be to become a tutor, which is convenient since you’re a university student. (Or if you’re not, why are you reading this? Freak.) Students probably won’t bite back, sadly, but you can get a lot of satisfaction out of red penning their essays that they probably spent a good two hours working on. Or you could sub for Salient!

Churrrrr,
Candy

Hey Candy,

Oh shit. So long story short, me and my best friend who is also my flatmate (who is a girl, like me) started casually pashing at partays, shindigs and discoteques. It was all good clean pashin’ fun until, well, it’s moved beyond just being at parties to basically all the time. Like literally. We live in Aro and have no heater so spoon to keep out the cold. She thinks it’s just physical and we’re experiementing, but I’ve been developing feelings for her. I always thought she was babein’ but I now see her inner babe as well. I really want to tell her how I feel but she has a boyfriend who I get on real well with. Actually, me and her boyfriend kinda used to go out ages ago and I think he may still have feelings for me. He’s a sweet guy (and the coach of my social netball team) but he’s just not my type anymore. Complicated, eh?! Anyway, he’s not really there for my flatmate anymore the way that I am. I real don’t want to hurt his feelings but at the same time I have such feelings for his girlfriend that I have to do something! Pashin’ and spoonin’ ain’t enough for me anymore. Now, just to make it even more complicated, the boyfriend has found out about me and her and wants to meet up next week (when he’s back from his snowboarding trip) to “discuss the situation”. What do I say? What do I want? What do I do? I think he’s gonna suggest a 3some. But I’m over phalluses and just want his girlfriend all to myself. Help me, Candy, what do I do?

Fuckity fuck,>

K00ky K@t

PS – Soz, ended up longer than I expected!

Dear K00ky,

I love to pash! But it certainly gets complicated when you pash someone else’s pash property. However, I’ve found a simple solution here.

You should Photoshop his face onto some pictures of gay porn, break into his house, then leave them somewhere where your flatmate will find them. Like the kitchen.

Or maybe you should tell your flatmate how you feel. She might be keen for your box just like you are for hers.

Speaking of boxes, you guys should build a fort!

Hope it works out,
Candy

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/ask-candy-badger-14/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/probing-the-punters-6 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/probing-the-punters-6#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:10:15 +0000 Rachel Bollinger http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17780 The Te Aro campus edition,with Rachel Brandon

1. Would you date either of John Key’s kids?
2. Have you seen anything at the NZ International Film Festival? If so, what?
3. Have you voted in the VUWSA by-election?
4. Squirt or What Now?
5. What happens when you get through to the teleops on What Now?
6. Chris Carter, should he stay or should he go?

Name: Nitasa
Age: 21
Studying: Industrial Design

1. I have to look at them before I say yes or no.
2. Yes; Animal Kingdom, Cyrus, The Killer Inside Me, The Room, I Killed My Mother—have I seen any others?
3. Nope.
4. What Now.
5. Hang up.
6. Wait, let me quickly google it. Nah, he should go.

Name: Pope Cody
Age: 27 years young
Studying: Industrial Design

1. No, Stephie a bit young, a bit emo for me.
2. Animal Kingdom—gritty stuff. Cyrus and The Killer Inside Me.
3. No. But I’ve heard of Campus Angels.
4. What Now, what happened to Thingee?
5. You speak to some 10-year-old kid who tells you that you’ve won a free gunge and a date with Thingee.
6. Politics bores me.

Name: Richard
Age: 20
Studying: Industrial Design

1. Didn’t even know JK had kids
2. Nope, none.
3. No
4. Oooo. What Now
5. Shout abuse at them
6. He should definitely leave.

Name: Jess
Age: 21
Studying: Design and Film

1. Hmmm.. His daughter has potential.
2. Enter The Void and Quarters. I really, really wanted to see Trash Humpers, but alas, no funds.
3. No. Didn’t even know about it.
4. Squirt, because Kanoa was awesome. But Thingee still has a place in my heart.
5. Don’t know—I never succeeded.
6. Who?

Name: Geordie
Age: 19
Studying: Interior Architecture

1. Considering the only boy is like fresh out of the womb… No.
2. Human Centipede—It was more the bad acting rather than the horror that fried my retinas.
3. No, I haven’t yet, but I do intend to.
4. Squirt—Earthworm Jim, man.
5. Give a shout out to all my maaaaates in Taupo.
6. Probs stay, he’s a cutie.

Name: Charmaine
Age: 20
Studying: Bachelor of Design Innovation

1. They’re too young for me aren’t they?
2. No, too broke. But did get the pamphlet.
3. Nope.
4. What Now—back then. Not these days.
5. I wouldn’t ring up now, too old.
6. I don’t care…

Name: Tui
Age: 18
Studying: Conceptual Design. Dun dun dun!

1. Yes, the daughter maybe. Just to irk the father.
2. The Time That Remains, I Killed My Mother and Quarters
3. *Shakes head a little bit guiltily*
4. Early What Now.
5. You get to talk to them and sometimes you win prizes and sometimes you got to talk on air.
6. It sounds like he needs a holiday, so maybe he should go.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/probing-the-punters-6/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/salient-rates-fortunes http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/salient-rates-fortunes#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:09:18 +0000 Salient http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17785 I made my sister go and buy me some fortune chocolates from Iko Iko. I told her I’d pay her back. To be honest, I probably won’t. But I did give her a book in exchange. So nice of me—she just has to review it now. She was instructed to buy eight fortune chocolates. And she did. Here in the code-share Salient-VBC office, we devoured the chocolates and rated our fortunes. Some of them were pretty crap to say the least. But please read on.

“Someone will return a favour” 2/10

Judge’s comment was “boring”. Returning a favour is simply common sense. If you don’t return a favour, you’re an asshole. You may also find you don’t have many friends.

“The seeds you sow today, are your trees of the future” 7/10

Cheesy metaphors are always deserving of a relatively high rating. Points were deducted due to incorrect placement of a comma.

“You will enjoy success” 10/10

Any kind of success is good success. To get such a successful fortune is a great success, therefore this is deserving of a 10 out of 10. Success!

“Time to make some changes” 1/10

Fuck off.

“Time to make some changes” 0/10

Fuck off again.

“You will find a faithful and constant friend” 4/10

I asked a friend for their first thought when presented with this fortune. “It sounds like a dog,” was her response. Does this mean I’m getting a puppy for Christmas?

“People will look towards you for leadership and advice” 3/10

Someone was asking me for advice today. Serious advice. Only I didn’t take it very seriously. I had to put on my serious face. But while putting on my serious face, I started giggling hysterically about how ridiculous the notion of putting on a ‘serious face’ was. I am usually capable of providing serious advice, but it just so happened that the situation was mildly farcical, given I was being asked to provide legal advice to a law student. Hmm.

“To know you is to love you” 9/10

Awwwwwwwwww. It’s just so nice and mushy, bordering on lame, it is wholly deserving of a nine outta ten. So I’m in love with everyone I know? Or is it like “know” as in you know, “knoooow”?

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/salient-rates-fortunes/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/how-to-make-effective-change http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/how-to-make-effective-change#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:08:21 +0000 Zoe Reid http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17787

Here’s something commonly complained about: Someone wants to lose weight/gain muscle/eat healthily/not have an asshole boyfriend/be funny/be better liked… but doesn’t know how to do it. Things suddenly seem insurmountable, or you only seem to think of what you need to do at a time that you can’t do it. So how do you actually tackle it?

You take baby steps.

You want to be nicer? Always ask yourself what the nicer action to take would be, whenever you need to make a choice. You want to do an assignment? Think about what you need to write down while walking out of your tutorial. Open a tab on your web browser and start looking up sources when Facebook has stopped churning out interesting updates.

Standing in a supermarket aisle, you realise you want to eat better but don’t know how? Take out one junk food item and replace with one healthier item in this shopping basket. In the next shopping basket, well, we’ll see.

It’s usually easier on the fly, but if you didn’t think of what you wanted to change until it’s too late (on the way home from the supermarket, for instance), plan out one thing which you know you actually will achieve, and realistically plan to do it as quickly as possible. Every time you think of your goal, commit to doing one thing towards it as quickly as possible—decide when you will do it then and there.

For example:
While walking to class I realise I haven’t started on my assignment. I don’t even know which question I want to answer, but if I go onto Wikipedia and look up both topics I should get a feel for both questions. My next class always starts late, so straight after this class I’m going to jump onto the computer outside my next class and look up one, or both if I have time, topics.

How about:
On Sunday I woke up feeling terrible about the night before. I guess I want to be less psychotic when I drink, but don’t know how to tone it down. I couldn’t change last night’s drinking but I could text Sarah and apologise for pulling down her top in the middle of Maya. On Friday night, if I can’t mellow out I’ll at least try to say “I’m a bit drunk. I didn’t mean to … Sorry” at least once. I want to work up to identifying my action as psychotic BEFORE I do it.

So, verbalise to yourself what you want to change. Once you’ve done that, just keep identifying small actions throughout your day that will reflect your new mindset. Keep your eyes on the prize—you are being the change you want to see. Do this process as often as you think of it, but make every step a baby step. It might be helpful to try to think of your goal once a day, for example, when travelling to uni, but do not give yourself any expectation of consistent, regular events and changes—or you will get depressed if you don’t do anything for a week. Every time you make a small change, you’re much further on your way than you ever wanted to admit.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/how-to-make-effective-change/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/sushi http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/sushi#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:07:07 +0000 Renee Lyons http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17790

I was taught how to make sushi from a Japanese home-stay we had at my house a few years ago, so you know this recipe is legit. The great thing about sushi is that you can customise it to include only what you love. Vegetarian? Hate capsicum? Have a lot of tinned tuna you don’t know what to do with? Make sushi!

Rice:

• Proper sushi rice is, for obvious reasons, best for making sushi. Find it in the international section of the supermarket.
• Rinse the rice with water a few times (until the water runs clear) to remove the starch.
• Cook the rice, bringing the water to the boil then letting it simmer on medium heat until all the water evaporates.
• Mix in a teaspoon of sushi vinegar or a sachet of sushi powder. I usually use Mizkan powder sachets.

Fillings:

• There are entire cookbooks dedicated to filling ideas. Avocado, carrot, cucumber, sesame seeds, spring onions, snow peas, and/or asparagus are popular. If you’re feeling uninspired, Google awaits!
• Cut your fillings into long, thin strips.
• Egg is another possibility—fry ‘em up like an omelette then cut into strips.
• Meat ideas include salmon, tuna, shrimp or crab. Tofu for the vegetarians goes well too.

Rolling sushi:

• Lay out a sheet of seaweed (also found in the international section).
• Spread the rice over the whole sheet.
• Lay your fillings in a narrow, lengthwise strip.
• Roll the sushi. The exact art of rolling sushi can take a bit of practice to get the hang of. A bamboo mat certainly helps. Try Youtube if you’re having trouble rolling—it’s easier to see rather than me trying to describe it.
• Cut the roll into about five pieces, and enjoy!

Food Tip of the Week: Sushi rice gets sticky. Keep your hands moist with water when using the rice to prevent it sticking to your hands.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/sushi/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/julia-gillard http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/julia-gillard#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:05:36 +0000 Fiona McNamara http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17793

The day after Julia Gillard became Prime Minister of Australia, she was voted second sexiest woman in the country by Ralph Magazine. If I type her name into Google this is the order of what comes up: “Julia Gillard partner”, “Julia Gillard photos”, “Julia Gillard mp”, “Julia Gillard married”, “Julia Gillard husband”, “Julia Gillard tim mathieson”, and then finally “Julia Gillard prime minister”. While the words following Kevin Rudd’s name are “wealth”, “biography”, “speech”, “steps down”, “muslims”, “news”, “net worth”, “resigns” AND “wiki”. Hmmmmm.

Why is it that immediately after a woman moves into a position of power, the top stories are about her looks, her relationship and why she doesn’t have children? Of course, there’s gossip about any politician, whatever their gender, but as far as female leaders go, their general politics come second to discussion about how they fit into the gender categories we want them to. Women are supposed to be housewives and homemakers who make sure their husbands have their meals prepared for them and their shirts ironed so that they can go off and do the real work. This structure is threatened as soon as a woman takes one of these roles that we assume should belong to men. And so that this doesn’t upturn society, people have to make sure that we still know these gender roles are the norm, by making 179 different Facebook groups with the words “Julia Gillard” and “kitchen” in the title.

I think it’s awesome that Australia finally has a female Prime Minister and I don’t think we should ignore that fact. I think we should celebrate it, but I don’t think we should be distracted from her value as a leader by whether or not she has children, or what her hair looks like at a particular event. Society has come a long way in its attitude towards women, but still feels threatened when traditional gender roles are challenged.

In May 2007, Liberal Senator Bill Heffernan said that Gillard was “unfit to be Prime Minister” because she is deliberately “barren”. He tried to reason this statement saying that “one of the great understandings in a community is family, and the relationship between mum, dads and a bucket of nappies”. Yes of course a leader has to relate to the society she is leading, but having children has never been considered compulsory for a male leader. Most women in “high-powered” jobs today who do have children will tell you that they would be much higher up had they chosen not to, because it’s simply very difficult to live the “double day” and have time for both. It’s a choice whether or not to have children, and in a two-parent family, which parent is going to stay home with them. Having children forces a parent to make sacrifices in his or her career, and in the vast majority of cases it falls to the woman to be the one who stays at home.

In any case, as a young woman thinking about career choices, I want to look to people like the first female Prime Minister of Australia as a role model, but the conflicting information I’m bombarded with is confusing. I was recently advised at a careers event, that if asked in a job interview if you are married, it is better for a male to say “yes” and a female to say “no”—the theory being that a married man shows some stability, but a married woman poses a threat of maternity leave. There’s also a strong undercurrent of power politics that an unmarried woman might be slightly more vulnerable, but that’s a whole other column. As a young woman choosing a career path it’s just very confusing. A woman is more likely to get a job if she is unmarried, but once she starts to rise up the ranks she is questioned for not being married, criticised for not having children and has to put up with every fashion and personal choice being scrutinised and publicised, undermining her work as a political leader. Yay for Julia Gillard. Let’s go read and write some articles about her political work.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/julia-gillard/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/pinot-noir http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/pinot-noir#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:04:38 +0000 Henry Lyons http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17796

Despite being highly elusive, early ripening and extremely sensitive to ‘terroir’ (physical environment) Pinot Noir is one of the world’s most sought-after and respected varieties. The French region of Burgundy is the spiritual home of Pinot Noir, and a top-quality bottle demands a top price. An Auckland retailer currently has a bottle of 1996 Domaine Romanee-Conti LaTache for $3700. ‘Nuff said.

The charm of Pinot Noir has seen many growers attempt to cultivate the grape in various countries and regions around the world, however, only New Zealand, Oregon and the coolest areas in California and Australia have had any luck. Pinot Noir loves a cooler climate, hence why it does so well in Central Otago. When planted somewhere hot it will ripen too fast and fail to develop any of the intriguing and complex aromas and flavour compounds its relatively thin skins can harbour.

Alongside Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Noir is another variety that has helped New Zealand ‘crack’ the global wine industry with many of the wines, particularly those from Martinborough, gaining world-class status. Pinot Noir first appeared in this country in the 1970s in the Auckland region. Within a decade the variety had made its way to Martinborough, Hawkes Bay, and most wine-growing regions in the South Island.

Given its international and domestic success, Pinot Noir in New Zealand is relatively expensive when put alongside other varieties. It really grinds my gears when I hear people preaching that only good New Zealand Pinot Noir comes from Central Otago and Martinborough. Yes, these regions do produce fine examples, but so too do Marlborough, Hawkes Bay and, more recently, Waipara. Lately I spoke to a respected Hawkes Bay winemaker who said that international demand for his locally grown Pinot Noir is huge, but on a domestic scale it suffers, potentially because consumers appear to be limiting themselves to the Central Otago and Martinborough hype.

Wine of the week

This week’s selection comes from Marlborough and is the Delta Vineyard Pinot Noir 2009 ($19-21). Delta Vineyard is situated to the west of Blenheim, located at the mouth of the Waihopai Valley on the West Coast Highway, where a steep-sided triangular-shaped hill splits the wide valley. The shape of this land mass is very similar to the symbol for the capital Greek letter delta, hence the name given to this site on detailed topographic maps of the area.

This wine is fantastic because of the complexity it achieves at the price level it demands. Instead of smelling like some sort of fruit spray paint, as some cheaper Pinot Noir tends to, the wine has red fruit, chocolate, spice and earthy aromas that combine awesomely with a silky and rich texture.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/pinot-noir/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/beers-that-roll-their-rs http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/beers-that-roll-their-rs#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:03:39 +0000 Denise the Beer Girl http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17799

Invercargill is one of those places that New Zealanders seem to know very little about. It has that outspoken guy who appeared in The World’s Fastest Indian as the mayor (Tim Shadbolt), the locals speak like pirates, and they are the proud (temporary) holders of the Ranfurly Shield.

But my favourite thing about Invercargill is its brewery.

While Invercargill seems like more of a country-man’s paradise than the home of truly special craft beer, ten years ago Steve Nally and his father Gerry decided to start a brewery there. And beyond all expectations, over the years Invercargill Brewery has become one of the most respected breweries in the country.

The second beer Invercargill Brewery ever made was the Pitch Black Stout (4.5%), initially to compliment the Bluff Oyster. And while it is yet to feature at an oyster festival, the sweet stout is comfortably the brewery’s biggest seller—and holds a very special place in my heart. With its chocolate aroma, coffee and roasted malt flavours, and its lighter body, Pitch Black is an accessible, sessionable and tasty stout, which just happened to trigger my love for dark beers. Perfect for taking the edge off a cold winter’s night, while, at the same time, quenching your thirst.

Invercargill has three other beers in its range which are available all year round—B.Man golden lager, Wasp honey pilsner and Stanley Green pale ale—and while they’re all very good, the more exciting thing about the brewery is its relatively newfound flair for experimental beers.

In 2007, Steve decided to brew a very small batch of a smoked bock-style beer to give his apprentice, Pru Bishop, experience in making a 50-litre brew. Probably the first smoked beer produced by a New Zealand craft brewer, word spread and many litres later, two full commercial batches of the 2009 limited release of Smokin’ Bishop (7%) were pre-sold before its July launch date.

And it’s not hard to see why. I will never forget the first time I lifted the ruby red beer to my mouth and tasted… manuka smoked bacon. No kidding. The sweet smoke, roasted malt, caramel and, well, bacon flavours combine to create a delicious, savoury and incredibly unusual drop. Steve’s even been holding some of the bottles back to release the Smokin’ Bishop from three consecutive years, to give beer lovers the chance to compare the different batches.

Other interesting brews from the Southland brewery include Boysenbeery, Dubbel Happy and Saison, and are all well worth a taste if you’re lucky enough to stumble upon the right bar or liquor store at the right time.

Over the past ten years, Invercargill Brewery has built a reputation on its ability to produce consistent, flavoursome and—at times—unusual beer. So it’s no wonder contract breweries like Yeastie Boys and Pink Elephant have come to Invercargill to use Steve Nally’s facilities and expertise to help produce their beers on a larger scale for us all to enjoy.
A selection of Invercargill Brewery’s best will be available at Beervana on the 27th and 28th of August. I can’t wait.

If you have any questions about this week’s beers or any comments, please contact me at denisethebeergirl@gmail.com.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/beers-that-roll-their-rs/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/uther-dean-returns-triumphant-knows-future http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/uther-dean-returns-triumphant-knows-future#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:02:40 +0000 Uther Dean http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17802 Having reattained my PUNZ membership, I have reattached my crystal ball to the telegraph to the stars. Read ye here those missives from our celestial bretheren. This week they have divided their predictions based on your preference for either cats or dogs. If you choose not to take a side, I am reliably informed that you will have both prophecies apply to you. Busy week for the indecisive it seems.

 

People Who Like Cats

Dear cat lovers. Bad news, I’m afraid. You are in for a week of disappointment. This will be a week of things annoyingly falling through. Best laid plans will dissipate like a cloud of flies fleeing a newly clean corpse. It won’t be your fault. People are unreliable sometimes, it’s nothing personal. You may just have to readdress your schemes for the next couple of months. Readjust your crosshairs, if you will. You’ll feel somewhat on a slippery slope leading on to an igloo marked ‘Nowhere’ in a township called ‘Obsolescence’, but it won’t work out that way. Things will come up. You will find other things to do. Like finally take those dancing lessions that you’ve been pondering for years. Or finally brew your own cider. Or start a religion based on your favourite colour (which is green by the way). Or, even, just have a nice little sit down with a cup of tea.  

People Who Prefer Dogs

Our star-based friends take somewhat of a sterner turn with you, our mutt-hugging friends. You need to stop and have a bit of a reassessment of your plans. The stars can see what you are thinking and they really advise against it in the strongest possible terms. You, right now, are on the edge of a precipice which contains only hurt feelings and bust emo guts. You need to think about other people right now and exactly what you’re about to do will mean to them. But, on the other hand, you could harden the fuck up. You don’t need to listen to these astral facists. Sure, some people may get hurt in your inexorable rise to the top, but, you know what, the weak and lame have only themselves to blame and anyone who spends their time whinging that life is unfair needs to stop their sobbing and crack life’s unfairness in the face with a mace of proactivity. Don’t listen to the stars, they’re just jealous.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/uther-dean-returns-triumphant-knows-future/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-panda http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-panda#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:01:43 +0000 Salient http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17805 Prime Minister John Key is negotiating the lease of a pair of pandas from China, sweetening the deal with a pair of brown kiwi to act as an exchange. “It’s not about which is worth more,” says cheeky-chappy Key*. “It’s about forming a strong bond with China [by exchanging] animals that are of national significance to each country.” Well, that’s just as well, John, because the panda owns the kiwi in most respects. Fact: the panda eats up to 14 kilograms of bamboo shoots a day. Fact: there are about 1600 pandas alive in the world today. Fact: there’s a video of a baby panda sneezing. Final fact: a guy in Napier wanted the city’s failed dolphinarium ‘Marineland’ to be renamed ‘Pandaland’, and to act as home to any pandas successfully negotiated from China. The guy has recently come out and admitted it was a pretty dumb idea, so Pandaland is no longer on the cards. Probably not enough bamboo grows in Napier anyway.

* This is less of a direct quote, so much as it is the general ‘vibe’. What, this isn’t news, this is ‘Animal of the Week’.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-panda/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/end-the-social-engineering-and-legalise-gay-marriage http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/end-the-social-engineering-and-legalise-gay-marriage#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:00:46 +0000 Kate Stone http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17809 Argentina, a predominantely Catholic country, recently became the first Latin American country to legalise the marriage of same-sex, when a vote passed through the senate 33 votes to 27, with 3 abstentions.

New Zealand’s Marriage Act 1955 does not actually define marriage, but our current jurisprudence applies the term only to heterosexual couples. The Civil Union Act 2004, one of the most important legislative social changes made by Helen Clark’s Labour Government, allows couples, both heterosexual and homosexual, to enter into a civil union. Apart from civil unions, partners may also acquire legal rights and obligations in relation to each other as a de facto partnership. However, civil unions and de facto partnerships are not marriages; and in fact, many heterosexual couples have entered into civil unions since the passing of the 2004 act or chosen to remain solely in a de facto arrangement in an express rejection of the institution of marriage and all of its historical baggage.

In terms of equality, symbolism and concrete rights, many same-sex couples still want the ability to enter into a marriage. One example of a concrete right affected by the inability to marry is that of adoption. The Adoption Act 1955 provides for adoption by spouses. In a recent case the High Court in Wellington held that spouses, for the purpose of the Adoption Act, could include de facto couples—however the court was very clear that they were referring only to heterosexual de facto couples, and were certainly not opening the door for same-sex de facto couples to adopt.

The New Zealand Bill of Rights Act 1990, section 19, explicitly prohibits discrimination under any of the grounds set out in the Human Rights Act 1993, which includes sexual orientation. Over the years there has been debate in the courts as to whether incorporating only unions between a man and a woman within their definition of marriage discriminates against same-sex couples. One strand of argument is that the prohibition on marrying someone of the same sex applies to everyone and therefore does not discriminate against anyone. However, clearly such a prohibition, in impact, discriminates against homosexual and lesbian couples and is immaterial to heterosexual couples. However, even if the courts found the Marriage Act to be in breach of section 19, and not a justified limitation of this right (provided for in section 5), section 4 of the Bill of Rights establishes that such an inconsistency alone cannot be used to strike down legislation passed by parliament.

Some regard the current position under the 2004 act as the result of social engineering. One’s sexual orientation and choice of a life partner is one of the most personal areas of one’s life, and the law’s continued restriction against same-sex marriage is a prime example of social engineering. The Civil Union Act did not go nearly far enough in ensuring freedom of choice. Consequently, this is an issue that, as in Argentina, our democratically elected law makers need to genuinely address if we are going to see any end to this discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/end-the-social-engineering-and-legalise-gay-marriage/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-action-group-is-education-a-privilege-or-a-right http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-action-group-is-education-a-privilege-or-a-right#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 18:00:34 +0000 Nicola Wood http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17866 If there’s a silver bullet to solve almost every social problem we face, it’s education. And if there’s a policy area more controversial than any other, it’s education. Whether the question is how it should be funded, what should be taught or how those who teach should be paid, the country is divided. The heat involved in these debates is telling of the importance we place on it, regardless of our political colours.

Maybe we argue about education so passionately because it is a fundamental right, fulfilling our human need to strive to reach our full potential. This isn’t something only the very wealthy or people of a certain race need; it applies to everyone and we all equally deserve to have our needs met. Education is a right, not a privilege.

This is recognised most in primary and secondary education. We may argue about National Standards and NCEA, but when it comes down to it, education at these levels is something all the parties in parliament realise they have a responsibility to give to everyone. There are undoubtedly big differences in policy, and the system will obviously be balanced differently under the Greens or Labour than it would be under National, and even more different under ACT’s school voucher policy. But whatever their affiliation, MPs realise that education is a right they must fund for everyone.

There’s a question mark over other sorts of education. I think this is a shame—the need to learn doesn’t appear at age five then disappear at 17 or 18. It’s lifelong. In my opinion, early childhood education (ECE) is essential for kids to get the best start to life, and fair access to tertiary education (whether it be polytech, university or adult and community education) is important for opportunities later in life. However, whether lifelong learning is a right is currently being questioned: funding for night classes has been pulled, and the latest cuts have been to ECE. The effects of cuts to tertiary funding have never been closer to home than when our own uni closed enrolments this year.

We have to ask ourselves whether the right to learn and further yourself is something for everyone regardless of the stage of life they’re at, or whether there are some places where budget cuts are justified. It’s an important issue that we should think about before the next election.

Education Action Group meeting, 5pm Wednesday 11th August, VUWSA meeting room, ground floor, Student Union Building.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/education-action-group-is-education-a-privilege-or-a-right/feed 2 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/thats-so-gay-6 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/thats-so-gay-6#comments Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:59:58 +0000 Stephen Jackson http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17812

Ever get the feeling you’re being judged? YOU ARE. Trust me, I work in a cafe and I have an opinion about every single one of you…. but I won’t remember you. Don’t worry, I’m talking about you, not to you, it totally doesn’t affect anything.

Soooooo, the other day I was working and I had some customers (no duh!), they were possibly my least favourite kind of people: hetero-normative homosexuals. You know the ones, one who is so obviously gay but tries his hardest to be just like everyone else, yet he continues to dress far too immaculately and talk fancy. But he is just like you, he wants to get married, just like you, and settle down just like you and be “normal” just like you, but I just can’t hear him saying that through his mouth full of dick, which is blatantly a contradiction to societal norms.

Oh sure, it’s great to be able to do what you want and live the life you want, but please don’t go around being all like “I’m not like those other fags” cos it’s a bit disrespectful to your ancestors. Not ancestors in the blood sense, but people that went before you fighting for rights—homosexuality is a minority and it used to be illegal. In fact, it’s still illegal in some countries and I bet LGBT activists there would be pretty pissed that you don’t want to be so gay or turning your nose at my disgusting flamboyancy.

Flamboyancy! Like a pride parade, I have seen an argument lately about whether a pride parade does more harm than good. I can see how people parading around topless and in leather chaps might have bad opinions formed about them, but some subgroups of minorities need a lot more understanding. And pride parades aren’t really about showing people how we fit in, it’s about standing out and celebrating diversity.

To wrap it up, LGBT history is not the history of everyone else, so our present isn’t the same as everyone else’s, we can fight for our rights but we certainly don’t have to shove ourselves into that dame heterosexual, patriarchal society to deserve them, that would kinda defeat the purpose.

P.S. I would like to point out that I am not opposed to those “straight-acting” type homos. I’m all about people being themselves, but sometimes people don’t do that and I cry a little on the inside.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/thats-so-gay-6/feed 12 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-rules-of-engagement http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-rules-of-engagement#comments Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:29:12 +0000 Hannah the Social Graces Expert http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17709 Welcome, dear readers, to The Rules of Engagement: a ‘how to’ guide for life and social graces. All the answers will be revealed. Sort of. This week I investigate an age-old dilemma: How to Attend a Semi-Acquaintance’s 21st Birthday Party and Retain a Sense of Dignity.

I had a strange and disconcerting experience at work, which is not unusual. I noticed an acquaintance of mine walk into the store. Eye contact was made. I said “Hey” and she smiled and walked past without stopping. While sometimes excusable with semi-acquaintances, I was feeling more sensitive than usual due to a particularly awkward party hosted by the aforementioned semi-acquaintance (SA) that I recently attended.

It was the kind of party with no alcohol to numb the growing urge to jump out the window and make a run for it. The kind where the hostess sees you and says, “Oh hey, you made it,” in a slightly disappointed manner. It usually transpires that they quickly add “Sorry, must circulate,” in a way implying that there are more important and interesting people to talk to.

It was the kind of party where tight-knit circles of partygoers immediately form. In a mild state of panic resulting from your failure to bring a wingman, you attempt to join in a conversation, but instead end up just standing near people having conversations. Your previous master plan of saying something funny and joining in conversation is thwarted by the growing realisation that conversation is strictly “insiders only,” in the manner of “Remember that time when we… Oh, wasn’t that hilarious.” Thus, my night was spent between the non-alcoholic punch table and the salt and vinegar chip-free snacks table. I cursed my lack of resolve to avoid all social gatherings in which DVDs and bed were not involved (formed at age 13 in a perhaps not irrational fear of society).

So, I’m at work. SA walks past. I’m sure she can sense how my feelings of self-deprecation have now turned to resentment of her; her semi-snob only cements her social superiority. Am left wondering what goes below ‘acquaintance’ on friendship scale. Realise there is time lapse of at least two years before can pretend not to know her. Realise that Wellington is small city. Logically then, must avoid all main streets—and place of work—for next two years. Fuck. Oh well. Dignity is overrated.

You can check out the next installment of The Rule of Engagement online at salient.org.nz.

]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/the-rules-of-engagement/feed 1 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/animal-of-the-week-the-star-nosed-mole http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/animal-of-the-week-the-star-nosed-mole#comments Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:25:58 +0000 Elle Hunt http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/17731 Up until now, Salient’s illustrious Animals of the Week have been—to some extent—endearing: the sloth, the slow loris, the kakapo… heck, even the pistol shrimp has a certain charm. But the same cannot be said for the star-nosed mole, which has a face only a mother could love. The best thing about this grotesque creature is that it spends most of its life underground, where no one (except Candy Badger) ever need see it. What is the purpose of those worm-like growths on its face? Well, the 22 mobile, pink, fleshy tentacles on the end of its snout are apparently used to identify food by touch, as the mole is blind—to all intents and purposes, it looks like it’s saving its dinner on its face for later. All I know is, I don’t want to look at it anymore. Next!



]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/animal-of-the-week-the-star-nosed-mole/feed 0 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/why-geology-is-awesome http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/why-geology-is-awesome#comments Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:25:52 +0000 Ricky Minton http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17651 Warning: story contains light-to-medium geology.

I realise geology is seen as one of the more boring and geeky outcrops of the hard sciences. To tell you the truth, that was half the reason why I chose to study it. I arrived in New Zealand quite a while back as a confused sophomore science student. I was dumped and depressed, with a coal-black heart and an overactive imagination. I needed a subject to challenge me. If I could thrive in the harshest, driest environment on academic earth, I could do anything, and that included getting over my ex-girlfriend. Full of self-loathing I chose geology. I still don’t really know why.

My initial forays into geology were unspectacular. Though the predominantly statistical and data-based nature of the research and laboratory work was a bit boring, I found welcome distraction focusing on the large-scale metaphors and analogies of it all: tracing of the history of the earth, marvelling at rare and delicate crystalline structures, watching shifting landmasses over millions upon millions of years, involving millions of tons of pressure and thousands of degrees of heat. These are forces so gargantuan that humanity seems an unpleasant but very temporary blemish. And a single human? Even more insignificant. Like my ex. Bitch. Why does geology not ease the pain?

Where my story really begins is in my Introductory Earth Sciences lab. It was the first week of term, and it was time to choose a bench and select a lab partner. Walking into the stuffy room, I sequestered a stool on the far left of the laboratory, indicating by silent decree to nobody in particular that I was pairing up with the person already at the bench. Glancing over, I noticed that person was a she. She introduced herself as Amber. Amber looked like she was born from a volcano. She was part Roman village girl, part Mediterranean goddess. It was as if she were caught in the Vesuvius eruption, sealed in a pyroclastic chrysalis and exposed to Mother Nature’s finest facial mud packs and mineral salts for thousands of years. Only when the time was right did she burst forth like a perfectly-preserved pod person, finding herself mysteriously on the other side of the world and at the opposite end of the ring of fire. She had ochre skin and eyes like falling ash. Her hair, flaxen and the colour of sandstone glittered with golden streaks. She was perfect. Too perfect, in fact. It was dangerous for her to be here in the seismic death-trap that was Wellington. I was suddenly overcome with a fear that Mother Nature would regret letting her walk the outer crust and want her back. One day a slight tremor could cause her to trip and fall back into the Wellington Faultline. Disaster. Why must I always lose the ones I love to geology? I had to get over her. “Pffft, golden hair. As if.” I thought to myself flippantly, “More like Fool’s Gold, am I right? Motherfucking pyrite!”

The lab began. Our task involved inspecting and identifying a range of rock and mineral specimens and recording their various properties. As I drove my chisel into a chunk of compacted sandstone, I noticed how the sedimentary rock fractured along clearly delineated planes, a feature known as a rock’s ‘cleavage’. I peered out of the corner of my eye at Amber. I imagined she possessed her own admirable properties of cleavage. “If only I could excavate the top alluvial layer of her Glassons tank-top,” I thought to myself. Yes, I am a gentleman.
“Hey Amber, check out this stratification,” I called. Amber looked up from her textbook and leaned across the bench. As she did this, the glorious gap of her top pitched forward, allowing the briefest of surveys into her hidden depths. Bazinga. Though I saw nothing, a stalactite began forming in my pants anyway. It calcified so quickly I was afraid it would shatter. My mouth felt full of dust. I wanted to have the secrets of my DNA locked inside of her, to remain there, suspended for eternity in her soft yellow glow, only leaving if forcibly exhumed by a team of palaeontologists led by 1993-era Sam Neill. Her lustre stirred lust within me. Why did geology have to be so romantic? I had to ask her out.

It wasn’t until our third lab that I summoned the courage. We were polishing and finishing semi-precious stones and minerals using a rock tumbler. Placing compatible specimens of similar hardness, we watched as their lubricated forms banged and knocked and rolled and rubbed. Afterwards, the stones were left smooth, worn down, glistening and exfoliated. Needless to say, it was hot. Why is geology so sexy? Goddamn. Amber must’ve also sensed the sensual friction. Turning to her, staring into her ash-eyes, I told her that we were like two sand grains on a beach that were brought together by fate. I told her what we were both obviously thinking, that it was time to fuse our bodies together with the intense heat of our collective passions, forming love-glass.

Okay I didn’t actually, I asked her out for a drink. But she said yes, and the outcome was practically the same.

It’s six years later and our relationship is still rock solid. True, the love lava may have cooled somewhat, and there is now the odd hydrothermal outburst, but nothing has eroded yet. I attempted to forget girls with geology, and it was geology that uncovered the best and rarest one of all, and that’s why geology is awesome.


]]> http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/why-geology-is-awesome/feed 1 http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/regular-physical-activity-helps-to-protect-your-health http://www.salient.org.nz/columns/regular-physical-activity-helps-to-protect-your-health#comments Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:22:08 +0000 Student Health Service http://www.salient.org.nz/?p=17727 Recent research published in the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry found that university students are four times more likely to be anxious and depressed compared with other people their age. The medical and nursing staff at the Student Health Service understand how demanding life can be for students. We are available to provide students who are experiencing anxiety and depression with professional and supportive care.

One way of treating symptoms of anxiety and depression and improving your general health is taking part in regular physical activity. If the benefits of physical activity could be received by taking a tablet, people would be rushing to make an appointment with their doctor to request a prescription.

Sometimes it can be difficult to fight against inactivity, especially when you are tired and overwhelmed by commitments. Student life, including thinking and sitting in lecture theatres, in the library, or in front of a computer screen, can leave you feeling exhausted and contribute to symptoms of stress and fatigue. Common ways used to cope with these symptoms include reaching out for nicotine, strong coffee, alcohol and stimulants which can actually make people feel worse. However, the good news is that recreation is an effective option.

Regular physical activity helps you feel better because it:
• Lowers your stress and boosts your mood.
• Increases your strength, movement, balance and flexibility.
• Helps control blood pressure and blood sugar.
• Helps build healthy bones, muscles and joints.
• Helps your heart and lungs work better.
• Improves your self-esteem.
• Boosts energy during the day and may aid in sleep at night.

Aerobic exercise, like walking, is great as it improves the oxygen capacity of the lungs and heart. It also improves blood circulation to the brain. Exercising thirty minutes a day, three to four times a week, can improve your aerobic capacity.

Mind and body exercises are also very beneficial for the brain. They are fantastic for reducing stress, improving clarity and energising the body both physically and mentally. These exercises include stretch and muscle strengthening classes such as Yoga, Pilates and Oxigeno.

The Recreation Centres on campus offer a wide variety of exercise options, classes and activities. The staff at the Recreation Centre are experienced, knowledgeable and very approachable. The main centre is on the Kelburn Campus with a smaller centre in the basement of Rutherford House on the Pipitea Campus.

The Recreation Centre also has an Activities Programme which includes scuba diving, horse trekking, mountain biking, paintball games, skiing trips, sea kayaking, canoeing and dance classes. Other activities include walks around the Wellington region, which is a great way to find out more about the local environment and to meet other students.

We often forget that the brain is part of the body; it has its own physical needs. Ensuring that you get some regular exercise will help you achieve a dynamic and well functioning brain and help you to feel happier and able to study better. If you would like any more information on the programmes offered by Recreation Services, please drop by, call 463 6614 or visit union.vuw.ac.nz/reccentre/.

Two excellent New Zealand-based websites with helpful information regarding depression and how to get through it are www.thelowdown.co.nz and www.depression.org.nz.

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